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Original poster

Catty remarks from so called friend?

36 replies

insomniasucks · 31/08/2019 04:46

Hi, I will try and keep this short.

Split from ExH a year ago (we have three children together) and a friend has been saying some really weird things. For example:-

"I've always found it odd that none of his children look like him"

"You know, I can have a really good flirt with exH on the school run"

I can't think of any more examples at the moment but there are loads more.

Our children are 100% definitely his and people have quite often commented that they look so much like him.

When I pulled her up on the "flirt" comment she said perhaps she used the wrong word, she meant that he was a laugh.

She has been supportive during our split so I'm not sure whether I'm reading too much in to this.

Is she just not thinking or am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
Jesaminecollins · 31/08/2019 04:49

She sounds like a right bitch.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 31/08/2019 04:57

This sounds like my ex BFF! We were close for so long and then I split with XH. She let me stay with her, it was actually a lovely part of a hugely stressful time.

I met now DH ten weeks later (I know) and she changed overnight. Catty remarks from day 1, about how she preferred XH as “at least he had a pulse”, her giving glares to DH over my birthday dinner out, face of stone in our wedding photos - hard to ignore when it’s a party of 8.

Then when I had children it was all over and after she tore my head off for not sending her flowers to say thank you as i’d asked her to be there at my side when being induced to give DH a break (it was a 100hr induction, she was there for 8) I sent her an email to ask where it’d all gone wrong and the response was poison and completely reflective of where HER head was at.

Your friend sounds similar. Saying those things is not friendship. Either discuss it with her “mate, why’d you say that, really, why” or distance yourself and prepare to fade things out.

Original poster
insomniasucks · 31/08/2019 04:59

Yeah, I'm starting to think that. It is out of order isn't it? The "none of his children look like him" was said more than once on different occasions so it't not like it was a slip of the tongue.

Thank you for replying Smile

OP posts:
Caucho · 31/08/2019 05:07

Just ask her what she’s insinuating next time she says it eg are you saying I fucked someone else during our marriage and they’re not his? Then see her try and squirm a response! Bonus points for saying it without venom and a nice smiley demeanour to make it more awkward for her

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 31/08/2019 05:11

My ex BFF was kind and gorgeous and generously spirited.... but it was at a cost.

She always had to be “busy, so busy, I’m a woman in demand”

She couldn’t process anything except success - in work, in creative endeavours - having trouble would frustrate her in extremis

And she always had a project on the go. And that was meant to be me post split from XH but then I met DH and that scuppered her plans.

Just definitely ask “why”. And don’t be afraid to keep asking. Channel your inner toddler, until you get the real answer stick with the why.

What is she like as a person? Naturally a bit catty?

MeggyMeg · 31/08/2019 05:12

She fancies him and she's no friend. Time to step away OP.

666onmyhead · 31/08/2019 05:18

Maybe he's insinuating to her that you are the party at fault in the marriage break up, inferring he's not sure he's the daddy ?? . Time to tell her to F off I think. Hope she and your ex will be very happy together.

Jesaminecollins · 31/08/2019 05:19

None of my children look my husband either - which I am glad about because I was worried they might get his big nose.

blackcat86 · 31/08/2019 05:29

Shes lining herself up as the new gf for home.its all very unsupportive and weird of her.

Original poster
insomniasucks · 31/08/2019 05:49

Come to think of it she is very catty about other people behind their backs Hmm

She's married and ExH has a new partner, and to be fair to him he would never say anything bad about me, it has all been quite amicable. I just find it all a bit bizarre, why would she want to make me feel bad? I have nothing that she should be jealous about.

I have just thought of another comment, well text really. When I moved out of the family home with the children and moved into a rented house half the size, (she viewed it with me before I moved in), she text me (on the actual day I moved in and she knew which day I was moving in) letting me know that she is putting her house on the market as it's just too small for her and her family and they need something bigger. They have two children and live in a spacious three bedroom house. I was a bit miffed at the time and thought it a bit insensitive of her, but thinking back, I wouldn't dream of sending a text like that.

Thank you for all your messages Smile

OP posts:
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 31/08/2019 07:08

I don’t think she’s after your XH at all

This is all about her possible jealousy at your new dawn, a life free of marital stress and a clean slate on which to write your own story.

