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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is there any benefit to sending DC(3) to nursery?

35 replies

Temphelp · 02/09/2019 20:00

My child (summer born) just turned 3 and has a place at the local nursery/primary school. I also have a 2 year old and am pregnant with my (final) child, due in Dec.

Up til now, sending DC3 to nursery seemed like a natural transition. It will only be for 3 hours a day, 5 days a week and it’s not going to cost a penny.

My DH suddenly seems to have reservations about sending DC to nursery “so young” and although he hasn’t been explicitly vocal, I get the feeling that he thinks we should keep DC “at home” until Year 1. DH works full time but I’m a SAHM so handle the kids most of the day, but DH is hands-on when he’s at home so he does pull his weight and takes responsibility for his kids too!

I don’t know... should I send DC to nursery? Should I wait a year or two? Technically, DC only just turned 3 so may be “behind” their classmates (which is fine by me). Is there a benefit to sending DC to nursery or should I just give them similar activities to indulge in at home?

I do already try to give them lots to do at home but there’s only so much I can do in a 2 bed flat with minimum space.

OP posts:

aibutohavethisusername · 02/09/2019 20:08

I think it is good for little ones to socialise with their peers as well as siblings.

Shadowboy · 02/09/2019 20:10

At three they learn so many social cues, I think nursery for a few hours a day would be a fantastic opportunity to develop social skills and also give you more time with the baby. It also help transition to school when they have had time in groups with other ‘strange’ children and to get used to school style routines.

Leeds2 · 02/09/2019 20:12

My DD used to enjoy it, so that was good enough reason for me!

dementedpixie · 02/09/2019 20:12

It's the ideal age for them to go. They learn to socialise, take turns, become a bit more independent, etc. Both mine went when they got their free hours at age 3

PumpkinP · 02/09/2019 20:12

None of my 4 went to nursery. It is unusual though as people are always surprised that mine didn’t/aren’t in nursery. I find people just assume you will send them.

LouiseEH · 02/09/2019 20:14

My DS has thrived at his nursery and is now about to start reception. He is so much more confident and I put it all down to being at nursery.

BendingSpoons · 02/09/2019 20:16

DD aged 3.5 is about to start school nursery. She hasn't been to nursery before. I think it will be really good for her and also for pur relationship. By having time apart we (I) will value the time together more. She will make more friends. She has friends but not ones she sees each day. She will have the opportunity to do things without us but also have lots of time at home too. I would have sent her when she turned 3 if there were places.

Shmithecat2 · 02/09/2019 20:16

I'm a SAHM to one dc (ds), and he's been going to preschool 5 days a week, 5 hours a day since he was 2.11y. He absolutely loves it and so do I - he's socialising, learning to listen, learning through play, making some really lovely friends etc and it the routine is good for him. In your position, I can't see anything but positives in sending dc3 to nursery!

AutumnGlitterBall · 02/09/2019 20:16

My DS is three this week and is due to start nursery with his free hours next month. We’re in Scotland so he would have two years of nursery at 30 hrs a week before starting school but I did hesitate before applying for the place in February as I just thought he seemed so young. Now, though, I think he’s ready for it. I watch him playing with his friends in the street and I can see he needs that extra stimulation that I can’t give him playing in the house or taking him to Tesco and the park. Does he have to go every day? I’m only putting DS in three days 9-3 as I do still want to be able to take him swimming or out with grandparents because he enjoys that.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/09/2019 20:17

It's fun (for most)
Different opportunities to at home
Making friends

Biggest downside... It dictates all your daily plans. I only sent eldest 3 days. Younger DD did 5 days since her sister was at school anyway.

MarigoldGlove · 02/09/2019 20:17

There is a huge difference between sending a just turned three year old to nursery and not sending them to school at all until year one.

starpatch · 02/09/2019 20:17

2-3 mornings at a play group worked well for my son at that age rather than the full 15 hours. But if that isn't an option I would go for the 15 hours. Remember you have the right to send DC part-time in reception. School may tell you otherwise but it is your right.

justasking111 · 02/09/2019 20:18

It is only three hours a day. It is free. It gives the oldest a break from an annoying two year old. I would tell DH to take a hike. It also gets, colds, viruses out of the way and builds up immunity. You are pregnant again for gods sake. Three children at home 24/7 is such hard work. I help DD out and can vouch for that. A cinema trip at the weekend left me prone

RainbowJumpers · 02/09/2019 20:19

Until year 1? So miss reception year at school as well?

I also have a summer born. DS was only just 4 when he started school but thrived and loves it. He went to nursery and I liked that he had friends when he started school. Mine loved their nursery, they did lots of fun activities, made friends and learnt loads. It also meant school wasn’t a shock. I was really sad when they left.

