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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not really AIBU, but what should I do?

41 replies

NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 09:45

Escaped an abusive relationship 10 months ago. He lived with me for a while and my address was on his driving license.

Over the past 10 months I have received various letters for him, parking fines, speeding tickets etc so it became obvious he hadn't changed his address. I contacted him and asked him to change it, got loads of abuse, ended up calling the DVLA myself to inform them and the police dept that sent the notices. Also put all post bank in post box with "not at this address"

This morning I get another one from an enforcement agency regarding driving in a bus lane with a charge of £173 from back in December as he hasn't paid the original fine.

What should I do? Call the agency myself and explain? I'm scared now because the letter is threatening bailiffs turning up at my address if this fine isn't paid.

So sick of this!!! What's the best way to handle it?

TIA x

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 10:58

Thank you, will do Flowers

I've lost count of the amount of mail I've written "NOT AT THIS ADDRESS" on in huge red letters and sent back. It just doesn't make any difference.

I'm dangerously tempted to contact the piece of shit myself and demand he sort it out himself.
But I won't, much as I'm tempted Grin

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 11:01

You have to remember that bailiffs are used to people doing anything they can to avoid paying their debts. So they assume that everyone is like that. And (controversial point here) it is not a job a human being with an ounce of empathy or compassion would do. So cover yourself.
Are you going to send the letters on to your ex?

Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 11:13

I don't know what to do.
If I send them on to his address and they do catch up with him, he'll assume it was me that told them his new address (I didn't) and I'll get a new round of abuse.

The phone call with the enforcement agency was recorded (or so it said before I was put through) so hopefully there's an evidence trail there.

OP posts:
Hellywelly10 · 31/08/2019 11:27

A bailiff came to my house after i kicked out my narc ex chasing payment. He checked the electoral register and as i was the only person listed he left. Remember never let a bailiff in your home.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 11:29

Tricky. Could you send him a solicitor’s letter instructing him to change his address?

Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 11:31

God, even though I know I've gone nothing wrong, this feels horrible. I'm a single parent and really don't like the idea that they might turn up, whether they go or not. Its making me feel really anxious.

I updated my details on the electoral role just the other day. He was never on it anyway as he only lived with me for a couple of months. Hopefully this is what the lady on the phone looked up.

Urgh, this isn't my life Sad

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 31/08/2019 11:35

You have applied for the single person Council Tax, haven't you?

Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 11:36

X posts.
Yes I could do that, but that's money I don't really have atm.

I just want this to stop now. Not only do these abusive men fuck up your life at the time, but this one's leaving a fucking legacy

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedToGiveLessOfAShit · 31/08/2019 11:37

I was single person the whole time. He had literally moved in to help me with aftermath of surgery. It wasn't long at all

OP posts:
Boxerbinky · 31/08/2019 11:38

I've lived through this too OP. You need proof that he does not live at your address, like council tax letter in just your name / single tenancy letter etc. That way they disassociate the debt from your address.

They may ask for a forwarding address - but that's not your responsibility to give.

Definitely call the agency and advise that he is no longer at your address. Also for any letters that arrive for him, Royal Mail advice is to put a cross through the address, write on the envelope 'no longer lives at this address' and put it back in the postbox.

Boxerbinky · 31/08/2019 11:42

Sorry x- post re post 'no longer at address' maybe if you do know his current address give them it. I ended up giving my ex's mums address as I had no orher. I knew he'd been staying there so it seemed fair!

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 11:43

Open all letters and ring the agencies concerned. Do not send back unopened.

AlexaAmbidextra · 31/08/2019 12:06

How do you know details of what is in the letters? Are you opening his post?

CacenCrunch. Spectacularly missing the point. How is your comment relevant?

CacenCrunch · 01/09/2019 14:14

I thought it was illegal to open other people's post that's why I mentioned it!

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 01/09/2019 14:23

It's only illegal if you don't have a 'reasonable excuse' to open it. I would say preventing someone else's bailiffs appearing at your door would be a reasonable excuse to open mail.

BertrandRussell · 01/09/2019 14:25

Sod legality. Open the letters. Every single one. And ring about every single one.

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