The “big house” comment is the classic one upmanship of someone who’s unhappy with their own life.

Factor in her propensity to be catty anyway means I’d be wary of what she may be saying v about you to any mutual friends. Even if they think she’s being a knob, if you know them via her you may find they start acting weird to you.

Time to reassess your friendship with her and brace for any mutual friends being weird. If they are, quietly accept what’s happened and make no attempt to hang on. If they’re smart, they’ll make their own decisions.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 31/08/2019 07:18

She's being a bitch OP - it's not just you being sensitive. Watch her carefully and don't rely on her for anything if you can help it.

MeggyMeg · 31/08/2019 08:06

She's a cow trying to undermine you. I'd put some space between you , and next time she makes a catty remark make her squirm by asking what she means. She's certainly not a friend though. You have to feel sorry about people like this. Its insecurity and as someone else said, someone who is unhappy with their own life.

RickOShay · 31/08/2019 10:30

I agree with paul
A few months ago I had a life changing event. I now know who my friends are Grin
In a way it’s liberating. Friendships require energy and time, I, like us all have limited quantities of both, so I will now focus more on my own stuff.
I also agree that how people react to you speaks volumes about how they feel about themselves and their choices.
It’s not you sweetheart, it’s her.

Original poster
insomniasucks · 31/08/2019 12:07

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful replies. I guess I'm not being over sensitive after all. It is such a shame as we get on so well apart from this, we have wine nights together and our boys are in the same class at school, although their friendship is a little up and down at times.

Maybe she is desperately unhappy, but she hides it well. She's intelligent too so it's not like she isn't thinking when she speaks. I guess I will have to start fazing out our friendship, I know I'll be a lot happier. To be honest I've started doing this already and haven't seen or spoken to her throughout the summer holidays.

You are all right, a true friend wouldn't say all those things.

OP posts:
RickOShay · 31/08/2019 12:55

It may not be that’s she’s desperately unhappy but more that she is not quite content iykwim.
A rumble of unease running through her life.
It is a real shame when people who are so great in so many ways fail you when you need them.

Sparklesocks · 31/08/2019 13:00

I would be wary of her, either she means what she says or she’s saying it solely to wind you up. Regardless, be careful what you say to her and how much she’s a part of your life.

Mamagin · 31/08/2019 13:04

If she says your children don't look like your exH again, give a tinkly laugh and say, 'yes, they are the spitting image of..(insert her husband name) aren't they? '
How insulting of her.

FaithInfinity · 31/08/2019 13:08

She sounds like a ‘foul-weather friend’. There for you when things are bad but when your circumstances improve she doesn’t like it so she tries to bring you down. I would keep my distance from her.

TomHagenMakesMyBosomTremble · 31/08/2019 13:10

She's just a bitch. End of. Trying to pick you apart so she feels better!

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 31/08/2019 13:28

She sounds like a ‘foul-weather friend’. There for you when things are bad but when your circumstances improve she doesn’t like it so she tries to bring you down

Bang on @FaithInfinity bang on.

FaithInfinity · 31/08/2019 13:35

Paul I’ve just managed to untangle myself from mine!

Original poster
insomniasucks · 31/08/2019 13:51

If she says your children don't look like your exH again, give a tinkly laugh and say, 'yes, they are the spitting image of..(insert her husband name) aren't they

Brilliant idea! I will definitely say that if she ever says it again Grin

I do think she does secretly fancy my exH though. I mentioned the flirting comment to him and he was mortified! He's never been a flirt and was baffled by the comment. He said that they only talk about the kids on the odd occasion, whilst walking from school to his car and have never 'had a laugh' together ever. She only met him a handful of times before we broke up, so it's not like they knew each other really well.

He avoids her like the plague now Wink

OP posts:
billy1966 · 31/08/2019 14:03

Definitely a bitch.
Definitely not your friend.
Definitely bitching about you behind your back.
Definitely unhappy that your life is on the up.
Definitely worth ditching.

Move on👍

31RueCambon75001 · 31/08/2019 14:19

People can be very odd.

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