To try and win this power struggle?!

[Ibelieveinmilko]

Unreasonable = Pipe down and deal with it
Not unreasonable = Create breakaway group

NC because this is so incredibly outing! If you remember me from another thread, please don't link or anything.

In the spring I set up a writing group. From the start, I wanted it to be a really simple format: the first two hours we spend doing writing sprints, and then after that, you grab yourself a drink, and we mingle and talk - about what we're writing, general chat, whatever. I wanted it to be really relaxed and casual and this was reflected in the group name (set up on MeetUp). I also specifically said this isn't a reading group: there are other places you can go for reading and sharing your work, in my experience work is best shared in smaller groups who actually workshop their stuff, when there's an element of trust and honesty.

This was just about getting people writing and socialising.

The group really took off. Three months down the line, Man A suddenly popped up on WhatsApp: he had created a "Group Organisation" chat group that included him, me, Man B and a woman. They also campaigned for a new name, so the old name has gone (the new name is still one I came up with though, which I like and would be sad to relinquish).

I wont bore you with too much detail, but I gave those three "privileges" on MeetUp to organise some events, and over time, it started turning into a group I don't particularly like. Reasons:

1. They started making it super stuctured: the time after writing is no longer about chilling and getting to know people, it's now readings. None of the other "organisation" people are taking the time to welcome new people properly anymore.
2. They want to "formalize" it. I'm not in the UK, this means setting up a whole structure with a chair and treasurer etc. I don't see the point!
3. The organisation chat on WhatsApp is full of messages constantly. Like when I wake up in the morning, 50 messages.

I just feel like it's now become a structured, vaguely anal chore, where I just wanted something free and easy where you could meet new people and feel welcome.

But what do I do? They've now become as synonymous with the group as I have. I still have control over the Meetup though and I pay for it.

Should I just pipe down and go with it? Or should I turn the group name back to what it originally was, reinstate the original concept, leave them with the current member list, location and time and let them get on with it while I start again with the original idea? I'm pissed off I let it slip out of my control and I also feel like it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't two men. I don't want there to be bad feeling.

Also what Troels said.

Can you boot them from the meetup group altogether?

If one of them (mr personality cult) is shagging his way through the group i would think there's a significant number of people who'd be happy to see the back of him.

Thanks so much for your reassurance! I'm not used to confrontation so this will be a good test for me. I'll probably need your moral support as it unfolds, but for the time being the plan is to scope out a new venue next week. So I'll need to hit the town and go check out some other bars.

By the way, DP thinks I should absolutely hold on to the name, because it's a good name. There was also a very small article in the local newspaper about the group, using that name. I don't know though, what do you think? Problem is one of the guys has already started building a website etc with that name...

I'd keep the location and the name - you thought of it and you 'own' the group. I'd send the email telling the interlopers that you are returning to the original format and they have the choice to remain or set up their own group ( don't make it easy for them by handing over your own space and time slot. Let them sort their own shit out).
Remove their ability to make random changes before you do anything

Him building a website isn't your problem - it's his. He can set one up for the new group. If you own the name, surely you have the right to object.

Not sure how you would assert your rights to the name. Has the guy building a website paid for that URL, with his own money, not yours?

I agree with your DH. It is your group name. You keep the name. If they want a good name for their break away group (which is what it is) then they can spend hours thinking and arguing about a good name. Them taking your name is like them stealing your writing.

Urls are cheap. The website he's building is not dependent on a particular url, it can change easily. Don't worry about that.

There's nothing wrong with having enough ego to demand that your vision is the vision and you will only collaborate with those who share your vision? Isn't that what is expected of pretty much every successful artist? Own your artistic egotism. It's right.

I have no advice to give but it really pisses me off that men join something then feel they have the right to take over. 👿

It is more common when it's a successful group run by a woman. I'm having this problem at the moment. I think there is a number of men who pay lip service to equality but who find it difficult to cope with competent women who have ideas of their own, not depending on the Men.

It's difficult to cope with - all organisations go through a stage where the "old guard" are used to running it their way, and resent a new group with new ideas, so as one of the "old guard" you have to do a check, as you are doing, as to whether you've just got set in your ways. Once you've eliminated that possibility there's two options, if you have the weight of your membership behind you, you force out and isolate the new people. Or if they have already got a following (their is some merit in what they want, it's not just the original direction), the fight would be too bloody, and it's best to leave them to it and set up a new venture, taking with you all the people who share your vision. Maintain your vision, with an outward show of grace so no nasty people can say "of course, her nose was put out of joint..."

To be honest I think keeping the new name isn't kosher if it's more reflective of the new group direction. I would let them have the name and go back to old one or come up with a better one.

Cult leader groups have a high crash and burn rate. Let them have their name. Dissociate from it asap. They'll probably rise fast and then fizzle out unless he finds some workhorse women to do the unglamorous bits. If he's shagging those women he'll piss them off.

Better to be totally dissociated by then. Btw if he's looking for formalizing and role bearers he's probably looking to go for Arts funding. If he's an incompetent shagging narcissist run a mile from this.

Btw to avoid a power struggle I would play to his ego. Tell him his group sounds perfect for the more serious writers but you want to keep yours more open for beginners and casual writers. Give him the name, wish him well. Keep your eye roll internal when you're saying all this - don't do a Merkel 😂