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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hasn’t showered

42 replies

Woarr · 01/09/2019 18:16

In 5 days

Thought I could smell something . With my pregnant nose .

He HAS been busy . helps me a
Lot .

But we’ve been out for coffee , he’s been going to the gym .

AIBU to feel really angry he won’t shower more often.

Even after I’ve told him he smells ( felt sick in the car with him ) he hasn’t showered yet !

And why do I feel so bad writing his down about someone so wonderful in every other way .

OP posts:
ElizaPancakes · 01/09/2019 18:21

Poor hygiene is not to be shrugged off. It’s vile, really unpleasant and disrespectful for your partner who you share a bed and intimate moments with in my opinion.

I think you need to take a hardline. Shower or go and stay elsewhere. Seriously not even in the spare bed if you have them, plus, have a shower and then change the bedding.

GinDaddy · 01/09/2019 18:31

DOnt feel bad about this. It is not a good thing and he needs to be encouraged to clean.

Do however look at whether there’s something else going on here (poor mental health etc) as can often be a sign

Raphael34 · 01/09/2019 18:37

That’s fuckin disgusting. I’d have locked my oh out of the house by now until he’s had a wash. He’s seriously not even showered after going to the gym?

Raphael34 · 01/09/2019 18:39

People will come along claiming he’s depressed. But if he’s managing to go to the gym every day, he can manage a 3 minute shower

Elieza · 01/09/2019 18:40

It’s not normal to not shower. His colleagues will be slagging him off soon. I’m at a loss for what to say or do though. It’s just bizarre. Especially if it’s new behaviour. Could it be that he thinks if he smells sweaty at the gym others will think he’s really working out? Coz that ain’t the case.....they should all know fresh sweat doesn’t smell for a while. Just unwashed sweat. I can smell beef and onion pie now. Yuk. Could he be allergic to a new brand of shower gel or something and won’t say just avoids the shower instead? Or have an injury he doesn’t want to tell you about but can’t get wet? Can’t think of any other reason, sorry, don’t know!

saffy1234 · 01/09/2019 18:40

My husband does this
Its disgusting and disrespectful

OrchidInTheSun · 01/09/2019 18:42

5 days and he's been going to the gym?! God that's grim

Tooner · 01/09/2019 18:44

Five days, dear God. He's got a serious problem OP. Has he always been like that. Does he shower before intimacy.....

Rainbowknickers · 01/09/2019 18:44

My daughters boyfriend and his girlfriend moved in with us for a few weeks (years ago) while they where between flats
He didn’t wash the whole 10 weeks they where living with us
It was the height of summer and he stank to high heaven
I tried to say something but it fell on deaf ears
Wasn’t til they moved out I found out about the nits-we all caught them
I went mental and had to boil wash everything
It’s the height of rudeness!

Original poster
Woarr · 01/09/2019 18:47

He has a high powered job ! I DONT get it !!!

Doesn’t happen all the time .

But yes it’s inconsiderate.

I haven’t gone bananas on him because he has been looking after us a lot .

But we watch at least an hours tv a night , watched a movie last night .

He HAS got time to shower !!

OP posts:
Original poster
Woarr · 01/09/2019 18:47

He’s not depressed .

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 01/09/2019 18:55

Tell him to shower now or he's sleeping elsewhere. He should be looking after you. Doesn't give him a pass to be a dick.

Apolloanddaphne · 01/09/2019 18:59

That is disgusting.

My DH went to the gym this morning and had a shower afterwards. He then did loads of gardening and had a bath this afternoon as he always dirty and sweaty. He smells lovely. This is normal.

FrameyMcFrame · 01/09/2019 19:01

@Rainbowknickers

Your daughter's boyfriend and his girlfriend?

Surely that's your daughter Confused

My ex was like this.... hideous.

Sorry

timshelthechoice · 01/09/2019 19:01

That's fucking disgusting! Can't abide this type of thing. He'd be sleeping elsewhere.

LittleLongDog · 01/09/2019 19:05

The thing is: it’s so out of order to you. You’re the one who has to sit there and be forced to smell him. It’s disgusting.

Show him this thread and let him know how thoughtless he’s being.

Rainbowknickers · 01/09/2019 19:14

Frameymcframe sorry I meant my daughters ex boyfriend and his girlfriend (they stayed mates)
Really sorry I wasn’t clear

FattyPeddledFuriously999 · 01/09/2019 19:15

My relative is like this but he has a head injury, it's awful.

sanmiguel · 01/09/2019 19:18

No excuse. He must feel grim! Either he doesn't actually go to the gym or he's just going to the gym and looking at the equipment as I, sweat from every pore and can't imagine not showering every day, never mind after I've been to the gym.

Ferretyone · 01/09/2019 19:22

Shower with him?

Grainedmonkey · 01/09/2019 19:43

I often have a moan about my DH's personal hygiene habits but even he would always have a shower at the gym. I don't get how anyone would leave the gym without showering , how odd?

Thornhill58 · 01/09/2019 20:04

No excuses I'll tell him to get a shower and to never do it again. 5 days is a long time. Grim indeed Confused

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 01/09/2019 20:33

My ex was great in a lot of ways, but once he came to stay with me...didn't shower or brush his teeth ONCE in a week...by the end I was cringing every time he came near me. It was the death knell for us, I couldn't get past it.

elasti · 01/09/2019 20:35

My ex H used to do this and it was one of the (many) reasons I eventually LTB.

He also used to wear underwear multiple days in a row.

Fucking repulsive and unacceptable.

EssexSexpot · 01/09/2019 20:42

Don't feel bad - poor hygiene is disrespectful. YANBU to be upset by it.

Is he well in himself? Not showering can be a sign of depression. Is he still cleaning his teeth and washing his clothes etc? Is this a new issue?

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