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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy presents???

53 replies

FeelUselesss · 31/08/2019 21:31

Me and my husband have had the conversation that we are not going to do Christmas presents or birthday presents for our son (who's going to be 1 in January), as we don't really see the point as he is too little.. we are just going to add money into his account we set up for him for later in life (if he wants a laptop for uni, a house deposit etc)
We explained to people we'd rather people give money for him for later in life than give presents which some have respected.
However, a lot of family have kicked off at us and told us we are being self centred and he needs something to open! Are we being unreasonable and cruel?

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 31/08/2019 21:33

This reply has been deleted

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CodenameVillanelle · 31/08/2019 21:35

You can do what you like yourselves but it's a bit joyless to tell other people not to buy him gifts.

elvis86 · 31/08/2019 21:38

You can do what you like yourselves but it's a bit joyless to tell other people not to buy him gifts.

Agree.

None of us will go mad for my sister's baby who's due in November, but if there were literally no presents under the tree with baby's name on, that would seem weird I think.

Appreciate they'll be more for the adults' benefit, but still!

Atlasta · 31/08/2019 21:41

It's not about what you would rather people do. If people want to give gifts then whatever they want to give you gratefully accept. You can't really dictate.
I'm always happy someone has thought of my DC and chosen a gift they believe my child would enjoy/use. Shows thought.

Has2sons · 31/08/2019 21:42

YANBU. DS will have no idea it is his birthday. Tbh he will probably be more interested in the paper and boxes! For the first couple of years we put money in our DSs accounts and gave them a few bits wrapped in shiny paper. We suggested our DP and DSis did same - small pressies and £ in account. Family were fine with that. They are now teens and have accounts with money for driving lessons and uni. They had plenty of toys as babies. You're not cruel. Sensible imo.

LegallyBritish · 31/08/2019 21:42

There are toys for 1 year olds that they do enjoy. I can see why you'd want to save money for him, but I think a simple toy and saving money can both be accomplished.

Alb1 · 31/08/2019 21:43

It’s not cruel, and saving is sensible. But I think a few small gifts would still be nice. I have pictures of my first birthday party and the blow up car thing I got, think it’d be a little rubbish if your kid asks when older ‘what did I get for my first birthday’ and you didn’t bother. Nothing wrong with enjoying the moment with your baby, they will only have their first birthday once. If your doing a party or something instead to celebrate it then I’d probably be less likely to buy a gift though

Malvinaa81 · 31/08/2019 21:44

Presents for a one year old to "open"?

Absurd.

Ignore all these sanctimonious voices, and carry on as you planned.

If people insist on giving a present accept it with minimum grace, and put it aside, if when you open it it's something useful, then OK; if not throw it away.

Has2sons · 31/08/2019 21:46

One year we went to PIL for Christmas and didn't take DS presents from us. He got fed up opening presents on Christmas Day (wanted to play with toys) so we ended up bringing some home. We opened a gift every now and again. Christmas lasted ages that year Smile

NChangingAgain · 31/08/2019 21:47

You are being entirely sensible! Stick to your guns. You will probably still get ignored by some but you are still right in your thinking.

BackforGood · 31/08/2019 21:47

How funny, I've just suggested the same on another thread (this was for a 'toddler' Grin

You are being very sensible. At one, they will have no idea whatsoever. Even at 2,3, and 4, the bigger money is worth saving and they can have something to open that will capture their interest 'in the moment' but needn't cost much at all.

There will be some that 'get it' and some that don't agree - that is up to them. You can't dictate what presents people give, just what you'd prefer. There's always some that think they know better.

EmmiJay · 31/08/2019 21:49

Three little bangy toys for about £20 won't hurt. Put the rest in his account. Let the family buy him gifts. Hide them away or put them in rotation throughout the next year. Just a suggestion really.

Napqueen1234 · 31/08/2019 21:50

We use Christmas and birthdays to get DC toys/clothes/stuff they need and just wrap it (new coat/shoes, new books etc) don’t have to spend a fortune but it’s nice to mark the occasion and children do need toys and things! I think it’s a bit rude asking for money instead of presents- people may be able to pick up toys v cheaply but would feel they’d need to give you a larger amount than they would spend in cash.

Candymay · 31/08/2019 21:51

I don’t think people are being sanctimonious at all. In my opinion you can do what ever you wish regarding saving for your child’s future but I think it’s wrong to ask others to contribute in this way.

A gift should be given freely and not be an amount of money for use in the future unless that’s what the giver wants to do.

If I was asked for money for a savings account rather than buy a gift for a baby or child I would not give anything. Just a card instead. It reminds me too much of wedding gift lists and so on. Just too grabby and entitled.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2019 21:54

You can’t dictate what others give your ds as a present as you are de facto telling them how to spend their money. Their money, their choice. You are choosing not to buy presents, also your choice. Don’t try to control what others do / don’t buy.

Candymay · 31/08/2019 21:56

@Malvinaa81
How incredibly rude and ungrateful you sound. ‘Accept with minimal grace...’.

Tink88 · 31/08/2019 21:57

You save all you want but you can't expect other people to. They will want to see their presents being used now even if it brings 5 minutes of smiles not in 20 years for a uni laptop

Howlovely · 31/08/2019 21:58

My nearly one year loves tearing paper so to be honest your baby will probably just enjoy that! We have picked up some very cheap things that our baby loves though (e.g., flashing ball from wilkos) so a couple of exciting things like that might be nice. I don't think you can tell people not to buy presents though I'm afraid. That doesn't come across well.

Sorrysorrysosorry · 31/08/2019 21:59

You can do what you like yourselves but it's a bit joyless to tell other people not to buy him gifts

With bells on.

raspberryk · 31/08/2019 22:01

I did this, I am also not getting DS (8) anything this year for his birthday as he has so many things, but we are taking him to legoland.

PapaShango · 31/08/2019 22:06

raspberryk

Now that’s mean. A day out in Legoland’s fine, but he’s 8. He should have at least a little present from his parents to open on his birthday.

gilliansgardenbench · 31/08/2019 22:07

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Sindragosan · 31/08/2019 22:10

You can't really stop others buying, but at 1, family mostly bought clothes in the next size up, so you could encourage that if appropriate? Still gives something to unwrap and a couple of small toys wouldn't do any harm if you do get some.

Have a think about what might be useful between 1 and 2, they go through toys quite quickly when they're little, but some things like toy kitchens etc can last for years as how they play with it develops as they get bigger.

Dippypippy1980 · 31/08/2019 22:10

Unless I specifically ask for ides, I dislike being told what to give as presents.

Buying a grandchild it’s first birthday present is a big deal to a lot of grandparents. Being told to give cash instead takes the joy out of it.

You can do what you want, and saving the cash does seem sensible. But it feels wrong to tell granny she can’t buy that ride on toy she has being eyeing up, but you’d like a cash equivalent instead.

It’s your responsibility to save for your child’s future, others get a choice in how they mark birthdays and Christmas.

KUGA · 31/08/2019 22:12

Up to the age of four I agree.
But surely you don`t want him to think all his pals are having gifts and he doesn't have any ?.
Weird tbh.

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