To be annoyed that only I can save

[vraimentnul]

Myself and DH are on v low wages. He earns 18k a year. I work 2 days a week and on top of child benefits etc I get £900 a month and pay all bills. After an left with around £450. I pay for all of the food, entertainment, kids clothes and still manage to save around £100 a month.
Dh pays rent and ends up with about £600 after. He only has to pay for himself. Can't save and ends up borrowing from the joint savings every month. If I even try to talk about money he just shuts down and it irritates the life out of me. I'll be say something like 'shall we work out a budget for the month between us' or 'why don't you put £50 in the joint savings at the start of the month then if you need it at the end you can get it out' and he'll act like I'm being controlling. I'm also going down to one day a week next month as it's over 2 jobs and I've handed my notice in on one ready to pick up more hours at my new job and will be £200 less off a month for a couple of months.

So you are roughly spending the same as him towards the household costs BUT he earns more and apparently doesn't recognise your contribution in terms of caring for the children, running the home and making sure bills are paid.

If you do get those extra hours could you get childcare in place? Possibly with help for that?

As for it being "too expensive" to do the travel weekly for him to have contact with the kids why would that cost be solely yours? Personally I think it would be on him to cover - half of it at the very least!

It's utterly ridiculous that not only is he spending so much solely on himself he's expecting you to bail him out when he fucks up!

I'm afraid I definitely agree you should put the savings in your name only, stop bailing him out and seriously consider leaving him.

I've been a single mum 16 years, it's not easy but is possible and I can't help but think that you'd likely actually be - certainly long term - much better off financially without him AND better off mentally/emotionally.

You're both the same age, he has kids time he grew the fuck up and started taking responsibility!

At the very least I'd be making an appointment with a money management charity, expecting him to also attend and maybe THEY (I suspect particularly if it were a man the appointment was with!) can get through his thick skull that parents don't get to spend freely without FIRST making sure their families needs are covered appropriately.

What the hell is he spending all that money on anyway?!

His income is about double yours and he's expecting you to pay about half of all costs AND save AND bail him out when he fucks up!

You should be covering 1/3 of costs, him 2/3 imo

You need to start again with your calculations. Work out what percentage of the total income you get and what percentage he gets. That is the same percentage you should pay towards the expenses. Make a list of everything. Include clothing, food, bills, rent, and savings towards holidays, Christmas, birthdays etc. Then on payday put your percentages into the account. What you have left (each) should be much but it's fair. If you don't do this now it will only get worse.

Don't work on percentages, it doesn't work out fairly for incomes that are different.

Combine all incomings to pay all joint costs including savings for annuals and irregulars and split the remainder 50/50 for spending money for adults.

he just point blank refuses to talk about money

So change the savings payment to go into your own account rather than the joint - then do the above yourself. When he asks for a sub, say 'there's no money left' and shut it down.

As others have said. Save your money is a sole account he can’t get access to and don’t lend him any of it I would also remove all the joint money and place that in a sole account as well!