AIBU to NOT go on a diet?

[LeilaDarling]

Ok, so will try to keep it brief as juggling a lot at the moment:

1. unhappy at work
2. my youngest age 3 has just received ADHD diagnosis, family life chaotic at all times.
3. only get about 4 - 5 hours disturbed sleep a night.
4. close relative sectioned and dealing with mental health and all their financial affairs
5. relationship problems with husband
6. volatile thyroid disorder
7. recently ended close friendship So I am 3 stone overweight. Hard to diet due to all the above and last night the words I knew he was thinking but had never said before: “That’s why you are FAT”. Yes I am, I know I am but I simply have no inclination nor willpower to do anything about it. Literally can’t take any more pressure at all. Food is, and always has been, my comfort. In a bad place and struggling to get through each day without crying. I slip out of work to come home to be alone and have peace whilst the house is empty. AIBU to not diet??? He desperately wants me to.

Yanbu. Its not the right time for you and will be an added pressure.
I need to lose a stone but gave up ww last year as my adult son had MH issues which meant I just couldn't focus on me.
Also was trying for promotion at work.
All getting better now so will try again soon as i m settled into new role.
Can you try just boosting yourself a bit with some new clothes and a nice haircut/style?
And give yourself some you time?
I m single so have no outside pressure to lose it and i m sorry you feel you do.
Take it slow and do it little by little when YOU are ready.
Sounds like you ve had a tough time

Thank you recklessruby I’ve actually just booked a haircut in x

I'm in a similar boat. So I get it. Also needing to worry about what you're eating is extra work.

I have stress from every angle. (Except marriage thankfully, my husband is my rock and doesn't care I've ballooned to a size 18/20)

But I've been using all the other shit in my life as an excuse. And piled on 3.5 stone I lost last year.

I realise now I owe it to myself to be healthy and then at least I could feel good about my size/appearance and not be risking my own health.

It's hard watching my parents going through what they are. It's my main stress.

If I keep eating the way I am I'll be putting similar on my DC.

YANBU - you can't lose weight because "he" wants you to, it has to be because you want to. You have to be in the right mindset for a diet, although really you shouldn't look at it as a diet and more of a lifestyle change. However, be careful not to fall into the trap of making excuses because if you are 3 stone over weight and don't nip it in the bud you will be 4 stone, then 5 stone overweight etc.

'Diets' don't work anyway. So YANBU at all.

Don’t diet but try to include healthy food in your diet because you deserve to be healthy and nourished.
Go out for walks too as this can help you physically and mentally.
You’ve got a lot to cope with so being nourished and getting fresh air can help you deal with things better.
Take comfort where you can because you deserve to feel soothed as well.

No, you certainly dont need to diet, they dont work anyway. It might however be helpful for you to try and find foods which you love but are also healthy. I really think that the right food can help you get through the day with energy.

Absolutely not a good time to diet. I would just be mindful of gaining additional weight if you (like me) seek comfort in food. Then you're adding additional stress to yourself. Yes you're three stone overweight but that's manageable. When you feel up to it you'll be able to lose that. Just don't make it 4, 5 or 6 stone to lose. I don't mean that to sound judgemental or harsh, I do know how hard it can be.

Don't diet but start exercising. It will help you physically and mentally

No, you need to "diet" to lose weight, if you carry on eating as you do but exercise too it won't make any difference. Weight loss is 80% nutrition, 20% exercise. Just start off by making small changes, less snacks, less carbs and do it that way. Don't start with anything brutal as it won't be sustainable, be realistic, realise that 1-2 lb a week is an ideal weight loss and see how you go.....when you are ready.

Sorry to hear this OP - you have a lot to deal with and certainly deserve some comfort.

However, using food as comfort is not a great idea if you are already overweight. It could well end up making you feel worst and literally add to your burdens.

(Feeling tired often makes food even more attractive. I think that the body associates the feeling with being a bit low on calories and needing a boost. Sadly, if the tiredness is for other reasons, then eating won't work and probably makes you feel more miserable.)

Dieting does require some time and energy to spend on yourself.
This does not seem to be the right time.

Instead , could you consider other possible means of comfort?

Having some quiet time in the house is good. Could you find non-eating ways to enjoy that restful peace? (Burning lovely candles -reading- knitting - doing gentle yoga - watching an episode of something fun and engaging?)

Walking in fresh air is great - as is meeting and enjoying the company of good friends.

You could try things that seem like expensive luxuries to you. They might cost more than food but will help to remind you that you are worth more than you think and that you deserve treats. (Confidence and self-worth are very attractive qualities even at 3 stone overweight. Boosting these things is important in helping you cope with your very demanding real life too.)

I've voted YABU but wanted to explain also as it could be that it's a YANBU depending on where you are coming from.

A "diet" probably isn't right for you now but losing weight definitely is. 3 stone overweight will be having quite a significant effect on your overall wellbeing. Losing the weight has impacts as simple as increasing your confidence to deal with difficult times to helping you sleep well at night.

