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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Night shift issues again

77 replies

Raspberryfrog · 03/09/2019 18:58

I work night shifts. At the moment I am doing two 12 hour shifts Monday night and Tuesday night. It’s a caring role and last night I was really really busy as the girl I care for was quite poorly
This morning I got in and got to bed about 10.

DH works 6 hours a day term time only as a teacher. He finished at 1 every day
He woke me at 3 and asked if I wanted to go and get Ds from school. I said I was shattered still after a busy night and please could he do it.

Usually I am up by 4 but when 4 came around I had a seizure (epileptic) so I asked if I could stay in bed a bit longer. I asked if Ds was ok and DH said he was being no trouble but I could tell DH was a bit annoyed but I am working tonight so had to recover.
I get up at 6 and come down. DH barges past me and says Ds is all yours I am going to bed.

I go upstairs and ask what he problem was and he says I have been in bed all day. I point out that the time is 10 past 6 and he was up at half seven this morning so he has not even been up for 12 hours yet. Yet I had done a 12 hour shift last night and was about to go on another.
Over the holidays I have worked 50 hour weeks to cover staff leave. Ds has been at holiday club most days and a couple of days DH took him out.
Aibu to think DH is not hard done by. I think I need to give up this job and find a day job it has caused nothing but trouble

OP posts:

Wafflecopter · 03/09/2019 19:34

Christ he sounds like a catch.
Has he always been like this when you do nights or is this a strange one off? Either way I’d absolutely be ringing him early tomorrow morning and waking him up to see how he likes it. I’m petty though.

xSharonNeedlesx · 03/09/2019 19:36

If your dh only works term time why the hell was your son not with him the majority of the 6 weeks hols?

RedPanda2 · 03/09/2019 19:39

So you had a seizure and he got annoyed? Your DH sounds horrid. If he didn't wNt to do childcare he shouldn't have had a child! You do a really hard job and nights just to make it even harder. I hope you get some proper rest soon. Tell your DH to fuck off if he wakes you up again.

Saddler · 03/09/2019 19:39

The bloke's a dickhead

Cocobean30 · 03/09/2019 19:40

Change your shifts to day and leave the knobhead. Surely consideration for your partner is one of the very basic elements of a relationship and he was getting moody over sleep you needed as you just did a 12 HOUR NIGHT SHIFT and having a seizure????? What a prick

MostlyHappyMummy · 03/09/2019 19:43

Change to day shifts
And refuse to change back

Sunflower20 · 03/09/2019 19:48

WTF is his problem? So selfish. I'd be questioning the relationship because honestly what kind of a prick wakes their partner up post nights!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Original poster

Raspberryfrog · 03/09/2019 19:49

He is now in bed sulking so I will be putting Ds to bed and wont even get chance to have a shower

OP posts:

timshelthechoice · 03/09/2019 19:53

What? No, you send your DS into your H and take a shower. Fuck him off! It's not even 8.

XXcstatic · 03/09/2019 19:53

I think I need to give up this job and find a day job it has caused nothing but trouble

You don't have a job problem, you have a DH problem.

Oldraver · 03/09/2019 19:55

Well nothing has changed since your last thread.

I can tbelieve he stropped off to bed at 6 after only working 5 hours.

I think you have to lay down the lasw that when you are on a night shift there is to be NO waking you up before 4ish 5 really. And you need to be in bed way before 10am

NettleTea · 03/09/2019 19:56

Is this the twat who used to want you to go shopping just for an hour or so when you came home from your night shift?

If so I see nothing has changed since last time.

Definately change your shifts. It will be healthier for you and you may appreciate the hours better if you head it alone with your son.

Your husband is a pisstaker

Notthetoothfairy · 03/09/2019 20:03

You shouldn’t be getting up till 6pm anyway to have a normal amount of sleep! He should no way have woken you up before then. I agree, you should change your working pattern or job as he is not being at all understanding and it sounds exhausting.

