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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU talk me down?

43 replies

Howdidido · 31/08/2019 09:38

I got DH tickets to an event. His favourite. Not my absolute favourite but enjoy going.
So I don't know, but if you get someone 2 tickets as a present you expect to go together right? He invites his dad.
Ok. That's fine. It's his present to do with as he wants.
2 weeks before event, he tells me in passing that his brothers have rented a hotel in same city so they can have a night out. Oh. Overnight stay. That's nice. Ok me and DD(4) will have a girls weekend. Early night and slumming in pjs sounds great. (For full info I'm 32 weeks pregnant).
Then a day later tells me his mum is coming to stay with me for the weekend. She's lovely. But I don't want to be "on" all weekend. Being hostess. But I'm apparently really unreasonable to say I don't want her to come.
I relent, on the proviso that he doesn't stay all day next day and comes home relatively early.
Day comes and he's saying he has to get early train and how it's rude that he leaves early next day. Even though his dad is coming back to ours with him. His mum is staying 5 days in total. 2 days just with me.
AIBU to be a bit pissed off?
I know he's going to be back later than agreed because he'll say it's unfair on his brothers.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/08/2019 09:41

I wouldn't have a problem with any of that except his mum staying (if I didn't want her to).

Then again, I'd politely but firmly tell her I have plans of my own.

WorraLiberty · 31/08/2019 09:42

Sorry, meant to say....

So I don't know, but if you get someone 2 tickets as a present you expect to go together right?

No I wouldn't unless I'd said "Oh I bought us tickets".

travellersglitch · 31/08/2019 09:42

I wouldn't be pissed off with him having a night away but I'd be majorly pissed off for him assuming his mum can come for the weekend. I would of told him to piss off and make an excuse.

AlunWynsKnee · 31/08/2019 09:43

I wonder if he thought:
I won't drag how off to the event with her not loving it and being heavily pregnant.
I'll get my mum to stay to give her a hand with dd. It's my mum so it's not like having a guest.
I'll arrange all this to be helpful.

Ponoka7 · 31/08/2019 09:45

The only part that is out of order is his Mum staying.

But i don't get 'hosting' family. Especially if they are the same sex. I still wear my PJs and relax.

Perhaps start to change your mindset on that?

MamaOomMowWow · 31/08/2019 09:45

I'm afraid I couldn't really understand the end of your post. It's confusing to read.

Original poster
Howdidido · 31/08/2019 09:46

Yep. I think you're all right. I know IABU.
Although his mum.invited herself. (Again she's not a bother. Generally good MIL apart from occasional random attempts to convert me to her religion) but she's a nice lady.
I just want to not have to entertain

OP posts:
RealMermaid · 31/08/2019 09:46

I would be a bit disappointed - if my partner buys me 2 tickets to something I would assume it's to go together. However in fairness you had the opportunity to discuss that with him when he first raised it and chose not to, so he's probably oblivious that you're upset about that. I would just make sure in future if you give any similar gifts it's clear you're intending to go together.

However him inviting his mum to stay with you when he's not there without discussing with you is bizarre and you're rightly peed off - especially as you've told him how you feel. I think you need to chat about making decisions as a couple not foisting them on one another.

Original poster
Howdidido · 31/08/2019 09:46

Anyway- IABU but I am pissed off with him. And not sure how not to be now

OP posts:
couchparsnip · 31/08/2019 09:47

Your DH is putting you at the bottom of his list of importance. At 32 weeks pregnant that's not where you should be, (or any other time for that matter). He is BU to disregard your feelings in favour of his family.

Worgust · 31/08/2019 09:50

Get him a River Island voucher next time.

GetUpAgain · 31/08/2019 09:53

No way would I want MIL gate crashing my peaceful weekend with DD!

Original poster
Howdidido · 31/08/2019 09:57

Me and MIL are not close. I wouldn't let her see me in what passes for pjs at 32 weeks! Her relationship with her kids is very different to mine with my mum. It's more stilted.
So it won't be relaxed. And that's I guess why I'm annoyed.

OP posts:
dollydaydream114 · 31/08/2019 10:03

He should at least have asked you if you wanted to go with him so you had the option and he should absolutely not have asked his mother to stay when he’s not even going to be there. What a nob.

Original poster
Howdidido · 31/08/2019 10:07

I think I'm now mostly annoyed with myself for not insisting she can't stay. She probably didn't want to stay alone for the weekend. They live quite a way away hence staying for 5 days...
But this would have been a lovely weekend for just me and DD before the baby comes.

OP posts:
Chocolatemouse84 · 31/08/2019 10:08

The only thing that I wouldn't be happy about is your oh letting his mum invite herself round. I totally get the wanting a weekend just you and the kids, chilling and doing your own thing once kids in bed.

I think he needs to tell his mum it's not convenient for you and she needs to visit a weekend he's around too

cacklingmags · 31/08/2019 10:18

All would be fine apart from MIL, no way would I want to entertain.

Oakandlove · 31/08/2019 10:28

See in normal circumstances, I'd just put up with it, give him his time with his dad etc.; but I would never ever place myself in a guest position with anyone over 30 weeks pregnant (or anyone pregnant, truth be told). Take the good in this situation OP, she probably wanted to just be more part of it, probably looking forward to her grandchild arriving, throw her a bone.

Juells · 31/08/2019 10:31

Can you not say No now? Say you've decided to go away for a week. In fact, I would go away, just daughter and myself.

Original poster
Howdidido · 31/08/2019 10:32

Thanks everyone
Yeah I'm going to go and be a good DIL and suck it up.
At least I have a good excuse to go to bed when DD does!

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 31/08/2019 10:32

Why do you need to babysit his mum? Say no

Juells · 31/08/2019 10:32

Haha, this is the last time you'll buy him tickets for anything. He's being a CF.

Wehttam · 31/08/2019 10:36

OP I know it’s not your fault but what a shame you can’t be yourself around the MIL.

AE18 · 31/08/2019 10:37

Haha it sounds like neither of you have communicated very well.

I'm with you in that if I buy my partner two tickets for something, it's under the assumption that we're going together. But I think it must be subtly clear in my wording, ie "we're staying in X hotel"/"we could to dinner as well" etc. I'm assuming you didn't say anything that suggested you'd be going too and he misunderstood. But if someone bought me two tickets to something it would automatically be my instinct to assume I was going with the buyer rather than pick someone to take, perhaps it's just a lifetime of receiving that kind of gift. If it's a sport thing, maybe he's used to getting gifts like that from people who have no interest in going themselves and expect him to pick someone.

I do think it's quite rude of him to invite his mother without asking you first, though. If you don't have a particularly close bond it could very easily be awkward, I get on fine with my MIL but usually see her in a group setting and would find the idea of two days alone with her trying to think of things to say very uncomfortable. Not to mention, as you say, it could have been a really special weekend for you and DD before the baby is born.

Is it too late to quickly find an event that takes you away from the house that DD is "desperate" to go to and say "I'm so sorry we won't be there that night", or something like that? 🤷‍♀️

Nautiloid · 31/08/2019 10:49

Everything here would be absolutely fine by me except his mum being told she could stay without checking with you first.
I'd have no complaints about the rest, which all sounds perfectly reasonable, but if I wanted time to myself, I'd expect my husband to go back and say 'oh actually, that part doesn't work'.

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