Getting married in later life AIBU

[madcatladyforever]

Wouldn't you have to be insane to get married again in later life when you have your own home, a decent pension and a good job.
Why do people do it? Some ridiculous romantic ideal?
You may as well give half of everything you own away and have a miserable retirement if it isn't a success.
Why on earth do people do it? AIBU

I agree with the OP too- split up from my H of 20 years 4 years ago and have no intention of ever marrying or living with anyone ever again! Fortunately my boyfriend of 2 years agrees- maybe in ten years time when my young adult children have their own homes and families I may change my mind but for now I want to be solely in charge of my financial decisions.

My ex however is remarrying next month- 2 days before what would have been our silver wedding anniversary 😕.

Totally agree. I will never marry again. I would like a partner and would consider possibly living together but I’m well off and quite selfish and quite frankly have no interest in sharing my home, my kids and my money with anyone else

Why are so many Posters assuming that any new partner/husband is going to be the main money-grabbing leech in the scenario?
Would people really sacrifice their own happiness and having company in later years? Especially in order to leave heaps of money to children who would rarely if ever supply constant company 24/7.
I get that you could visit and stay over at each other's house and go on holidays together rather than marry a new man but would the adult children give up their lifestyle in any way to devote themselves to their parent I speak as a person who has been divorced. I am currently seeing a man who is in a different financial position to me but could be financially my equal. I dont know how to calculate the differences. If I need some help in any way he is there my adult children are rarely helpful, they can be unpleasant and they expect babysitting and money on demand. I know which "side" is better for me.
There are some decent men out there. There are also some right grabby adult children out there too. It is a question of weighing things up before making a decision.

It's not just 'money grabbing' per se StillMe1, it's having total control over one's finances and not having to consult/consider anyone else's wishes as far as where and how one spends one's money. Or what one does with one's house. If I want to paint it purple, I don't want someone telling me 'no, we aren't doing that'.

But of course, everyone has to consider their circumstances. DH and I (in our 60s) can always count on our grown sons for 'help around the house' if we need it and I know I'd be able to continue to do so. And they aren't 'unpleasant' nor do they 'demand money'. Yours don't appear to be very nice to you, so of course you'd be more inclined to want a husband who WILL help you.

Although my cousin's children don't help her out as much as I think they should when she needs it and her bf is Jonny-on-the-Spot, she still doesn't want to marry or live with him. She likes her financial independence and personal freedom.

@AcrossthePond55 I have had a money-grabbing husband whom I divorced after a couple of years so I am not looking at this without a knowledgable background.
Where I am children do have legal rights to a parent's money after their death whether or not one has a husband. I am aware of this and intend to deal with that situation as best I can.
I have control of all my financial matters as does my partner of his finances. We are not fools where money is concerned.

What causes concern is the demand for money from me by my children as a result of their circumstances. The nastiness they display is why I do not feel inclined to give any more money to my children while alive and limit the amount of money after my death.
It has happened in my family for generations that the kinder relatives are more likely to inherit than the nasty ones. I agree with this concept but I will not break any laws.
I trust my partner where money is concerned which is more than can be said for my children. I am amazed by the kindness and manners by which he and his family treat me. I like the kindness and affection I receive from my partner far more than the nastiness of my children. My children are adults and if they chose to treat me nastily they can not expect much kindness from me.
I may not be financially poor but it was affection poor. No matter the change now, I still can not get over the truly inhumane way my children treated me at a certain time.

I know of someone who married for the first time on Saturday, She’s late 50s and her dh is 60.
I wish her every happiness & admire her faith but I don’t think I could do the same. I have too much to lose.

Of course the fact that the last boyfriend tried to sell my garden against my wishes, the one before that kept asking me to give him money for a car, a boat etc, and the one before that tried to move in without being asked doesn’t help Some men are very......odd !

My father remarried after my mother passed away. He married an old school friend, they were very happy, she didn't particularly want to get married but he dragged up the aisle so she would benefit from his wok pension when he died. The pension would have died with him. They were married 5 years and she is still alive, 18 years later - and getting 30K a year (at least).

That would have died with him. Shrewd move on his part.

I was divorced following a horrible marriage, as was my dp.
I had my own home with no mortgage but was cash poor, working for a soso wage and facing retirement with no personal pension.
Dp was high earner and had own home and high pension to look forward to.
We'd been together 8 years when we got married in mid 50s.I
When I retired it was on state pension only.
My then dh upon our marriage put my name on his house deeds. When I retired he unexpectedly set up a dd giving me a monthly payment equal to half my state pension boosting it greatly.
He pays all bills and I buy groceries and small stuff like cushions.. He buys bigger stuff.
We have accounts of our own but main investments are joint.
We have a joint account which he keeps topped up but mainly I use for family gifts and house stuff and our holidays.
Last year when changing his car he felt it was time my 10 year old car was changed and he covered the £6k cost to change.

We've been married 15 happy years and together 23 years.
If I had remained single I would have had a retirement on benefits.
He gained a wife who loves him.
I gained a dh who loves me and security.

Should it ever arise that we parted I'd be better off than if I had remained single.
We consider each other.

DH's uncle and his GF got together in their 60s. She is divorced, he had a long-term partner. As per her divorce settlement she gets part of her ex-husband's pension unless she remarries. Her ex is very difficult so not only is she not married to DH's uncle, they don't even live together because she is very afraid of losing access to the pension.

I married this spring, at the age of 45. We've been together for almost 15 years though, with barely a cross word- we are very well-suited and adore each other. I want him to have some financial security and a roof over his head when I die (I have advanced breast cancer). Getting married at our age was for the same reason as most couples: for love.

Give half away? What, if you choose to marry someone with nothing, you mean?

Bizarre thread. Why shouldn't older people want to commit? Very sad attitude indeed.

Like every situation there are ‘bad’ guys and ‘good’ guys, just as some women can be money grabbing. I am lucky to never have been in a financially abusive relationship and, to put it bluntly, with a higher earning DH my situation is, in purely financial terms, better off as I am married rather than being single. BUT, at my age (60+) if I was ever single now I would not remarry or live with anyone ever again. Too much at risk ... not just money, I value my independence and am quite capable of living contentedly alone.