Zog14 · 03/09/2019 20:05

Nights shifts have well documented health risks. I used to do them but stopped because it negatively impacted my diabetes mgt.

I doubt they are great for epilepsy

Having said that, as previous posters have stated, your major problem is your partner. Totally unacceptable behaviour from him.

Kick his arse into gear and tell him you are moving to day shifts to protect your health, as a direct result of his selfish behaviour. He will then have to parent his child. Job done.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/09/2019 20:07

Change your work pattern and then throw this man out. He's going to get worse, not better, and this won't do your epilepsy any good - stress can make it worse and living with a selfish, lazy man who is almost certainly drifting towards abusive is bad for your health.
(I am only advocating you change to day shifts because those will be easier to get childcare for than night shifts, unless you have a friend/family member willing to either stay overnight at yours or have your DC overnight.)

underneaththeash · 03/09/2019 20:07

You really should not be doing night shifts if you have epilepsy.

You are right, you need to get another job.

(however your DP is also an arse)

BuildBuildings · 03/09/2019 20:08

Is he working part time because of health issues? Just doesn't seem like he's working part time to be a part time sahp too. He seems like an arse. Night shifts are horrible. You did well not to throw something at him when he woke you up. I think you need a discussion about expectations. Tbh it should be obvious to him but it's clearly not.

Purpleartichoke · 03/09/2019 20:08

If you don’t get to go to bed til 10, he shouldn’t be disturbing you until 6 at the absolute minimum. He is being completely unfair.

Onlythelonelywelcome · 03/09/2019 20:09

If your dh only works term time why the hell was your son not with him the majority of the 6 weeks hols?
Was coming on to say this but someone beat me to it. Isn’t that one of the Davao first being a teacher?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/09/2019 20:16

Over the holidays I have worked 50 hour weeks to cover staff leave. Ds has been at holiday club most days and a couple of days DH took him out

Why on earth didn't dh parent his own child over the summer seeing as he was off work?

dottiedodah · 03/09/2019 20:17

I think I would look into Day Shifts instead TBH.I have never done a Night Shift but feel tired out just thinking about them!.Why cant he go back to teaching maybe P/T or Bank work?.He sounds rather spoilt and needs to realise he cant have it all his way!

PinkiOcelot · 03/09/2019 20:20

He sounds like a total and utter prick. Childish and petty too.

BTW, I’ve never worked a night shift but I do understand how tiring they must be. Just for those who say those of us who have never done a night shift haven’t got a clue.

itsabongthing · 03/09/2019 20:21

Sound really tough. Also sounds like night shifts are not going to work unless DH is supportive and signed up to the idea.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 03/09/2019 20:23

Hes being a shit. I've never done night shifts and cant understand how people cant understand its really tough on your body.

Have you sat him down and asked him why he thinks its ok to wake you up after you've worked 12 hours? So the equivalent of getting him up at 4am if he had worked from 9am and been marking and lesson planning non stop til 9pm and gone to bed exhausted an hour later, to so something that you could do yourself? How would he cope with that?

vanillaicedtea · 03/09/2019 20:28

Don't change your hours to suit him. Only change if you want to change them for you and only you.

Honestly, I'd just go to him tonight and literally spell it out for him.

"You work x hours on a working day. You have x hours sleep a night"
"I work x hours on a working day, x more than you. I have x hours of sleep, x less than you"
"If you genuinely think it's acceptable to be hounding me to get up after x hours of sleep, then I'll make sure I wake you up so you have the same as me, then it's fair. Or you can accept you're being self centred and let me sleep as much as you, if not more, as night shift work is more tiring than regular work. You are depriving me of sleep which is abusive. Also, if I have an epileptic fit, I medically need time to recover. You do not need to go to bed at 6pm after being up less than a whole day. Get over yourself"

If he continues to be an arse I'd think about leaving, tbh. It's not as if he has 18 hour days or something mental like that. He's being a dick and an abusive one at that.

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