To try and win this power struggle?!

[Ibelieveinmilko]

Unreasonable = Pipe down and deal with it
Not unreasonable = Create breakaway group

NC because this is so incredibly outing! If you remember me from another thread, please don't link or anything.

In the spring I set up a writing group. From the start, I wanted it to be a really simple format: the first two hours we spend doing writing sprints, and then after that, you grab yourself a drink, and we mingle and talk - about what we're writing, general chat, whatever. I wanted it to be really relaxed and casual and this was reflected in the group name (set up on MeetUp). I also specifically said this isn't a reading group: there are other places you can go for reading and sharing your work, in my experience work is best shared in smaller groups who actually workshop their stuff, when there's an element of trust and honesty.

This was just about getting people writing and socialising.

The group really took off. Three months down the line, Man A suddenly popped up on WhatsApp: he had created a "Group Organisation" chat group that included him, me, Man B and a woman. They also campaigned for a new name, so the old name has gone (the new name is still one I came up with though, which I like and would be sad to relinquish).

I wont bore you with too much detail, but I gave those three "privileges" on MeetUp to organise some events, and over time, it started turning into a group I don't particularly like. Reasons:

1. They started making it super stuctured: the time after writing is no longer about chilling and getting to know people, it's now readings. None of the other "organisation" people are taking the time to welcome new people properly anymore.
2. They want to "formalize" it. I'm not in the UK, this means setting up a whole structure with a chair and treasurer etc. I don't see the point!
3. The organisation chat on WhatsApp is full of messages constantly. Like when I wake up in the morning, 50 messages.

I just feel like it's now become a structured, vaguely anal chore, where I just wanted something free and easy where you could meet new people and feel welcome.

But what do I do? They've now become as synonymous with the group as I have. I still have control over the Meetup though and I pay for it.

Should I just pipe down and go with it? Or should I turn the group name back to what it originally was, reinstate the original concept, leave them with the current member list, location and time and let them get on with it while I start again with the original idea? I'm pissed off I let it slip out of my control and I also feel like it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't two men. I don't want there to be bad feeling.

Option 3
Ask the group members of their opinions on the format and changes since they joined and see what they think?

Option 4
Suggest a mix of structured and unstructured sessions

@Funko

I think I would get voted down. First of all, they aren't the ones having to deal with this WhatsApp group and potentially being forced into turning it into a formal structure, and secondly there's a bit of a personality cult going on with one of the men. Which makes me think - maybe its not my place to be messing with it anymore? Maybe, okay, I started it, but now I should just step down and let it evolve?

Change the name back.
Message all member and say you are going back to the old format of writing and chilling.
Wait for the Man to try and take over.
Tell him that if he wants a different type of group he can form his own.
If he still takes over cancel the Meetup and stop paying for it.
Form a new group with a slightly different name (or old name) invite all the old group and not the ones trying to take over.
Run it your way it's your baby.

What a shame.

I would just say, in a non-confrontational way "the group has taken a bit of a turn from what I had originally intended and I'm keen to return to the more relaxed format I had originally started. I'm going to start another one, so I'm happy for you to take over the Meet-Up payments if you wish? Anyone who wishes to join me in the alternative group is very welcome."

Where are the meetings held? Are they in your house?

I don't get a nice vibe from them and I'd be keen to break away if I was you, starting over with a whole new bunch of people if necessary; although I suspect there would be a steady trickle from the old group.

Good luck, I feel your frustration x

Hand over the reins , the admin, the costs , run and start again. No handover period.

Ooh, I'd be ghosting the whole lot of them Just go dark and get on with your writing. Maybe check back in when you get a stellar publishing deal.

What a cheek to take over something that someone else is paying for. I would say something like what yourestanding suggests and say the new (or "old) group will start and you will be stopping payments for the current one on X date but you're happy to arrange for them to take them over. You'll have to let the new name go, I think, but you can go back to the old one.

God this is really difficult. In some ways it would be good to kick their arses but tbh when you say there's a personality cult my heart sank. Best strategy is go back to original style, expect half or more to go with him. Run your own group but keep in touch with others. Over time some will slink back having lost love for the mighty leader.

This drives me mad because I've seen similar before in other community groups. It is more common when it's a successful group run by a woman. A man comes in with his big bright idea but doesn't want to do the boring admin side so just launches a stealth takeover. Women are socialised to be nice and avoid offending and so the concessions begin. So first it's the name change, then it's... you get the point.