Number3or4 · 02/09/2019 20:24

Observer you child and then make an assumption based on his personality. Ds1 loves meeting new people and is a true extrovert, so sending him to nursery was a no brainer for me. My youngest I have reservation as he don't particularly like other children and is used to my home routine. He is August born so is due to start reception next year. I see part time nursery as a stepping stone for both of us. It will be hard, but I'm hoping the shock next year will be less. He is very attached to me, who knows I might decide to pull him out at half term, if it get emotionally to hard. He can try it again in the summer term (if we get space).

ExplodingCarrots · 02/09/2019 20:24

My DD starts year 1 on Wednesday . She is turning 6 in the next couple of days so is oldest in the year. But she's been in nursery since she turned 3 and I can't imagine her only starting her school life now. She's done so much, learnt so much and made loads of friends. She's an only child so having her in nursery from 3 has helped her loads socially. In nursery/ reception is when they start laying the ground work for reading , writing and maths. Having them couple of hours will do you and him the world of good.

Jesse70 · 02/09/2019 20:27

I worry about this my kid is 27 months and although their speech is brilliant I just worry about people hurting them and I'm not talking about other kids
I will be waiting until I'm happy that they will be safe
I know people say won't happen but it could and I'm not in a position where I have to send them yet
However my niece who's speech was terrible has come on leaps and bounds since starting nursing

CheerfulMuddler · 02/09/2019 20:40

"For provision for three years onwards the evidence is consistent that pre-school provision is beneficial to educational and social development for the whole population. The effects are greater for high quality provision. In England and Northern Ireland the evidence indicates that part-time provision produces equivalent effects to full-time provision and that the more
months of provision from 2 years of age onwards the stronger the improvement. In England the types of provision with the most positive effects are integrated centres and nursery schools, and the least effective are Local Authority (Social Services) day nurseries.
...
With regard to provision for three years onwards disadvantaged children benefit particularly from high quality pre-school provision. Also children benefit more in socially mixed groups rather than in homogeneously disadvantaged groups. Some interventions have shown improvements in cognitive development, but in relatively few cases have these persisted throughout children’s school careers. However early childhood interventions do boost children’s confidence and social skills, which provides a better foundation for success at
school (and subsequently in the workplace). Reviews of the research infer that it is the social skills and improved motivation that lead to lower levels of special education and school failure and higher educational achievement in children exposed to early childhood development programmes. Studies into adulthood indicate that this educational success is followed by increased success in employment, social integration and sometimes reduced criminality. There is also an indication of improved outcomes for mothers. The improvements appear to occur for those problems that are endemic for the particular disadvantaged group."

From Literature Review of the Impact of Early Years Childcare from the National Audit Office. (Google it if you're interested).

So, yes. Nursery is great. Your kid doesn't have to go five days a week if you don't want them to. And your two younger children will benefit from having a bit more of your time and attention.

Benes · 02/09/2019 20:44

It's easy for him to say that when he doesn't have to do the day to day childcare. What are his specific concerns?

Children can benefit hugely from high quality childcare. Also, as it's not compulsory you don't have to send them every day. Nothing wrong with giving it a go.

LateMumma · 02/09/2019 20:44

Could you consider starting at just a couple of days per week, rather than the full 5? For mine, the integration and school prep was invaluable, plus they got to know so many of their classmates that it eased their transition.

Notagreatstart1234 · 02/09/2019 20:52

Go for it. It's all very well for your DH to suggest that you should have three under 4s at home without a break when he's not the one dealing with them! It's not going to ruin your child's life if they don't go, but most of the kids I know loved it.

Nonnymum · 02/09/2019 21:04

At three I think children can get a lot out of nursery. They meet other people and begin to learn independence. Maybe he could begin by only going for 2or 3 mornings then build up to 5 if you're not sure. I'd he is ready for 5 yet

BarryTheKestrel · 02/09/2019 21:09

My April born DD flourished when she started nursery at 3. I wasn't going to send her because I had no need, then I fell pregnant and was incapacitated for most of my pregnancy, that respite was needed for me and she loved it. She's starting school this week and is socially a lot more developed than her cousin (march born same year) who didn't go to nursery at all.

EmperorBallpitine · 02/09/2019 21:14

My children always had a great time at nursery and I think it helps them transition to school by being used to other adults and children. You will have your hands full at home and also it will act as a respite in the day for both of you! I have three kids all now school age, I had them all in childminders, then nursery for a few days a week even when I wasn't working. I could get some one on one time with each of them then, and valuable head space. Having three children under 5 is horribly claustrophobic if neither you or they have any break from each other.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/09/2019 21:20

My DS started when he was 2 (15 hours a week) and it was brilliant for him. I think it prepared him so well for the start of full time school which I think can be a big shock for a child if they have never been to nursery beforehand.

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