AIBU to think they want to kick me out of my job?

[SVDW1136]

Hi MN, posting here for traffic and advice.

Been in my job just over a year. Passed 6 months’ probation without any problems. A couple of months after that, I was told I was having issues with:

• not being proactive in getting work;
• being defensive when receiving criticism; and
• my output not being 100%.

My area is law and I am quite junior, with a year of mat leave thrown in post qualification, and coming back to work PT in this new role, 3 days a weeks. So my experience doesn’t match my years of qualification which they recognise.

In the same meeting I am put on an informal performance improvement plan (PIP), I tell my manager I am pregnant. A month later, even though I have been working extremely hard to improve (and been getting positive feedback on some pieces of work, being recognised that I am working hard to build a pipeline of work, not perceived to take feedback badly), I am told they are worried that I don’t have the ability to legally analyse which is obviously the fundamental part of my job. There have been a few instances of where I have looked at something and got the wrong conclusion (nothing sent to clients) and I’ve been told it’s just plain English language and they are frustrated I don’t understand. To a point, I can see that but a lot of it is learning what the words mean is by experience. But I take responsibility for not understanding and perhaps rushing to get work done and not being methodical/thorough enough.

I am worried about being put on a formal PIP (not sure how long it will last, manager is getting advice from HR this week) and how it affects maternity, and also my job prospects. I would leave to avoid being let go but as I am visibly pregnant (3rd baby, due late Jan) I doubt anywhere else would take me on currently.

My priority is to really improve... I am just scared I don’t actually have the legal analysis skills they have talked about. I trained at a top 20 firm and worked for 2 years at another top 30 firm before moving here and never had such an issue.

Do you think they are just managing me out at this point? It’s a large team, quite clique-y, some of the senior people don’t like PT parents and I don’t think I’ve had enough time to bed in. I’m so worried and upset, have barely slept. Any advice, including how to sharpen my legal analysis skills, would be greatly appreciated.

@whatever123noname exactly what I said before and I've been blamed for. It's nonsense!

My DIL was flavour of the month with her boss for years, progressing well, when she got engaged he got a bit cool but she plodded on. Marriage then as soon as she got pregnant was basically sent to Coventry, he would berate her re: dress code when she was eight months pregnant and nothing fitted. She was pulled up by HR because she had to rush to the loo to vomit a lot. It was off putting for the other staff an possible clients she was told. A senior colleague told her all this was par for the course with this boss. He had been married three times himself, workaholic so did not see how anyone was entitled to a personal life.

Not saying this is what is happening in your case OP. But I would look around for a more favourable employer.

@whatever123noname I really don’t think that’s what that sentence meant, I think it meant proactive enough to know when and where to help her senior colleagues rather than being asked to help all the time

So you completed your training contract and then worked for 2 years at another firm plus 6 months at the current place and during this time you’ve had 2 lots of maternity and another due in jan?

Plus you’re working part time?

I really don’t think that’s what that sentence meant, I think it meant proactive enough to know when and where to help her senior colleagues rather than being asked to help all the time

I would think the same.

So is OP on her third pregnancy then? I missed that.

Lawyer here - they are pushing you out because of your mat leave

I struggle to understand how you come to this conclusion. She says she's making erroneous judgements, for a qualified lawyer that's a fairly big deal, and they don't understand hows she's doing it. She says she doesn't understand what words mean and is rushing to complete, meaning her conclusions are wrong.

That's a huge issue, she's qualified, no one should be having to check her work for accuracy and if she doesn't understand some words, she can ask, or even look it up.

I agree with @SayWhatNowYall. I'm a lawyer working in house. Because of the nature of the work, it is pretty common to have people working here who are returning to work after a long absence.

Even with people who are very experienced, the gap can cause problems. I know its hard when you're only working three days a week, but could you have a look at your workload and identify a couple of matters which are more complex and on which you need to take more time, and see if someone more senior can actively support you on those matters?

It may be miscommunication at the moment and it could be retrievable if you're able to use whatever support they can give you and demonstrate through that support that you're capable of doing the job.

Law is not a forgiving profession.

I suspect it is a mix of

• they’ve lost confidence in your legal abilities (and this sounds like it has some basis tbh) which is the biggest problem
• distrust of part timers
• you are perceived as not pulling your weight (I presume by output not 100% they mean not billing what they would expect)
• a sprinkling of audacity to get pregnant again with short tenure with them

I don’t really understand the point about not understanding some words. Is your first language not English and so you literally didn’t understand the words or are you talking about legal phrases eg what “all reasonable steps” means? Can you give an example of what you mean? Is there someone more senior who isn’t your boss who could help mentor you with this? If they don’t have confidence in your legal abilities then tbh it will be game over - no client harm may have been done yet but they won’t want to wait until it is and they shouldn’t have to check your work on day to day matters. A trainee yes but not someone with some years on the clock. And tbh once the trust is gone in your abilities it is a rare to be able to fully recover it although I have seen it.

