I’m camping next to a woman who is parenting very loudly and incessantly ....

[BigSandyBalls2015]

... driving me fecking nuts.

She arrived this morning with a young girl (8/9ish). Girl wanted to go to swings which are almost next door to tent, mum had a loud 15 minute safety chat before she was allowed to go. 2 min later the mum called the girl back and declared she was extremely disappointed in the DDs “lack of judgement regarding safety” and therefore wasn’t allowed back for 30 minutes. Cue another loud chat. I hadn’t seen her do anything outrageous.

The girl was then blowing bubbles from a wand thing, cue mum going over and telling her she was doing it all wrong, just watch and learn. The kid wasn’t allowed more than a few metres in front of tent and she was called back for being marginally out of “the boundary that had been previously discussed and agreed” 😳.

Girl asked mum to play football with her ... mum did for about 30 seconds before it all started again “use your left foot, do you not remember the discussion we had about it being your weakest foot at football practice ... slow down and think about where you are going to pass as that looked completely wrong”

It’s just exhausting and I feel so sorry for the girl. Where’s the fun and enjoyment ... what’s the point of going camping together if it’s going to be that strict!

This reminds me of riding lessons when my dd was about 6. One mum brought a camcorder and filmed the whole lesson every week, shouting out helpful 'tips' every time she went past. I commented once that it was nice to have the recordings for memories, and the mum looked shocked and said she recorded every lesson so that the daughter could see her mistakes. The joke was that it was a beginner's lead rein class, so there wasn't exactly Olympic technique!

@BigSandyBalls2015

Just say SHUSH!! in a big loud voice and if she asks if you are talking to her say "Only if you think you are being too loud"

Yes, do a big shush, or pretend to be calling someone and have a lol at the loud parenting and poor child etc. make sure she hears you

Might send the younger ones over

Oh yes, please do and report back 😆

Befriend her. Get her tipsy and share your parenting tips. Report back here immediately.

I’d be tempted to recreate that hockey scene from the St Trinians film where the headmistress calls the rival head a silly cow (not-so under her breath), then, when called out on it, pretends to be calling one of her students - “Emily Sillycow, do remember to stretch!”

Except with your kids.

Oh god not bubbles. You need to teach perfect parent some camping etiquette.

We have just had a hellish holiday for the opposite reason, and would happily swap Loud Mum.
The parents of two dc 8 and 3 didn’t do ‘parenting’ at all, preferring to get slowly inebriated as their darlings terrorised everyone. They screamed relentlessly in the restaurants causing other guests to asked to be moved it was so bad, they spoke at the very top of their voices ‘ I want my dinner NOW’ they screamed over and over, mother looked indifferent, father sat on his phone without even lifting his eyes for most of the evening. At the pool they would dive bomb other small kids, stand and repeat my names John over and over for attention, took other children’s toys. The little girl nearly drowned in a large fountain as her mother ordered another drink, she was a busy taking a selfie and getting it just right, she didn’t notice her son tipping his entire dinner all over him.
We had the good fortune to be based next door. They let the dc scream outside from 6.40am he didn’t stop until 10pm. It was pure torture. Loud Mum surely is annoying but at least parenting -

Least you dont live next door to this (though its peaceful right now as they are on holiday) i feel for the kids.

@wijjjy I'm guessing you're not familiar with the area. You can't see the quayside seaside from the train (or the metro even)

God I feel so sorry for the kids with the micromanaging parents.

Years of psychotherapy in the pipeline right there.

Tis only a few days..

I live next door to the LOUDEST MUMMY ON EARTH...

Hers are too little for this level of performance parenting, we are still at the MUMMY SAID DON'T EAT THOSE SNAILS ... NO HENNESSY YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY.. stage..

We sing VERY loudly, we like Hennessy and Floribunda to play games that involve wanging metal dog bowls down the concrete yard or filling metal cans with stones and rattling them...

We MUST spend every waking minute that it is not pissing down, outside, being as loud as we possibly can...