First group sounds amazing and I’d be there in a flash. Second group sounds unbearable - just a load of people reading sections from their police based fiction and critising minor inaccuracies in other people’s work (maybe I’ve been burned before)
If it was me, I’d bow out, stop paying and start up a new group with no changes allowed ever.
And I don’t know what Meet Up is so I’m going to investigate in case there’s a group near me.

@Butterymuffin

I know. It really pisses me off, especially since these two guys are local and I just moved to the area 2 or 3 years ago. It's like why didn't you set up your own group before now, then?

What I'm thinking of doing is removing their privileges on the group, changing the name back to the old one, and telling them to continue running their thing on Thursdays as we have been doing and to keep the name. They're working on a website (lol) and they've complained before about "too many new people". So I'm guessing they dont need Meetup.

That way they keep the name and place, and I'll just pick a different place and time and keep the Meetup. Good idea?

@flashingbeacon

Thank you for your support! Meetup is excellent, have a gander. And yeah, I agree. It's a bit of an ego exercise of you ask me. Another point of contention was the reason they wanted to set up a "structure" was so they could set up their own literary journal. But it's like... There are plenty of journals already out there, just submit your work.

I already suggested splitting the group by the way and they were like "Oh no, no no no!" and outraged so I guess this is going to be really uncomfortable..

@HalloumiGus

Completely. I'm so annoyed at myself for having allowed this to slowly happen. I gave "privileges" etc because I wanted it to be more of a fluid thing, but I made a mistake. Won't do that again.

And yes, personality cult, shagging, etc.

If the group is popular and successful, I would take a step back and hand over the running to the wannabe leaders.

Take some time out and think about setting up a group again, if your format is popular with others than your new group will again be successful too.

Example, I went on summer holiday for two weeks and tried not to use my phone very much. When I got back I read all the WhatsApp messages, and Man was like: "so we've decided on a URL we're going to buy, here it is, does that suit?". Fair enough, but why couldn't you just wait until I get back to talk about it with me instead of presenting it as a done deal?!

I don't know though, maybe I'm being a bit egoey.

Ugh, this is why I skulk about writing rather actually finishing anything. Do they want to write because you create a world and a story and characters or do they write so people say isn’t he a wonderful writer!
I would hate anyone to read anything I wrote ever, never mind someone reading it specifically to judge it. There are sports teams that are competitions and teams that just meet to play, why can’t there be the same for writing?
I’m impressed you set up the original group, it’s a great idea that clearly worked. I’m confident you can do it again and this time anyone that wants more “structure” can be directed to the other group.

No man would think 'maybe I'm being a bit egoey' about this. Your plan sounds good. Don't 'suggest' it to them, tell them that's what you're doing.

I am so sick of this shit! Just walk away.

Your plan for how to handle it sounds perfect OP. It WILL be uncomfortable but that's ok. You're a writer! You're already used to discomfort.

And remember you're not dissing them by continuing with your original intention. No drama, no judgement. You just believe in your original idea. There is such beauty in its simplicity and prioritising of connecting with people. Good luck!

And completely agree there is no "suggesting". You don't owe the interlopers anything. Members can come to whichever they chose (and the beauty of your group is it doesn't matter whether it is you on your own, with 1 other or hoardes). There is no down side to you walking away right now.

Oh I'm sorry this has happened.
Could you have a chat about it in a meeting where not just you four are present? See what people like best or if there's room for, say, two sessions a week with different formats... people can come to one or both?
Ultimately, though, it's possible that your power has been eroded to such an extent that you may need to start afresh if you don't like the dynamic.

Is this the same group with shagger Steve? I think you should stick to what YOU want the group to be like. Anyone (man) that doesn't like it can fuck off. But I am sick of men taking over things women do.

@GetUpAgain
Yup, that'd be him....

What @Troels said

Also what Troels said. Anticipate and accept a big breakaway to follow the two big swinging dicks, but just tell yourself that leaves you with the core participants you want.
Don't "give" them your work!

I'm fuming for you. I know women can do this, but its so fucking typically male. Wankers!

I agree with pretty much everyone else! Change the name back to your original and start again. Be firm - this is your group. If loads of them stay with Idiot Writer Man and His Cronies, that's their look out. But I bet there's a lot of the original bunch who liked it the way it was. The cheek of the man!! Good luck (and stand firm).

Ps Let us know if Idiot Writer Man ever has anything published and then we can not read it on principle