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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to do something about his dad's snoring

68 replies

Howdidido · 03/09/2019 03:37

Posted earlier this weekend. DH was away at event with his dad and his mum had invited herself to stay with me. Not happy about it but I'd left it too long to really say anything about it so had (with MN sympathy) decided to suck it up. I'm 32 weeks pregnant.
FIL joined DH to journey back from event together and decided to stay an additional 2 nights. I went to work as usual yesterday and will be tomorrow. Except I've been awake since midnight listening to FIL snoring. He's on a different floor but the volume is amazing. After 2 hours I finally decide I'm getting nowhere and will read a book in bed to calm me down because im betting really pissed off.

DH woke really pissed off I'd woken him. When I said I'd been awake for ages he said "what I am meant to do about it?". I feel like he should do something about it. He feels like I should turn the light off and carry on trying to sleep.
I have a long commute. And a long day tomorrow. And it looks like I'm going to have to do it on less than 2 hours sleep. And I'm so pissed off that it's unlikely that I will be able to fall asleep just from exhaustion.
For background FIL (and MIL) and my relationship is fine but it's not close enough that I could say anything to him at 3am. He'd be mortified if he knew he was keeping me awake though.

OP posts:
adaline · 03/09/2019 06:15

Nudging your partner because they're snoring is a whole different ball game to going and waking up your parent!

I often nudge my husband to get him to roll over in the night but I would be mortified if he wanted to go and wake his dad for the same thing!

Earplugs or toilet paper in the ears for tonight and just try and get some sleep. Yes it's frustrating but you really can't go and wake a guest up in the middle of the night because they snore!

TheBrockmans · 03/09/2019 06:16

I personally would go to a different room as presumably dh also has work tomorrow. Having said that I don't think you would be unreasonable to encourage dh to talk to FIL and encourage him to be assessed for sleep apnea as it can be dangerous and is treatable. If the snoring is that loud and consistent then a trip to GP would be reasonable. If dh won't then maybe you should.

MrsElizabethShelby · 03/09/2019 06:17

Op if I were you I would call in sick today (but then pregnancy in general exhausted me so something like this would have pushed me right over the edge.)

DH can't do anything about FIL snoring.

You were mean to wake him by turning the light on.

Butchyrestingface · 03/09/2019 06:20

More than a bit unreasonable. Confused

amylou8 · 03/09/2019 06:41

Sympathies, I'm a hugely noise sensitive sleeper and wear ear plugs often, and this would drive me MAD....BUT there is nothing you can do tonight, or expect DH to do. Hopefully you've got back to sleep 💤. I would have taken a duvet and pillow and slept in the car.

clucky3 · 03/09/2019 07:06

Yes, you are incredibly UR to wake your dp when he's snoring. You sound like a selfish brat, frankly.

Clearly never shared a bed with a snorer. Mine gets a sharp nudge every single time.

OP I think you probably just need to buy earplugs today and stick it out for one more night. I feel your pain.

Original poster
Howdidido · 03/09/2019 07:09

Many good suggestions of how to work on snoring in the long run but nothing that would work at 3am.
I think if it were me would have gone to the door and said
"Dad can you roll over. Your snoring is keeping my extremely in pain due to give birth in 8 weeks wife us awake. Thanks"
That's all.
I don't get enough sleep because of SPD anyway and he knows that. I've had less than 3 hours and am on my 90min drive to work. I can't miss work because I've got a lot on to finish and because taking sick days triggers the start of my maternity leave.

Maybe I am a brat.

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 03/09/2019 07:20

Turning on the light and waking your dh up was childish and selfish, that's what my 15 year old does when he cant sleep!

It can be really annoying when a noise keeps you awake at night, and the more you concentrate on the noise and get pissed off with it the harder it is to sleep. It is unreasonable to expect your dh to go and wake his dad up.

Make sure you get some earplugs for tonight, they'll be gone tomorrow.

Morgan12 · 03/09/2019 07:33

I don't think you're a brat.

I'd have woken my DH too. Misery loves company.

Hopefully today isn't too bad. Could you maybe go home sick in a few hours?

palahvah · 03/09/2019 08:37

Yabu. Snoring is incredibly frustrating but there's nothing the snorer can do there and then.

And if your DH has just been away with his dad for a night or two he will know full well about the snoring so will have had even less sleep than you.

DannyWallace · 03/09/2019 08:41

I don't think you're being a brat. I think you're exhausted, heavily pregnant and uncomfortable. Of course you want a half decent nights sleep. YANBU to be annoyed.

However, YABU to expect DH to do something about his dads snoring. Even if he rolled over he'd probably just roll back and start again in a few minutes.