Be kind to yourself, make a few better choices but don't declare to yourself or anybody else that it's a diet, but remember that your future self will be so thankful for what present you has done for her.

Your DH sounds a cock btw but I think you know that. Good luck.

Watching and controlling what you eat can be about taking care of yourself and putting yourself first. It sounds that with everything you have going on you could do with some time for yourself and some self care.
Whether that comes in the form of healthier food or taking time for yourself for a walk in the evenings to disconnect might not be the worst thing in the world.
BUT it has to be for you not for anyone else.
Has your OH offered to help and take any of the load or prep health dinners or give you time to have a walk?
If he is just complaining and not helping then he can stfu in my opinion.

No, I would not diet.
But you need some stress reducing mild exercise. Maybe take 20min walks at lunch or in morning/evening?
You probably won’t lose weight but you will feel better and be doing something good for your health.

I don't think you should diet but looking at using food as a crutch might help you.

Eating better makes you feel better it might help things. Dont do any crazy diets dont weigh yourself just be mindful of what you eat. I'm a comfort eater a celebrations eater basically an everything eater but when I do over eat crap I feel sluggish and irritable so it actually makes everything worse.

As he's said 'Thats why your fat' were you talking about the problems and how you feel, if so he simply acknowledged what you yourself knew. You didn't say he said you needed to diet simply that he stated the obvious (comfort eating). If you have all that going on then you won't stop comfort eating until you want to/feel able to make the change. Dieting when you're not really ready will not work and just make you feel worse.

Hope he's being supportive with the issues you're facing.

I really recommend you surround yourself with body positive/body neutral messaging. Megan Crabbe is a great starting point - if you are on Instagram she is Body Posi Panda and she also has a book you could read. I found her and others with similar approach/messaging have helped me to accept my body more even though it's fat which puts me in a better place mentally which ultimately may lead me to be able to eat differently. I now treat myself with respect instead of negative self talk. You have loads on right now, life is tough, you know food is a coping mechanism so give yourself a break. You're coping. You're surviving x

Sorry just noticed at the end he does want you to diet, well it won't work if you're not ready. Unless he's slim suggest he joins you on the diet when you do.

YANBU not to diet but you say Food is, and always has been, my comfort. In a bad place and struggling to get through each day without crying.
So I would ask this: If food really is the comfort, why are you still in a bad place and struggling? Food hasn't changed a thing has it? In fact,it is actually causing you more problems. Of course, you can replace the word 'food' with alcohol, drugs, sex or, for me, cigarettes. Whatever it is that people use as a crutch may make them feel better for a short while but does nothing to address the root of the issue and actually makes things worse in the long term.

No, yanbu. But I would go to the GP about the thyroid stuff, because that may be contributing significantly to your weight gain. I'd add though - and this is not to gee you up, but to show that there is another perspective - that having lost over two stone despite having a very busy and not always easy life, I value the feeling of control I have over my weight, esp. when other things are out of my control. (I do intermittent fasting so it requires no headspace - it's simply "your food for today is x, you don't eat anything else".)

If it's not the right time you won't do it and it will become another thing to feel crap about.

However, self care is important. I feel better when I run because it gives me a routine, I sleep better, I have more energy and I get outside. Is there anything that makes you feel better that's also healthy?

BTW if you'd asked me to run four years ago I would have laughed in your face. I didn't even run for buses.

A diet should be a way of life, not something you go on to lose weight. If you're conscious but can't cope with thinking about it too much at the moment, all you need to do is swap unhealthy treats for fruit, nuts, breadsticks&hummus and eat smaller portions. Exercise is good for reducing stress, so perhaps a walk for some fresh air.

Don’t diet but try to include healthy food in your diet because you deserve to be healthy and nourished.
Go out for walks too as this can help you physically and mentally.
You’ve got a lot to cope with so being nourished and getting fresh air can help you deal with things better.
Take comfort where you can because you deserve to feel soothed as well.

This is good advice. Self-care and nourishment are so important. Anything that causes you extra stress at the minute won’t be a good idea.
Figure out ways to ease your stress and make time each day to focus on what you need ie a half hour bubble bath or leisurely walk to clear your head or read a good book.

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Once things get a bit easier and you have more headspace, you will be able to focus on your health (don’t focus on ‘dieting’, or your weight).

I agree to come at it from a self care POV.

Every part of your life is tough going at the moment.

You need to be at your best, physically and mentally.

What we eat is linked to our mental health and of course physically.

You will feel a lot better if you nourish your body and brain.

Comfort eating doesn't work, I've done it. It brings on other issues.

You might be three stone over weight now nut that will continue to go up.

I'd put together a life plan and change what you can. I've been there, except it was my DH who was sectioned and two of my children had SN.

bunglefromrainbow I love your response, yes I do know, haha