To think this is not an outrageous amount of time to have off sick?

[WilburIsSomePig]

Colleague has had breast cancer. She has had one surgery, has a further surgery to go, all manner of admissions to hospital and a course of chemotherapy.

At work today, we were told that she is unlikely to be back until the start of next year. Most people very concerned about her, keep in touch, wish her well, lots of 'god she's going through it' chat. Except for two colleagues who are making passive aggressive 'gosh that's such a long time to be off sick, my auntie was back at work in a couple of months' etc etc., followed by 'oh but I'm sure she'd come back before then if she could'. All a bit too sarky for my liking with the odd eye roll thrown in for good measure. I'm pissed off and told them both they were out of order and now neither of them are talking to me (fine by me). Temp cover is in place for absent colleague so they're not having to pick up her work or anything.

If colleague comes back at the start of the year (which she may or may not depending on how she is), she will have been off sick for 9 months. She's been through a shit time and this has really riled me. I really don't think this is an excessive amount of time to be off given her circumstances. She's a good friend of mine so I accept that I may be a little more sensitive about her.

I’ve had breast cancer, I was very lucky and only needed mastectomy. Even then, without adjuvant treatments, a good recovery and a positive outlook, I couldn’t have faced work for a good while.
Nasty people.

Agree totally with PP's who've mentioned logging this and ensuring their shitty attitudes don't spill over once your colleague is ready to return to work.

They're arseholes.

Your colleagues are horrible.

I had two large surgeries not for cancer. The first was considered major surgery. The second surgery was large but probably not considered major and was a direct consequence of the first. It was in many ways was far worse than the first. I’m far from recovered and the second was early this year.

Your colleague may actually be off longer than she anticipates as mentally recovery becomes harder the more operations and treatment needed. It also becomes more physically demanding because the body is unlikely to have fully recovered from each treatment.

If you are able to call these women out I would.

@chinateapot

Well they're just arseholes, aren't they. If something like that happened to one of them (God forbid, obviously) I wonder if they'd change their tune.

You sound like such a good colleague and friend.

please make a note of any comments made like this, and any witnesses at the time. If they continue like this when your colleague returns, they need reporting and disciplining accordingly.

Totally agree with this. Their behaviour is unprofessional and bad for workplace morale. And, as pps say, potentially discriminatory.

How ridiculous of them. The long term side effects and fatigue following chemotherapy don't just disappear, they can last months not to mention the toll it takes on people's mental health. I would report these comments if they continue.

I think they are probably right. Afterall, it's well know that peope deliberately get cancer just to skive work.

Oh wait, that never happens because cancer is a shitty bloody disease that robs people of time, energy and sometimes their life.

Nine months to deal with the low hand you've been dealt is nothing. Thank goodness your colleague/friend has you batting for them.

Utter scum. I don't know how else to put it but your colleagues are disgusting.
I've worked with that type many times, anyone has any time off and it's their business. I remember one girl who had bad depression, off work for 5 weeks and they couldn't stop slagging her off. Poor lass must have felt an atmosphere when she came back as she didn't last long. A supportive work environment can make such a difference to someone's life, especially in that situation.

Personally I'd report these comments to HR/management as I think they need to be addressed. It's just so far from acceptable I'm struggling for the right words that aren't expletives.

I was back at work 12 weeks after surgery and radiotherapy for breast cancer, and I had the worst subsequent year. I was so run down I developed an abscess ( not breast related) about 6 weeks later that needed surgery and hospital admission for IV antibiotics, and then further surgery, I was physically and emotionally exhausted, running on empty.
I was given really awful advice from HR and should’ve insisted on being off for 24 weeks in total so that I could have fully recovered.

I agree with PP saying make a note of any comments made like that. My mum had breast cancer, found out in January - had surgery, chemo and radiation - she was off work for a year.
You're colleagues are out of order and need to be spoken to - how insensitive!

OP - can't really add anything that PP haven't already said.
Good for you for "calling" those two out.
Wishing your friend successful treatments, and a restful recovery

If she came back early they'd probably be the ones to turn up to work with viruses causing her to be seriously at risk.

I agree with others to note what has been said so far and any further comments. I would raise this with your Manager too.

Well done for saying something. Some people missed the empathy gene.

differences: type of cancer, status of cancer (how far advanced), some cancers of the same "organ" require different chemo therapy, type & duration of chemo, & I bet they are mixing up radiotherapy & chemo, OH & affect of cancer on other parts of body - does it cause anaemia etc - eyebrow raised in their direction & "it is to be hoped you never get this" by all means report at the least they need re education

Just want to say you are a lovely friend and colleague for sticking up for her, not many people would have the guts to do that!

Some people are just vile. Well done to you for saying something

Another thought - cancer is automatically covered under the equality act. They might want to be certain they’re not making any discriminatory comments.

They should be ashamed of themselves. She has cancer FFS.

They're obviously very lucky not to have witnessed the thoroughly fucking awful effect chemo and radiotherapy has on someone. Hey might have had an aunt have it but it sounds like they have absolutely no clue about the horrendous side effects.

Agree with PP to keep a note on what they say particularly when she returns.

Poor woman, I hope she's okay and gets through it.

What a horrible pair let's hope they don't experience cancer

Again, well done for calling it out.

I was involved in a major accident which spiked my anxiety. Unfortunately it meant I only worked one week of my notice (I'd resigned the week before because I was stressed out of my nut).

Not minimising what happened, but I had 12 weeks off for anxiety - I just wasn't fit for work, barely functioning. In effect, having someone in the office who isn't fit for work just adds to the pressure for the rest of the team and makes their recovery longer.

No one should have to justify being off sick - doctors don't just sign you off without a reason.

Agree with @elizapanckaes. They should be ashamed of themselves and God forbid they need time off for whatever reason. Tossers.

Well done OP for calling those two out on their nasty behaviour, at least your colleague has you to watch her back for her, I can’t stand passive aggressive behaviour, it’s one of those things that drives me mad and I would call them out on it too!

I've had friends take a full year out once diagnosed. Treatment is gruelling and even once it's over you need lots of time to get your strength back. Your colleagues haven't a clue. Hope they keep their mouths shut once your colleague does return, but if not I'd say there are plenty of you there to support her and put them in their place.

I would be reminding them that there is more than one type of breast cancer and one is more aggressive than the others so their aunty who breezed thought treatment and worked through chemotherapy was incredibly lucky.

If they continued I would be having a word with HR.

Another person saying well done for saying something. Enjoy the peace while they're ignoring you! If they carry on, ask them if they'd happily swap good health and working for 6 months off with CANCER FFS.

I bet the boot would be on the other foot if they should ever get seriously ill.

Even in the event of a future minor illness I don't think I could avoid making PA comments of "Got a cold have you? You'd better not have any time off... I've always managed to work through it, so why can't you?"