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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fuming. Should I get my deposit back or keep waiting?

71 replies

MsHopey · 03/09/2019 06:57

There is tattoo artist who's work I love, I had DS 4 months ago and obviously I would never get a tattoo while pregnant and then I've been waiting to recover and quite honestly working up to leaving DS for a few hours.
So the artist put up a tattoo on her facebook that I absolutely love, I ask for a quote, I'm happy with it, she won't book me in at all without a deposit.
That's okay and makes sense, DH drives past the shop every day on the way home from work and drops the deposit off on friday at 9am. When DH asks for a date she says as she been dealing with me online she'll message me her available dates in a few hours. The afternoon comes around and I've heard nothing, so I sent a polite message asking if she's checked her availability, the message was read but no reply.
Saturday I send a polite prompt email, I get a reply a few hours later saying shes working on her diary later that day and will message me then. I reply with a great thanks. That stays unread till very late that night but no reply.
Sunday lunchtime I message asking if she'd had time to check her diary the night before, no reply, not been read.
Yesterday i phoned the shop, I'm getting a bit irritated at this point.
Shes so sorry, super busy, she will 100% message me at around 4 in the afternoon.
No message, again, Facebook is still saying my message from sunday is unread.
Would you ask for your deposit back and essentially write off the artist as not worth the bother?
DH isn't happy and neither am I. Things slip peoples mind but it feels I've been lied to 3 times now.
I can't look or book elsewhere when she has a chunk of our money. And if something as simple as a booking date is a struggle how with the rest of the experience be? And now I'm feeling so angry that I think it would be hard not to be annoyed if a booking ever did happen.
I know mumsnet hate tattoos but you can see why I'm annoyed.
The rules state as long as an appointment is cancelled 48 hours prior you can have your deposit back, obviously I dont even have an appointment yet
Aibu to just go and get my deposit back?

OP posts:

JustAnotherPoster00 · 03/09/2019 10:03

Unhelpful, unnecessary, and rude.

So?

user1573624 · 03/09/2019 10:03

Woaaah! Chill the fuck out dude. Friday morning before she was working all day to Sunday and you want to demand your deposit back? Given all the messages you've sent she's probably paranoid you are going to be one of those customers who are demanding and picky.

Kazzyhoward · 03/09/2019 10:03

If I were her I’d be thinking you’re a nightmare client and want to give the deposit back.

Likewise here. If a potential client pestered me daily like that, there's no way I'd be doing any work for them. In business or not, we have a personal life - we're not "on call" 24/7. If I choose to work outside my official working hours (which I often do), it's at MY discretion and choice. When you're managing your own diary, it's not as simple as checking a page - I have to check my works diary and my personal/home diary, especially for long appointments. I also have to look at other appointments which I know will result in further work/appointments shortly after and leave enough space for that too. I know nothing about tattoos but I imagine some can take many hours and some will need to be done over several appointments, so it's not as if it's a quick 10 minute dental check up that can be fitted in anywhere.

SansaSnark · 03/09/2019 10:05

Do people honestly think it's acceptable to take a deposit and not confirm the time of the appointment? I think that's pretty unprofessional of the tattoo artist. It sounds like the DH was willing to agree to an appointment time, but the tattoo artist was happy to take the money but not agree a time with him.

I agree with the posters who say you should go into the shop and sort out an appointment face to face, and if she really won't do this then ask for the deposit back. Don't get confrontational, though.

I think messaging probably isn't the best way to sort this out, going in person will be better.

Ultimately, she is running a business and needs to be professional - taking someone's money and not agreeing an appointment time is pretty crap to be honest.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 03/09/2019 10:10

Normally a tattooist will only take a deposit once the design has been chosen, some of mine have taken 5 to 6 hours, you should have gone in yourself OP she has no clue how big, where you want it and so on so trying to book you an appointment isnt that easy

Grumpos · 03/09/2019 10:15

Just go to the shop!
Who books a tattoo over email or fb? (Unless you’ve used them tons of times before and have a good relationship perhaps).
If she doesn’t get back to you in a day or two then just pop in and see her.
As a pp said - she’s not on call 24/7, she’s obvs busy, self employed and works in a role where she’s hardly checking her msgs and emails every few mins. You probably expect someone in an office to get back to you on a Saturday or Sunday....you need to unclench sorry

Grumpos · 03/09/2019 10:16

Wouldn’t* expect

Rainonmyguitar · 03/09/2019 10:23

I think checking a diary must not take long, I'm super flexible when it comes to date and time so would have accepted anything, even a few months away

So why do you keep messaging her and getting so wound up? If you're so flexible just chill out and wait for her to get back to you. You've said she's very good at what she does therefore she's probably super busy.

