Dinner party limbo

[EssexSexpot]

I had plans to have a friend round for dinner tonight. She just texted saying she thinks she's coming down with a migraine and might not make it. I texted back sympathy and said I hoped she felt better soon and we could pick a new date when she's better.

She then replied saying 'I might feel better later so I will just text you this afternoon if I'm still coming.'

AIBU or is this a pain? If I don't know whether she's coming or not I still have to sort the house and buy in the food in case she does. That will be wasted if she then doesn't turn up. If I just wait to hear from her it will be a mad flap if she decides she does want to come anyway.

WIBU to text back and say it's better just to cancel and find a better date? How do I word that in a way that doesn't make it sound like I'm just cancelling to be passive aggressive?

Text her and say ok no problem in that case I won't put on a big spread, but if you feel well enough later to come over we can order in something nice from my favourite local place [Tasty Gourmet Pizzas]!

I agree it's annoying to be left in limbo, but if it were me, i would not go to any undue effort to tidy the house, my friends take me as they find me, and I'd cook something that i could eat half of and then freeze the rest (lasagne/spag bol).
Had you planned for it to be more formal and dinner partyish?

I agree with pp, unless you'd like to arrange to go out if she doesn't come?

How much effort can cooking for one friend require? It’s not like you have 10 people who may or may not come.

I'm generally a bit OTT about dinner parties because I like the l excuse to be fancy - but I like the suggestion of it just being low key if she can make it and no biggie if she can't.

Text her saying to let you know by about 1 so you can get food in. Give your house a clean anyway.

I'm generally a bit OTT about dinner parties because I like the l excuse to be fancy - but I like the suggestion of it just being low key if she can make it and no biggie if she can't

Going ott and being fancy for one guest does put quite a bit of pressure on that one person (unless you're absolutely sure she loves it as much as you?) how about suggesting that if she can make it you can chill out with a takeaway and a film? She might be tempted by a more relaxed evening if she's under the weather.

If it's only one person coming round then it is not a dinner party.

Just do as suggested above- if she can make it, grab a takeaway.

It's also her DH and my DH so 4 in total - sorry if that's a drip feed! I'm fairly sure from unprompted things she's said that she enjoys dinners at mine but I'll be careful about it not being too pressured

If it were me I'd tidy the house anyway because to be honest, it doesn't get done til someone's about to visit cos I'm a total slob but I also love a clean tidy house.
As for dinner, tell your friend that you'll do takeaway tonight and leave the proper dinner until next time.

Ah ok, with other halves it makes more sense. I would cook as if it’s going ahead but make something you and DH could have as leftovers another time if only half gets eaten tonight.

I'd cancel tonight and re-arrange.

Sometimes I like to faff and try out more elaborate recipes if we have guests. I'd hate the limbo. If I really fancied company I might say we'll be ordering in if you fancy that instead.

I agree with previous posters, order in. Tidy up just Incase and if they don’t come at least you have a clean house

Your friend is ill mannered. She must know that her dithering will cause problems for you. If she had a migraine, she should have decided there and then whether she could make it then told you. None of this, I might make it if I feel like it nonsense.

Could you not cook something like a beef bourguignon, fresh bread and get a cheese board. That way if she doesn’t come you and DP can have a lovely dinner tonight and freeze leftovers for another time?

Definitely cancel.
Does she think money grows on trees.
And your time preparing a meal for her to not show.
Not much of a friend tbh.

Make something that you can freeze. If she's a no show, you can freeze her and her DH's portions of the meal.

Cancel it.
Her dithering is not fair on you.

That's rude of her

As much as this is annoying, I'm surprised if it's tonight you've not bought the food yet, and tidying your house is never a waste?

I'd say, "don't worry about tonight. We 'll rearrange for next time. I'm going to pop into my mum's later anyway".

That's hardly a dinner party, it's a couple coming around for a meal. I'd cancel so you know where you are.

Just text and say dh and I are just going to have a quiet one now so we could arrange for another time? Hope you feel better soon.

I sympathise with MarySibleysFamiliar - I like the end result when I blitz the house, but sometimes it takes the spur of impending visitors to galvanize me into action; I believe Katherine Whitehorne wrote something along those lines, arranging dinner parties to shame herself into housewifery.
Arrange a lovely meal which can be frozen, and then take either outcome as a bonus: either you get to see your friends, or you have a sparkling house and half of something delicious which you prepared for four people stashed in the freezer for a day when you and DH need cheering up.
In my experience, casseroles and curries which have been frozen and later reheated, actually improve in flavour!