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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not really AIBU, but what should I do?

41 replies

NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 09:45

Escaped an abusive relationship 10 months ago. He lived with me for a while and my address was on his driving license.

Over the past 10 months I have received various letters for him, parking fines, speeding tickets etc so it became obvious he hadn't changed his address. I contacted him and asked him to change it, got loads of abuse, ended up calling the DVLA myself to inform them and the police dept that sent the notices. Also put all post bank in post box with "not at this address"

This morning I get another one from an enforcement agency regarding driving in a bus lane with a charge of £173 from back in December as he hasn't paid the original fine.

What should I do? Call the agency myself and explain? I'm scared now because the letter is threatening bailiffs turning up at my address if this fine isn't paid.

So sick of this!!! What's the best way to handle it?

TIA x

OP posts:
Bunnybigears · 31/08/2019 09:50

Yes call the agency and explain and give them an address for him if possible and also his phone number.

SaddleGoose · 31/08/2019 09:51

Return to sender, write on front "person not at this address" or something like that. I doubt bailiffs would turn up, I've had plenty of long standing debts and they never have. If they do, just say he doesn't live here and close the door.

Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 09:53

Thank you for replying Flowers

I'm a bit worried about giving his address and phone number in case he realises it was me that "got him into trouble". He's an extremely angry man and I don't want to piss him off. A non mol I had has recently expired.
Will the agency tell him who gave them the info??

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 09:55

Call the agency yourself. Ignore the “oh the bailiffs won’t turn up” advice. They will. And you will have to prove he doesn’t live there any more- they won’t just take your word for it.
Do you have his current address?

Bunnybigears · 31/08/2019 09:56

Explain to the agency the situation and make sure they know about the non molestation order (you dont need to tell them it has expired). Even if you dont tell them they will eventually do a trace on him and write to any addresses he has with credit reference agencies etc.

dollydaydream114 · 31/08/2019 09:57

You’re not obliged to give them his new address if you’re frightened to do that - you can just tell them you don’t know where he is.

The person we bought our house from didn’t change his address with the DVLA and we had a similar problem but we didn’t have a clue what his new address was so we just had to explain he didn’t live there. You won’t get bailiffs turning up.

Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 09:57

Yes I do have his current address but I'm worried if I provide them with his address he'll assume it was me and then I'm opening myself up to another load of abuse from him

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 09:59

Ok, thank you xx I think I'll call them this morning and explain but not give his new address. I don't want to live in fear that he'll try and exact some sort of revenge 🙄

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 31/08/2019 09:59

If you can email the bailiffs with your council tax bill.

If not just call them.

Remember that only balliffs with court orders which state they can enter the property, can do so.

If you show that you are the only occupier and the debt isn't co signged by you, you aren't liable.

I'd get a folder together with a few bits, of proof together, just in case. You don't know how much he's liable for.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 10:00

“You won’t get bailiffs turning up.”

She will unless she does something active to prevent it. Talk to them, OP.

Ponoka7 · 31/08/2019 10:03

X post.

Don't give them his address if it will put you in danger.

The DVLA will have wanted a new address and they can bother wherever he's said he now lives.

Tell them you have had a non mol and end the conversation there.

Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 10:03

Thank you so much for all your advice.

Yes, this is at least the 4th notice I've had regarding various traffic offences, so I would imagine he's building up quite a debt.

Thought I was free of this piece of shit. I think he's done this deliberately to maintain some control

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 31/08/2019 10:05

You don't have to give his new address, although if you don't, they may keep writing to you as his last known address. Sadly it's not uncommon for people avoiding debt to use the same tactic so companies tend to keep writing until they have a new address, in my experience, but you've told them and it's recorded so hopefully they'd be less likely to bother to send bailiffs. If bailiffs turn up, you'd need proof he doesn't live with you and owns nothing in your house, I believe - but I wouldn't be letting them in just incase. That's what I was told when I kept getting debt collectors letters for the people who lived in my house before me, at least!

Can you extend the non-mol? I'm sorry this is happening Thanks

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 10:05

The agency are very unlikely to take your word for it. Be prepared to prove it. Can you get the non mol extended?

Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 10:07

How do you give proof that he doesn't live here or own anything?

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 10:08

I've recently completed an electoral role update, is that enough?

OP posts:
Juells · 31/08/2019 10:27

Ignore the 'you won't have bailiffs turning up' - you may not, but you don't want it hanging over your head.

Ring up every enforcement agency and tell them you've advised DVLA he doesn't live there, say you've had a non-molestation order issued to you, and suggest they get his address from DVLA.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 10:31

“and suggest they get his address from DVLA“

But he hasn’t changed his address. So they will continue to hassle the OP.
Could you get the non mol extended? My dd had the option to apply for this when the first one ran out. That might be enough to get the bailiffs off your back.

Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 10:42

Ok, I think it's sorted. Called and explained thr situation. She asked which authority I was under council wise so I assume she's checked something there. I mentioned the non mol and she's assured me that no bailiffs will turn up now.

Thank god!

Thank you so much for all your advice, I got myself in a right panic this morning! x

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 10:43

@BertrandRussell I wasn't given an option to extend the non mol, tbh I found the whole situation, going to court etc very stressful last time, as I didn't qualify for legal aid had to represent myself.
So I'm not sure I want to go through that again unless it's absolutely necessary

OP posts:
CacenCrunch · 31/08/2019 10:44

How do you know details of what is in the letters? Are you opening his post? Return them unopened to the sender

Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 10:47

It's a good job I am opening "his post" or I'd be non the wiser about bloody bailiffs potentially turning up.
I have been returning all of them to sender but it's still happening, over and over again.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 31/08/2019 10:48

Just return to sender

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 10:54

OK- that’s good. Make a proper note of the conversation you had- all the details you can remember.

And keep opening the letters. Ring again every time you get one.

Chunkers · 31/08/2019 10:54

Don’t just return to sender, you need to write - no longer at this address since bla bla bla. That worked for me.

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