To be angry with DPs brother

[AnnoyedWedding]

This will be incredibly outing by here goes...

We are getting married on Saturday and DPs brother has left it until now to say he's not coming.

This was after saying all along he was coming with his girlfriend and child.

He's avoided DP for the past few weeks, ignoring texts and telephone calls, not going up to his parents who he lives 10 minutes from when DP has gone to visit etc...

He didn't tell DP. DPs parents said you need to let us know asap because we were confused as to why he was ignoring us about arrangements for Saturday and he text his mum to say he wont be coming because he has better things to do with his time.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that DP has done nothing wrong. There's been absolutely no arguments or fall out between them or anything like that. His brother mentioned something about being upset he was invited on a stag do but DP confirmed he hasn't had one which is true, it's not his thing and it's quite a low key affair so he never bothered.

DP is now upset and can't stop thinking how his brother won't be their to support him on such a big day in his life and I'm angry for him that what is supposed to be a good and happy occasion is now going to be ruined by this.

Practically I'm also annoyed as well because whilst an invite is not a summons, I think it's bloody rude to accept it and then ignore your own brother and only tell him through someone else that you won't be coming a few days before after we've already paid for meals etc for him, his parent and child. We're on a budget with this and I just think it's so thoughtless and selfish.

I had this with my sister in law, she initially accepted then said 2 weeks before that she may not come. As her husbands work colleague was getting married that same day?! We hadn't fallen out so were a bit puzzled why you'd chose a work colleague over your brother?! We had already paid for the food for them (family of 3). My husband was stunned into silence. I just said, go to the one you want to. I left them to it. On the day they actually turned up!! They said they'd leave early, again I said do what you want. They stayed until the end! People are weird. Best thing you can do is leave your bil to it, and leave it open.

Forgot to say, enjoy your wedding.

What do his parents think? Have they tried talking to BiL?

Was he hoping to be best man? Is he upset about being left out of the wedding party and now also suspicious he's been left out of a stag do (that never happened)

Perhaps you could write him a heartfelt letter, with your tone being kind and understanding, asking him one last time to reconsider as you would both love him there, apologising if either of you has upset him in any way (gently explain again about there being no stag do and the wedding being a very low key affair). Have it delivered (rather than a text) and then just leave it at that.

And then, just put the issue aside, and have a wonderful wedding and enjoy your day, knowing you did all you could.

Have a lovely day without the brother, he'll be the loser. Ignore him, all this running after him is giving him the attention he wants. It's probably down to jealousy.

Is he an attention seeker? The being annoyed about no stag and texting your in laws instead of you two suggests he wants drama.

DSIL had similar happen in her in laws family. The woman was an attention seeker who didn't like being put in the shade. She expected DSIL and her fiance to chase and beg. They didn't. She still turned up. She had a friend not turn up due to anxiety, but she has suspected that could happen and ended up reassuring her upset friend it was ok.

Rude as it is, accept the decline in invitation and stop chasing him. Sadly, this isn't something that's brushed over and the way BIL has done this will cause damage in your relationship with him.

Did he expect to be best man?