I hope your commute is ok Thanks

amicissimma · 03/09/2019 08:46

Please, please, please can anyone who has found earplugs that cut out snoring post a link to them, or tell me where you got them?

I've tried foam ones, wax ones, 'noise cancelling' ones, industrial ones, personally fitted ones, Connevans' entire range, cotton wool, loo paper, everything I can find and nothing cuts out the racket DH makes.

I wear sleepphones with white noise but it means that my nights are spent in a world of hissing; I'd much rather just use ear plugs.

MRex · 03/09/2019 08:46

Most mums have been pregnant you know, including being very heavily pregnant, it doesn't give you a pass for any and all behaviour. You were being unreasonable, accept that with a little more grace and buy some earplugs.

amicissimma · 03/09/2019 08:48

Apologies for the highjack, OP. I really sympathise and, honestly, I recommend a hotel for either yourself or them for tonight.

It gets worse the more you worry about not getting any sleep - you'll get tenser and tenser and never drop off.

Original poster
Howdidido · 03/09/2019 08:48

DH sleeps through everything. I'm surprised he woke up when the lamp went on.

I get it. I was unreasonable to ask DH to do anything.
I just know if it was my dad then I would have asked him to roll over. I just needed a shirt while of quiet to hopefully fall asleep again.

I'm just so tired anyway. 3 hours sleep is barely enough to function.

OP posts:
x2boys · 03/09/2019 08:49

I'm not sure what you expect him to do? I snore Dh snores we keep each other awake ,neither of us can help it.

Original poster
Howdidido · 03/09/2019 08:51

Surely booking a hotel is as rude as asking them to roll over? Knowing FIL he would be so offended if I booked a hotel. And I couldn't ask them to- and I doubt DH would ask them

OP posts:
user1493494961 · 03/09/2019 08:58

Ear plugs.

averythinline · 03/09/2019 09:00

theres nothing you can do now ... however you can say that they will have to stay in a hotel next time...and if any of tehm say anything just state FIL snoring is too loud to stay as keeps you awake.... that is a fact- DH heard him as well ...that is not a normal volumme... youare having a baby you are going to need all the sleep you can get....
(he may want to go to the doctor as it can be a health issue)

you are turning into a bit of a martyr about all this - (read the previous thread as well) - you didnt say anything about the trip/staying over etc etc
why are you not honest with your DH ? are you scared of him? ... he may just be selfish/thoughtless and not respect you very much (you are way down his priority order based on these threads....)

but you are about to be a parent and need to be able to stick up for your needs .......maybe look up some assertiveness techniques if you struggle with saying what they are......

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 03/09/2019 09:03

YABU but I remember absolute and utter rage when something similar happened to me when I was pregnant so you have my complete and utter sympathy.

NoSquirrels · 03/09/2019 09:06

You have a 90 minute driving commute? One way, or both ways? If you are driving an hour and a half on 3 hours sleep that is not good.

Can you have "an unexpectedly early morning meeting tomorrow a.m. that can't be missed and so work have offered the chance for me to stay over in a hotel as I'm pregnant and they want to minimise my stress"??

I bloody would.

I sympathise a lot. Snoring you can do nothing about in the middle of the night makes me feel murderous.

Also, OP, if this is your first baby then please don't push yourself too hard at work. If you need to go off work sooner, then do it.

AmIThough · 03/09/2019 09:13

Was it you who bought your husband tickets to an event and he chose to take his dad instead?

Weren't your PIL already staying for an extra few days before?

Are you more irritated than you would've been because you're still a bit pissed off about it?

Yes it's shit but waking DH up was unreasonable.
Think about poor MIL - she's had two peaceful nights now has to put up with him again!

DH should mention it today though so they can be more conscious of it. FIL should make an effort to sleep on his side.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 03/09/2019 10:49

Why doesn't he tell them to go home!!

AryaStarkWolf · 03/09/2019 10:59

Yeah sorry OP YABU to expect him to do something and also YWBU to wake your DH just because you were awake, that's kind of selfish

ELM8 · 03/09/2019 11:37

We have the same when FIL stays over.. I'm also pregnant and DREADING him coming in a couple of weekends time. Tempted as I am to wake up DH when it's keeping me up you AB a bit U I'm afraid. I don't think moving FIL at 3am would help and if you're anything like me you would just be listening out for him to start again.

Tonight's tactics:

  • accept you're not going to get an amazing sleep (should hopefully help with frustration if you're sort of expecting it) and remember it's only one more night. It won't be pleasant but you'll get used to it
  • ear plugs
  • try and get a head start by going to bed earlier than everyone else (this is where DH can help you out by staying up with them or something)

Good luck, it is the WORST!!!