Catty remarks from so called friend?

[insomniasucks]

Hi, I will try and keep this short.

Split from ExH a year ago (we have three children together) and a friend has been saying some really weird things. For example:-

"I've always found it odd that none of his children look like him"

"You know, I can have a really good flirt with exH on the school run"

I can't think of any more examples at the moment but there are loads more.

Our children are 100% definitely his and people have quite often commented that they look so much like him.

When I pulled her up on the "flirt" comment she said perhaps she used the wrong word, she meant that he was a laugh.

She has been supportive during our split so I'm not sure whether I'm reading too much in to this.

Is she just not thinking or am I being over sensitive?

I remember a married friend of mine (with a big house, lovely husband, 3 kids at private school) saying to me ''I wish somebody would just give me xxxx a month!''.

I was living with my parents. I was finally finally getting some maintenance from their father. But she saw it as me being handed a wad of cash for nothing. They wanted for nothing. I was STUNNED.

When I was on lone parent benefit she told me she supposed she knew were 'her' taxes went.

She would say it really quickly and then be on to the next subject so quickly. I didn't know how to react.

She's intelligent too so it's not like she isn't thinking when she speaks
Yea - she thinks she's so clever with her digs that you can't possibly turn anything round on her or hold her accountable...cos she's so nice

She's a bitch.

Who has always felt in 'competition' with you hence the sly digs over the years.
Her type excel at the backhanded compliments and the death-via-100-papercuts routine.

She was very supportive and has been a great help since the break up, but I've just thought of another thing....

A job vacancy came up in the preschool where our sons were attending and she pushed and pushed me to go for it and said that I would be brilliant at it. I was looking for a term time only job when we first broke up, as I knew that the benefits and child maintenance were not going to be enough to live on and she gave me the confidence to actually apply for it. I told her I had sent the letter and she was saying that I'd definitely get it and that I was a natural with kids and I was caring etc....

The next day she text me to say that she hoped I didn't mind but she has applied for the job too. I was a bit put out but I wished her good luck too. She already worked in a school, whereas I hadn't so she had more experience than me. I resigned to the fact that she would get. Unfortunately, I didn't get the job but, thankfully, neither did she, but one of the other mums did, who is lovely. Of course, foul-weather friend (love that phrase!) kept being bitchy about her after that, saying horrible things about her appearance and that her husband is too good for her, and that the preschool have made a terrible choice.

The more I think of all of this, the more I realise how unhappy she has made me. Time to cut ties...I'm too chicken to unfriend her on fb though

This school friend was a married sahm and she didn't work. So 'her' taxes weren't going towards me. I wished I'd made the point that my xh even though he had to be forced by a court order to pay to pay maintenance, was also paying taxes.

I agree with the comment about competition. Sometimes I feel like this, ie, why is this person being competitive with me when she is obviously the winner before the 'game' began (ie, wealth and all its trimmings) but I think sometimes they can feel inadequate because of your emotional intelligence or your empathy or your charisma or your balls leaving a shitty marriage.

She wants the role of being helpful to you. Ie, that you need the help she is clearly in a position to bestow upon you.

It might have made her feel good about herself to help you. If you don't need her help, how can you make her feel good about herself?

Are you braver than she is?
Are all of her decisions fear-based? And here you are, adjusting to life after divorce/separation, open to what comes next, edging out of your old comfort zone, ready to meet what comes.

@insomniasucks - she sounds like the majority of my family - when the chips were down, and they have been very low over the past two year, they were very supportive (in their own way). The minute I got a job (was a SAHM), having chucked out abusive ex, became financially stable - UC has saved me - started dating again, they suddenly turned on me and I've had to go NC with certain members. It's been horrific - as if they were happy to take a machete to my legs the taller I stood. Be strong, be capable and independent and be proud - with friends like these who needs enemies? Good luck

I'm too chicken to unfriend her on fb though
Click on the Friend button, then click on Restricted from the dropdown list.
She remains a FB 'friend' but only has access to your publicly shared stuff.
I do this with toxic family members and other people when i can't just cut them right out of my life.

She's a bitch and no friend.

Click on the Friend button, then click on Restricted from the dropdown list.
She remains a FB 'friend' but only has access to your publicly shared stuff.
I do this with toxic family members and other people when i can't just cut them right out of my life.

Thank you SavingSpaces. I had no idea you could do this

I'm with @MeggyMeg here. She fancies him. She's testing the waters, or trying to end the friendship so she can move in.

@SavingSpaces

OP, she has nailed with "death by 1000 cuts".

You will feel lighter.

I had a friend who was heartbroken years ago when I dropped her suddenly and finally.

She was the 1,000 cuts. I don't even know if she realised it fully herself how snide she was, but one day over some small little dig, I was so fxxxing over her.

We had a lot of history and I really cared for her as we shared so many great moments and laughs but it was over. I had called her out on it a couple of years ago but to no avail.
Fond and all of her as I was, I never regretted being done.

I think you'll find your the same.