..to ask what your SAHM routine is

[from123toabc]

Hi all,

My partner and I are currently discussing the details of deciding to have a second child.
He is of the opinion that having one parent at home until the child is at school is beneficial for the whole family as it is so hard balancing work and parenthood. We are looking at me taking the first 18-24 months off and him the following 2 years.

At the moment he is the breadwinner but due to my choice of career I have the opportunity to far out-earn him. We can more than comfortably live off his salary and I plan to save as much as possible before a baby arrives to have a very healthy emergency fund/savings.

We will be married before TTC if that makes any difference, I know MN is hot on women not being 100% financially reliant.

So as not to drip feed, I have a 10 year old from a previous relationship who I raised on my own from the age of 1 until I met my partner 4 1/2 years ago. I went back to work full time when after maternity leave as I became a single mum around the same time. I therefore have only experienced juggling working full time and raising a child.

Anyway I digress.
I do love my career, I have worked hard for it and I like keeping busy.
I worry that being a SAHM will be too little routine and drive me a little crazy. How do you SAHM set your week out so the busy days of nappies and naps don't roll into one.
Do you have set calesses or hobbies or nail a housekeeping routine. Give me your secrets to being a super mum please

Everyone I know who relies on their job for the mental challenge/stimulation has struggled massively if becoming a SAHP. I found just regular maternity leave a total slog and was so relieved to get back to work afterwards to take me away from the constant mundanity of housework and entertaining small children. My mind went to mush.*

This. Over the last 10 years I have done 2 years FT, 3 as a SAHM, and 5 working PT. part time work is by far the best for me and my family. I'm currently full time but the kids are older now and I still wish I could drop a day. With young ones I worked 2, 3 and 4 days over those 5 years and 3 days was absolutely perfect. I really needed it to have something for myself, and the children loved nursery. I didn't need to work for the money, I chose to do it when I had a 1 and 3 year old as I felt like I was losing my mind. I hated being a SAHM and wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It has taken until the last 18m for my earnings to recover to my pre-children level, and that's with a supportive DH who does his fair share share of the school runs etc. In your situation I would consider working part time and see how that goes first. It's a lot easier to give up if it doesn't suit than to go back if you don't like being a SAHM

Surely choosing to be a SAHP is something to do with spending time with LO’s - how beneficial is dragging your child round Sainsbury’s or the same park 3 times a week with only one child development focused group. I don’t know, I’m not convinced.

I don’t agree. I sah (mostly - I work during naps). DD (2 soon) is by all accounts doing very well and our routine is similar to what you’ve written. But on our (many) walks to Sainsbury’s we talk about the colours of the cars we see, and smell flowers, say hello to the neighbours, pick up and crunch leaves... today she identified ivy and a camelia - at 23 months. She absolutely gets as much out of these outings as out of our structured classes. (And the same in the supermarket - we talk about what we see, need to buy, what different foods are for, what’s hot/cold/tasty...) I don’t want her days to be all activity, go go go - going to the supermarket and the park is the ordinary stuff of life, and I’m not going to provide non-stop entertainment.

I'm basically a SAHM and rubbish at it. My home should be organised and sparkling. It isn't. I'm only really good if we have to go somewhere. I should have plenty of time to pursue some hobbies. I don't. I should incinerate my phone.

I'm not a SAHM but I'm on maternity leave with my second DC. It's very different (much less enjoyable) with the second DC! My first maternity leave was full of classes for the baby and coffee dates with friends with babies.

My elder DC is starting nursery school this week. Our routine will be something along the lines of:

7-7:30: I get up, showered and dressed
7:30-8: I get elder DC up, dressed
8-8:30: downstairs for breakfast, get teeth brushed
8:40: leave for nursery school

The baby will just fit into this routine, as he has had to since he was born! Poor second DC.

I'll be back at home just after 9am and I'm going to try and take DC2 to a class once a week, but as I have to collect DC1 at 11:30 my options are limited. Your routine will depend on how old your elder DC is. If they are in full time school at least you can maximise the time with your baby and go to lots of classes/meet any friends on mat leave.

Our afternoons will then consist of lunch, and most days an activity for my elder DC eg park/softplay. I find it hard work keeping him entertained/stimulated when I also have a young baby to look after.

I personally couldn't be a SAHM and as much as I'm lucky to have a year off with my DC, I won't be sad to go back to work. I suffer with anxiety and find the drudgery of being with small children all the time difficult. There are some lovely enjoyable moments, but it doesn't suit me to do this too long term.

Sorry I realise your elder DC is 10 (I had read your post believe it or not, this is what two young children and maternity leave has done to my brain!).

So you will have the opportunity to enjoy your baby one on one. In that case a 2 year break might be nice (it will still be hard work!). I do think it's a shame that maternity leave tends to end as the baby starts to get more "fun", with crawling, talking, playing proper games, walking. I went back to work when DC1 was 10 months, he'd just started crawling. He was so lovely and fun from 1 until about 2.5 (when he became hard work!) and I do remember having a fleeting moment of wishing I was on a career break just when he'd turned two.

I would just make sure that you've planned your entry back into work so you're not running the risk of being unemployable.

I don't think some pp are reading the op's posts. She is going to get married, clearly has a 10 year plan and can return to work if things don't work out. Most women take 9-12 months or so mat leave so she's only taking an extra 6-12 months, I'm sure her brain will survive without 'turning to mush'.

I've been a SAHM for the last 5.5 years and it's been a very rewarding experience for me. I've had a loose routine (2 regular toddler groups)but I had 2 dc close together so it has always evolved and changed depending on their needs. I've really enjoyed the flexibility and freedom of being at home with the kids.

Surely choosing to be a SAHP is something to do with spending time with LO’s - how beneficial is dragging your child round Sainsbury’s or the same park 3 times a week with only one child development focused group. I don’t know, I’m not convinced.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 This proves the point.

Some people are not cut out to being a SAHP and don't know or see how these things can help development (although most of the SAHP on here have mentioned a lot more activities). So doing these things would seem pointless and mundane to some and to others they are great times to bond and learn throughout the day,

Going for walks and seeing nature, colours, numbers, different shapes, objects, talking about what you are doing, doing the shopping list together, ticking items off, spending money, counting all of these things help development in toddlers.

Different strokes for different folks.

She is going to get married, clearly has a 10 year plan

She's also ignoring the fact that most couples who agreed to this never "take turns" because the man always has a stronger case for working after 2 years.
I've seen this deal in 2 professional working power couples before. It always ends up with the man being unwilling or unable to take"his" 2 year break.