Tbh I suspect your best bet would be to try and hold out until your mat leave (perhaps starting early if needed) and not coming back or alternatively looking for a compromise agreement.

Sorry I can’t be more positive.

You say you were put on the performance improvement plan before you said you were pregnant so that is a bit of a red herring

Agree. Thr op was put on the pip before announcing she was pregnant, she's only four months pregant now and was three months when she told them after they put her on pip. She appears to have started this role a year ago part time, and there appears to be real perfomance related issues.

For example what words does she not understand? They are saying the words she doesn't understand are basic English. So is there a language barrier?

Hi all

Many thanks for your replies - I'll try and answer as many questions as possible (baby 2 is napping and baby 1 is in school).

My replies have turned into War and Peace – so in summary, I think I need to really consider whether I have the capability to do this job, hold on as long as possible until mat leave whilst doing what I can to improve, and then look for a role elsewhere.

@proseccoaficionado – this was the first time I’ve ever had feedback saying I was defensive (for a specific instance). I am actually very grateful for feedback and thank the person giving me feedback, as I am happy that they have taken the time to help me improve. In relation to being proactive about getting work, @ShirleyPhallus has got my workplace mentality right, in that they want juniors to line up work, ask about next steps and as I don’t have my own clients, I am reliant on senior members to cascade work down. For this to happen, I have to be enthusiastic and vocal to ensure people know I have capacity.

@greentheme23, perhaps, but I have really taken steps to make sure I am being receptive and actively seeking feedback since I was first told that.

@FuriousVexation yes, I was given an informal PIP on how to improve, and bar the lack of ability to analyse, I have improved and been given positive feedback on the other elements. The main issue is my capability to do the main aspect of the job.

@Lanurk I started there after a period of mat leave, will have been there 18 or so months before starting another period of mat leave i.e. no mat leave with this employer.

@IAmALazyArse I’d rather not type out the types of things I have misunderstood but I do know, once they have been explained to me, I was wrong in my interpretation.

@MassDebat yes, this seems so – although I worked with very demanding people in this practice area before and my analytical abilities have been praised. I am clearly not demonstrating that here though…

@elessar yes, people sometimes do work late and take work home. I have no issue with this, and have done this when necessary, totally understanding that it is part of my job role. I have had one day off sick with my daughter in over a year and my husband does pick up, so I can stay late / attend events as appropriate. I do drop at breakfast club at 7:30am and, barring train issues, am in for 8:30am. Yes, I really need to think about my ability overall. I have always achieved previously, academically and professionally, so this dip in my abilities is a real blow to my confidence and morale. I know it’s my fault, and I am struggling to convey my abilities to my employer at the moment.

@Whitegrenache I’m sorry this happened to you! I’m glad it was for the best and you are in a better environment now. I think your advice is what I will have to do, sadly. I really wanted it to work here. Thanks also for the link, the feedback is mostly in line with those principles. I am also keeping a log of work given, what steps I have taken, feedback received and my learning points.

@MaggietheHorseThief when I get the feedback, it is explained and my issue is interpretation – making interpretative mistakes about different pieces of law. I think I will have to look elsewhere after mat leave as I don’t think they’d be keen to keep me.

@SayWhatNowYall – it’s not definitions, it’s making interpretative mistakes. I don’t think I should be allowed to learn by experience completely, I was just saying that some of it is experience. I know I should be better at analysing than I am currently demonstrating.

“You effectively want to be picked up on your mistakes and have them caught before they go to clients. This sounds like a lack of proactivity and rigour on your part, and I’m not surprised your colleagues are frustrated to have to catch your errors before they become problematic for clients.

I think you need to eat humble pie, REALLY listen to the feedback of your managers and peers, and find ways to become more accurate, more proactive and more open to feedback.

With a third baby on the way I can imagine finding the will might be difficult though. Can you foresee ‘making a good end’ with this firm and finding a better fit somewhere else after mat leave? Avoid blaming cliques and people who don’t like part time parents. You need to be totally honest with yourself if you are being overly defensive and digging yourself a hole.”

This has really resonated with me, you’re right – other things are a side issue, and the main thing is my lack of ability. I really need to show my employers that I do have it. I am eating a big dose of humble pie, and really trying to take it in, act on it and turn things around. I am just scared that no matter how much I do, they have lost faith in me and will not want me anymore, and I’ll be out of a job before mat leave. I have been up half the night crying as no enhanced, or even SMP will make things difficult for my family.

@Tonnerre – not new, but still very inexperienced as it’s a very niche area. I should have these skills, and thought I did – I wouldn’t have come to this firm if I thought I wasn’t up to the job.

@Kanga83 yes, eating a lot of pie and trying to respond positively. I am going to try not to rush, be more methodical and ask for help.

@DinoGreen I won’t say as it’s very niche and potentially outing – yes, mat leave and PT has impacted me greatly. I think hanging on and looking for another role may have to be the way forward.