Original poster

MsHopey · 03/09/2019 10:29

I've admitted I'm probably being unreasonable and its the control freak and anxious side of me coming out.
I'm not this bad if I'm waiting for a reply on a quote or something, it's just something about having paid the money (£100) that just makes it a little bit more nerve wracking, and I have waited a while which is adding to the excitement (that's on me because of pregnancies and babies).
I'm going to wait it out for a bit and no more message.
Theres a few people I know which are getting riled up on my behalf and I must be easily influenced because my attempt to forget about it just doesn't work if other people keep bringing it up.
It's a pre drawn design and size has been discussed and we both seem happy.
She was lovely on the phone and made me feel better, it just seemed silly to waste petrol and be stuck on the road for an hour (there and back) and being away from the kids to just drop off the money when DH was only a few streets away.
I'm going to calm down and hope it doesn't affect the tattoo, experience or relationship.

OP posts:

Rainonmyguitar · 03/09/2019 10:30

Would you really be happy paying a deposit for something with no guarantee of an appointment time?

But OP has said herself that she's very flexible regarding when she gets an appointment.

I'm super flexible when it comes to date and time so would have accepted anything, even a few months away

So why the need to keep messaging? Maybe chase it up in a few days.

NoBaggyPants · 03/09/2019 10:35

Do you always overreact like this OP? It must be exhausting. If this is a regular thing, have a chat with your GP or health visitor.

Original poster

MsHopey · 03/09/2019 10:36

I'm messaging because I don't want to be forgotten about. Because I'm excited and want to know when it will be. Because I'm a bit anxious and a control freak and knowing plans make me feel better about things.
While it might seem silly to someone, it's just the way I feel, but I also know that's not her problem, so I'm going to try and calm down.
Though I do think it's pretty standard to get the date when the deposit is handed in.
I'm also a bit uncomfortable with the not getting back to me by her own deadline.
If she said "I'll be in touch within a week" I wouldnt have messaged so many time, it still would have bothered me but I'd understand. It's the lack of communication after then times shes has said she will definitely contact me by which is a bit crap.

I think if you are in a job and tell a client that you'll get back to then before the end of the day, most people would expect that.
I havent pulled some arbitrary date out my head regarding the communication deadlines.

OP posts:

Original poster

MsHopey · 03/09/2019 10:43

Unfortunately this is my personality. I've got anxiety but didn't like the medication and I don't leave the house much. I've been like it for many years before having children.
I've admitted that I am unreasonable and I am trying to change my behaviour regarding the situation.
Easier said than done but that's why I asked.

OP posts:

mumofbun · 03/09/2019 11:10

@MsHopey I totally understand how you're feeling. Seems like you have a good plan to wait for a bit and then chase.

A lot of people seem to think you've paid the deposit for nothing but have you not paid the deposit to secure the design - personally i wouldn't have paid until i also had an appointment lined up but if you really want the design sometimes it's worth doing that. Everyone saying they would never pay a deposit without a set date, has no one ever bought a car, paid deposit and then had an estimated date? Or maybe some work on the house and have a rough idea of schedule but things get pushed back?

I think a lot of people are also being very rude about "creative types" not being very organised. If she is busy (and if she is good she will be) then she probably has multiple people to get back to. Finalising designs and times. Also tatooists can't easily stop what they are doing to go deal with an appointment - recently i was getting one done and as the guy was the only person in the shop he had to stop what he was doing to go deal with someone coming in. It was a right pain as he then had to clean himself up, get gloves on and restart. If she does this everytime she gets a message about an appointment then it would take forever.

Upanddownandroundagain · 03/09/2019 11:16

I agree with leaving it for a few days. Might be worth sending something along the lines of ‘sorry to have sent so many reminders this weekend, you must be busy, I’m just so excited about getting it done and feeling a little anxious because of leaving my baby for the first time’. Then leave it and see when she comes back to you.

I’d say your anxiety could be contributing to this a little - you’ve not long had a baby too. But you’re winding yourself up into believing she’s lied to you, when in fact she was probably just busy. Have you ever had CBT? It could help with that sort of thinking.

Nicknacky · 03/09/2019 11:20

Why are other people getting riled up on your behalf? I doubt I would have even told many folk about something so minor never mind them getting annoyed for me.

user1467618820 · 03/09/2019 11:24

You've done the right thing. Step back for a couple of days. You picked her for artistry not her admin skills.

KarmaStar · 03/09/2019 12:51

I think you are bu op,sorry.
It's a weekend,she's very busy and probably very tired and doesn't want to start messaging customers at midnight.
Take a step back and I'm sure she will get back to you in a reasonable time period.

Walkerbean16 · 06/09/2019 17:31

@MsHopey did you get your appointment?

countrygirl99 · 06/09/2019 17:37

If she is too busy to sort the appointment over the weekend she should have said she will get back to OP Monday or Tuesday. Making promises you aren't prepared to/ can't keep is unprofessional and would be a red flag for me.

Hopoindown31 · 06/09/2019 18:03

To be fair to the OP it is the tattoo artist that is consistently setting deadlines to get back to her and failing to meet those deadlines. This would piss me right off too. If she had said "I'll not be able to get back to you till Monday" you wouldn't have been bothered I'm sure.

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