Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with DPs brother

32 replies

AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 08:48

This will be incredibly outing by here goes...

We are getting married on Saturday and DPs brother has left it until now to say he's not coming.

This was after saying all along he was coming with his girlfriend and child.

He's avoided DP for the past few weeks, ignoring texts and telephone calls, not going up to his parents who he lives 10 minutes from when DP has gone to visit etc...

He didn't tell DP. DPs parents said you need to let us know asap because we were confused as to why he was ignoring us about arrangements for Saturday and he text his mum to say he wont be coming because he has better things to do with his time.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that DP has done nothing wrong. There's been absolutely no arguments or fall out between them or anything like that. His brother mentioned something about being upset he was invited on a stag do but DP confirmed he hasn't had one which is true, it's not his thing and it's quite a low key affair so he never bothered.

DP is now upset and can't stop thinking how his brother won't be their to support him on such a big day in his life and I'm angry for him that what is supposed to be a good and happy occasion is now going to be ruined by this.

Practically I'm also annoyed as well because whilst an invite is not a summons, I think it's bloody rude to accept it and then ignore your own brother and only tell him through someone else that you won't be coming a few days before after we've already paid for meals etc for him, his parent and child. We're on a budget with this and I just think it's so thoughtless and selfish.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 08:48

Wasn't invited on a stag do**

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 04/09/2019 08:55

Has he got something against you OP? This can't have come from nowhere.

Hahaha88 · 04/09/2019 08:58

He sounds like an absolute tool. All I can say is let him crack on with it and don't raise to his bait. You'll have a lovely wedding without him I'm sure x

Original poster
AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 08:59

Not that I know of! He's always been very pleasant when I've seen him. We live hours away so we don't see them a huge amount but DP does try and go down when he can and I go with him if I can too.

I think he may have some issues MH wise from what DP has told me about growing up which could be a factor.

But for us, this totally has come out of the blue which is why DP is so upset.

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 04/09/2019 09:00

Is there some long standing feud between the two or is the DB jealous of him? Can he not afford to buy clothes for his family for the event? Seems odd just to say he isn't coming, there must be some reason.

Apolloanddaphne · 04/09/2019 09:01

Can he maybe not afford accommodation or is he staying with family? Is his DP possibly engineering this - what is she like?

WhatsMyPassword · 04/09/2019 09:02

Stop listening to texts sent via 3rd parties and get your DH to pick up the phone/visit his brother face to face.

Original poster
AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 09:02

Apollo, we have no idea. We literally don't understand what is happening and he won't reply to any of DPs messages asking him what's going on, what has he done etc...

I don't know whether it's just to take attention away from DP on our wedding or what. We are very confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 09:03

DH to pick up the phone/visit his brother face to face

He's tried! He's tried calling and texting and he's being ignored!

His parents showed us the text he'd sent saying he wasn't coming so we know it's definitely true. But he won't talk to DP.

OP posts:
Fromage · 04/09/2019 09:05

It's definitely rude. That might be because he has anxiety or some other MH issue.

But at face value, his behaviour is typical of someone who's jealous, ime.

Original poster
AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 09:06

DP tries to stay in contact with his brother so much. I've seen him texting him for the 10th time with no reply asking how he's doing or trying to call and it going to answer machine for the 5th day in a row when we can clearly see he's online on social media etc...

But this is something a lot bigger and I think DP is going to struggle to forgive it.

If he can't afford it or can't afford suits whatever then he could speak to us, we aren't monsters. It's not some huge formal do with a bridezilla who'd take great offense. We'd understand and try and help if we could but we can't do anything at the moment because he won't tell us what the problem is.

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 04/09/2019 09:07

I think you need to message him back and say that it his choice not to come but that you are very disappointed and would have loved them to be there. Tell them that if they change their mind they can still come (it will be too late to change your number anyway) and leave it in their court. Do not message further. They may be looking fir drama. Just focus on getting married to the man you love and have a lovely day.

justilou1 · 04/09/2019 09:07

Sounds like he probably does has MH issues and has misbehaved in the past and thinks that your DF is lying about not having a stag do.

Original poster
AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 09:14

I do think there is a MH aspect to it yes. I want to be understanding but I'm just so upset for DP. It's really taken his excitement away for Saturday.

OP posts:
katewhinesalot · 04/09/2019 09:14

Is there jealousy at play here? It sounds as if he has form for this, just not on such a big scale. Possibly jealousy connected to the mental health issues.

I don't think now is the right time to tackle this. Park it, have a lovely day then see if, or how you can help him afterwards.

A conversation face to face where your dp is concerned about the wedding, not angry, and the reasons behind it.

CandyLeBonBon · 04/09/2019 09:16

My brother used to pull shit like this. In the end I went NC (long history of emotionally abusive behaviour so not a one off) - he has anxiety and I understand about mh issues and am sympathetic (diagnosed with issues myself), but mh problems don't excuse shitty behaviour imo. Sorry this has happened op. The ghosting alone is crazy-making.

Original poster
AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 09:17

I know DP is going to struggle to get over this though. I cant imagine him wanting to speak to his brother after such a massive statement. And the cruelness of leaving it until a matter of days before.

OP posts:
hormonesorDHbeingadick · 04/09/2019 09:21

You say there wasn’t a stag do but then you say it was low key so he didn’t bother to invite his brother. Was there a stag do that your DP did not invite his brother too?

Original poster
AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 09:22

I meant the wedding was a low key affair so DP didn't feel the need for a flashy stag do or anything like that. He hasn't had one. It's not his thing at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 09:22

And never bothered as in, never bothered with a stag do.

OP posts:
hormonesorDHbeingadick · 04/09/2019 09:25

Ah ok. Do you think the brother might not believe that there was no stag do?

Original poster
AnnoyedWedding · 04/09/2019 09:26

Do you think the brother might not believe that there was no stag do?

Possibly but I'm not sure why! DP really isn't a drinker or someone who 'goes out' so it's not impossible to believe he wouldn't have one.

OP posts:
KUGA · 04/09/2019 09:27

He sounds like another knob head.
It`s who goes that matter not who chooses not to.
I would take the invitation back and tell him to do one.

twofournine · 04/09/2019 09:33

It sounds to me like the brother thinks there was a stag and he wasn't invited so he thinks why should I go to the wedding. Get your OH to send him one last message saying there was no stag do and he would like him there. If there is no reply or he doesn't attend then I would be rethinking about how much of a relationship you want with this man.

FuriousVexation · 04/09/2019 09:39

Does the brother have anxiety?

Swipe left for the next trending thread