@whatever123noname that’s really awful. I am hoping that’s not the case here. I will hold on as much as I can and seek another position after mat leave. They aren’t expecting me to bring in clients, sorry if that’s been miscommunicated.

@justasking111 Sorry that happened to your DIL. I will look around after mat leave, I am so worried about being pushed out before I can get at least statutory pay.

@Funghi I was late into law – had baby 1 pre-training contract, completed the training contract and moved firms (because my TC firm had a job for me but in a different city as their team in my city had upped and left), was at my NQ/PQE2 firm for 2 years, had baby 2 and then moved to current firm after mat leave last June, to work PT.

@Bluntness100 the accuracy issue is due to my interpretation skills. I have been given good feedback on other pieces of work, but that’s the kind of work a junior should have no trouble getting right. It’s the more senior level work, interpretation and application of law where I am failing. It does hurt to say it, I have always been well thought of previously.

@BongosMingo thanks for your candid input. I agree, I need to seriously think whether I have the correct skill set to continue on this path. I thought I did, but I am not showing my employers that currently and I understand their frustration. I am incredibly frustrated with myself too. The learning curve for my practice area is incredibly steep and working PT with mat leave thrown in, does not help. I feel so behind, and I am failing in catching up. I shouldn’t be making these errors and feel very angry with myself when I do. If I am offered a compromise agreement, I will seriously think about it, but to be honest, why would they offer me one when I don’t really have any grounds to complain? I will have to move on after mat leave, I hope I can hang on and show them I really trying in the meantime. It galls to be considered such a bad lawyer when I have worked very hard to get to this point.

@kingsassassin I will use all the support available and try to show them I am capable, for whatever time I have left with this firm.

@HugoSpritz - sorry, not meant to be a red herring – just information. I don’t mean to victimise myself. Yes, in house/public sector may be a better option.

@CloudRusting again, I appreciate your honest advice. Yes, I suspect you’ve got the right mix. Agree – I will try and hold out until mat leave, do my best and improve as much as I can, and seek a new role elsewhere after mat leave. I sadly don’t think there’s a future here for me.

No specific advice but I want to say I had the same experience as Whitegrenache. My first two jobs, the management loved me and tried to keep me when I moved on after several years. Third job, something just didn't work... culture, or something intangible. They thought I was useless and got rid of me. In the fourth job now and I'm back to being thought very highly of.

Moral of the story is don't let this knock your confidence. Maybe they're being unfair, maybe you really are underperforming, but either way it doesn't mean you won't be valued in the next job like you were in the one previous to this.

OP I'll PM you

@BongosMingo I’ll PM you if you don’t mind. Thank you all for your advice and thoughts. Sorry to hear of similar situations.

An update: I wasn’t being unreasonable and HR approached me to discuss a compromise agreement as @BongosMingo predicted. Thanks to her advice, and kindness in responding me to directly, even though I was shocked it was actually offered, at least I wasn’t totally blindsided by the prospect. I don’t think work are interested in actually helping me develop with the PIP as words like “written warning” leading to “dismissal” were used so I think the process would would a strung out formality that would be stressful for both me and my employer. I hope we can work out a reasonable agreement and I will have to think about job hunting towards the end of maternity leave.

Again, many thanks for your responses - MN really rescued me from being that naive.

Op I have PMd you. Hope you see it but one final remark from me: HR (in a law firm) are not your friends. Their only loyalty is to the partnership. Take care

Sorry to hear this @SVDW1136. Negotiate hard - I’d be asking for your notice pay (presumably 3 months?) plus maternity pay plus another 3 months. Play on the maternity angle - they raised this with you before they knew you were pregnant but the fact that they have rushed to present you with a compromise agreement so soon after the PIP meeting gives you something to negotiate with.

Agree with the others - negotiate hard, this is the time to ask for more and not accept the first offer they give you. They’ve decided they want you out and would prefer to pay you off than risk tribunal.

The relationship has already been damaged so don’t think you have to accept whatever they offer just to help smooth things along

Agree with Dino and Shirley : you can hand-wring and try not to upset anyone like the typeA lawyer you no doubt are 😉 but the relationship is essentially fucked now - just go for it. You don't need to be a drama llama, you can still be reasoned and calm but they've basically fired you (quietly) for allegedly underperforming - are they going to praise you within the industry? Invite you to speak at a panel event in 5 years time? Ask you to feature in the alumni magazine? No. You can thank them effusively and take their first offer and they still won't look fondly back on you. That's life with law firms.

A lot of people are filtered out of bigger firms at this point because they aren’t good enough at legal analysis (they will be expecting you to transition from needing help to occasionally misunderstanding and asking for help to getting it right consistently. If you can’t transition to getting it right you are useless to them.

I’m sure you were 100% good enough when you started with them otherwise they wouldn’t have hired you it given you good feedback. But if you aren’t progressing then you can’t really stay. There’s no shame in it, lots of people are managed out in the early years. Fundamentally we all have an intellectual ceiling or some of us take longer to learn than average.