NICE SHARING FLORIBUNDA... NO HENNESSEY DON'T BITE THE DOG MUMMY SAID DO NOT BITE THE DOOOOOOOOOG.....

I've got YEARS of this to look forward to.

Jesus I feel for those living next door to this sort ... I’m off home tomorrow

I never knew about bubbles and tents.

I live next door but one to the loudest mother on earth.
Unfortunately it isn’t the kind of performance parenting you are getting but the constant telling off.

Is this parent from East Dulwich ?

I would be very tempted to go into full Waynetta Slob mode. "Oi Chlamideeya darling, nip into the tent and find mummy's fags and lighter babes, , oh and while you are there, light of my heart, dig daddy a beer out of the cool box, and make sure it's a cold one this time. The last one was practically room temperature and you know that warm beer gives your dad the chronic runs."

Then start to make polite conversation with parenting mum about the poor quality of the chips and pizza they serve in the camp caff, and how you were forced to feed your kids coco pops for their dinner because they said they couldn't manage to get the pizza down even bought you'd asked for extra pineapple and covered it in ketchup......

I have camped several times a year since I was born and I never knew about the bubble thing. Every day’s a school day.

(I appreciate not the point of this thread)

Sounds like one of the mums that decided to take over the pool on holiday. There were 3 pools but they chose to loudly ( plus a loud dad) bellow at their kids telling them how to improve in the fitness pool. One day I was trying to do a few lengths, slowed down to let the kids go widthways before me so the parents didn't moan at the kids for swimming slower and one of the kids said to the dad "that woman's swimming slow." ( I'm a regular 60 length swimmer! ) he replied "yes darling some people can't swim as fast as us" he's lucky ( the wet slug) I didn't retaliate. Gave up going in in as there were too many entitled parents micro managing their kids. That was just 1 family, plenty more went on

I have camped several times a year since I was born and I never knew about the bubble thing. Every day’s a school day.

It's only really a problem on cotton tents. Nylon tents usually have a polyurethane coating on the inside that is immune to bubbles.

Wow...the LOUD mum from DD's swimming lesson must have gone camping...

We watch the lesson through big round windows in a corridor. Loud mum paces the floor while braying instructions to her poor kids on their homework. One child asked her to spell a word, and the mother took a solid five minutes yelling the phonetics required. She really laboured the fucking point.

We have one of these at school our sons were chatting quite normally about fortnite as they do in that age group she came screaming over yelling at him telling him WE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN PLAY AN ONLINE GAME which is fine then followed it up with UNLIKE SOME PARENTS span flounced and dragged her child after her the child plays online with mine admitted not as often but I was working a 40 hour week and he was busy being ferried from football practice to kumon extra swimming lessons because he is summer born so he needs EXTRA HELP AND SUPPORT she now works at the school her child is a bully quite frankly I dont think her intense attitude helps him I just smile and nod her parenting is not mine

I never did get the hang of performance parenting if you hear me its because mine are doing something they shouldn't the latest was PUT YOUR PENIS AWAY because my son really doesn't like to queue for the loo and wanted to use a Bush

BigSandy how's it going ?

I suppose you could say that she's trying to parent her daughter & isn't completely oblivious, like some parents.

Irritating although it might be for you, I can assure you the ear splitting screams of my neighbours little darlings are far worse.......far worse, they're all under 5 and youngest still in a nappy and all still "playing" out at almost 9pm (aka screaming blue murder right under my window) whilst she sits there chain-smoking & checking out her Facebook (clearly a mum with her priorities in order 😠). When she eventually drags them in they'll be bouncing off the walks so hard my pictures rattle until about 1am.....

So, thanks for the consideration, you selfish, obnoxious and entitled "parent" & don't ever come knocking on my door for favours, ever ....

And for those who would be keen to remind me that it's not an offence, no, neither is playing death metal loudly at 7am......so perhaps her little darlings would like some of that..... consideration, or lack thereof is a two way street...

Poor kid. Camping is a time for kids to have a bit of freedom I think. We've just been camping and we let our boys anywhere we can see them. Spend most of the time climbing trees (or trying too). Hope you enjoyed your wine!