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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

IABU talk me down?

43 replies

Howdidido · 31/08/2019 09:38

I got DH tickets to an event. His favourite. Not my absolute favourite but enjoy going.
So I don't know, but if you get someone 2 tickets as a present you expect to go together right? He invites his dad.
Ok. That's fine. It's his present to do with as he wants.
2 weeks before event, he tells me in passing that his brothers have rented a hotel in same city so they can have a night out. Oh. Overnight stay. That's nice. Ok me and DD(4) will have a girls weekend. Early night and slumming in pjs sounds great. (For full info I'm 32 weeks pregnant).
Then a day later tells me his mum is coming to stay with me for the weekend. She's lovely. But I don't want to be "on" all weekend. Being hostess. But I'm apparently really unreasonable to say I don't want her to come.
I relent, on the proviso that he doesn't stay all day next day and comes home relatively early.
Day comes and he's saying he has to get early train and how it's rude that he leaves early next day. Even though his dad is coming back to ours with him. His mum is staying 5 days in total. 2 days just with me.
AIBU to be a bit pissed off?
I know he's going to be back later than agreed because he'll say it's unfair on his brothers.

OP posts:
Juells · 31/08/2019 10:51

That valuable MN saying "that doesn't work for me" should be wheeled out.

I'm 100% with you, OP.

Kanga83 · 31/08/2019 10:58

Agree with pp 'that doesn't work for me, you'll have to tell her you've your wires crossed'. You don't need to entertain anyone you don't want too.

liviadrusilla · 31/08/2019 10:59

Definitely say she can’t stay! You are 32 weeks pregnant so don’t want to host and want some quality time with your daughter! Not unreasonable at all - and your husband should be the one telling them and apologising for not checking before. Totally fine to change your mind!

Juells · 31/08/2019 11:01

He's going off for a jolly weekend, and you're stuck at home 32 weeks pregnant hosting his mother. It works for him, right enough Grin

WhyBirdStop · 31/08/2019 11:41

Can you amp up the 'I'm not feeling well, ugh so pregnant' even if you are fine and get her to take DD out somewhere? You'll get a lovely relaxing morning/afternoon. I think she was probably a bit miffed that her DH was getting to see their sons and she was being left behind so they concocted this 5 day trip where they can all see each other. It's a bit annoying but if she's generally nice can you just say to her MIL I'm exhausted/not feeling great would you like some one on one time with your granddaughter? She'd love it and it would be doing me a huge favour.
Oh and next time you buy tickets say 'I'm taking you to see X', no confusion!

HaileySherman · 31/08/2019 12:14

Oh man! My husband surprising me with a lone visit from his mother?!? At 32 weeks pregnant?!? I don't think any reaction to that would be unreasonable lol. So sorry OP.

Geekynzmum · 31/08/2019 12:52

I would just warn MIL ahead of time that it's going to be a relaxing weekend and she can help herself to drinks and food as and when she wants them. Just use the excuse of being pregnant and tired to be lazy. Grin

Grumpyunleashed · 31/08/2019 14:22

No no no
Conversation with DH goes as follows, “I’ve changed my mind. MIL is not welcome, I am reinstating my plans for the weekend. You invited her, now you can uninvited her.
Door will be locked and phone off the hook.
Why? Because I say so.
Also good news, each of my family have invited you to stay for 6 weeks with them individually on your own so I’ve accepted for you, enjoy, I’ve made my own plans”.

You might then chose to negotiate re the other 3 days after he returns.

God I hate families trying to push me about in any form, it activates the grumpiness. “Let sip the dogs of war” or if you prefer “Unleash hell”.

Bouffalant · 31/08/2019 14:29

Wtf, he invited MIL to stay with you without asking you? I'd be severely pissed off.

I'd make my own plans to be away for the night.

SavingSpaces2019 · 31/08/2019 14:50

So you bought ticket for an event assuming both would be going together.....
He didn't even consider YOU going with him...he instead invites his own family, makes a mini-break out of it - and also shoves the 'inconvenience' of MIL onto you - without discussion - so it doesn't affect HIS mini-break.

And all you've got to say is "i'll just be a good DIL and suck it all up"?

9ofpentangles · 31/08/2019 14:54

Yanbu. I would want to murder him in your situation

Juells · 31/08/2019 15:50

So....whatcha gonna do, OP?

Laiste · 31/08/2019 16:04

Yeah. No. DH would be told nicely that i don't want his mother staying the weekend thanks. And he would have to ring up and deal with it.

What will he say to her? Up to him.

Howdidido · 31/08/2019 17:09

I should have made clearer- it's this weekend. It's fine. Just a bit exhausting.
DD loves having her gran here. We've been out doing stuff and it's fine.
He didn't invite her- she invited herself to keep me company. She's well meaning.
I should have shut it down when it was suggested 2 weeks ago but I didn't.
If he's back late tomorrow I will be pissed off but other than that just making the best of it. Will be an early night!

OP posts:
Laiste · 31/08/2019 17:12

Oh this is a 'live' situation not a future one! Eeek. Oh well it's too late now as you say OP, and i'm glad it's going ok.

We live and learn. The hard way mostly.

Next time you'll swiftly decline the self invitation at the first mention Wink

HollowTalk · 31/08/2019 17:13

Fucking hell, that would be the last present he'd get from me!

Howdidido · 31/08/2019 17:14

She's having a nap now anyway Grin

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 31/08/2019 18:13

My dh done this once oh my mums coming to stay you dnot mind-i went off my nut he didnt understand why

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