To be dreading the return to school

[relax2]

Afternoon all
I'm a normal poster but have name changed incase this is outing

I am absolutely dreading the return to school for my 10 year old daughter . She has no friends at all at school and is always left out . She's much older than her years and quite socially awkward which makes friendships so hard . She can also be intense but incredibly sensitive . We had a terrible time with friends last year and I spent a lot of time in school asking for support but they say there isn't anything they can do , they can't make the kids be friends with her .

She has started with meltdowns in the last few days which I know is the apprehension of school re starting . I'm trying to reassure her and have given her some play time tasks to do if she's left out but all I want to do is keep her home and teach her myself to save the heartache of her literally feeling like she's alone all the time (30 hours a week at school is a lot to be alone)

We have tried clubs etc but I live in a very small area and all the same kids go to the same stuff so no matter where she goes the same kids leave her out :(

Anyone else going through this with their child that can alleviate my worry or AIBU to be so worried?!

Thanks :)

Re: social skills training have you researched local child psychologists? You can pay privately if you can afford it and they can offer therapy for anxiety etc and social skills training

My son has what we expect is aspergers , I’ve posted years ago on here worrying about him having no friends . When he went to high school he made a good friend . I think at secondary school there is a bigger pool of people thus more likely to be someone for them . He’s much happier now he’s a teenager strangely and less young and vulnerable . He also games online and had met some people he’s friendly with on there , I know it’s not ideal but it’s been good for his self esteem and social skills .

Thanks for the links Blank. They’re really helpful.

As well as going through our GP, we went down the private route too, just to find out one way or the other.

I should add that a year ago we moved schools. We are in a fairly rural area and it’s rare for kids to move, but the way I saw it we had nothing to lose. She was initially heartbroken, but after her visit day she hasn’t looked back. Everyone was desperate to be friends with the new girl, which really boosted her confidence.

In terms of going private what's the process and any idea of average cost?
I am going to have to see how this first half term goes and try not to let my anxiety feed into hers x

relax, you don't need school on ball to get her referred. have you seen the GP and requested a referral?

both of mine were referred and it was all done via GP; school was not involved.

This reminds me of myself at school. Hardly any friends, those friends I did have weren’t proper friends. I was socially awkward spent most of time alone. Always picked last. I did always like my own company but a friend would have been nice. I was always older than my years and preferred the company of those older (still very much the same now)

I assume that your daughter isn’t happy about it? Some children are completely happy to keep themselves to themselves otherwise I have no suggestions so sorry not much help.

Have you considered clubs slightly out of your area? Perhaps sports clubs, brownies, guides etc a little further afield where she can meet new people?

I assume she’s going into year six now? I’m not sure if this is much help but she only has a year until secondary school which maybe the best thing for her. She may make some new friends then. I know that’s still a year away though...

Hugs 🤗

Have you tried signing her up for some clubs where there are some older children? or a mix of ages. Maybe she is mature for age and would be more engaged with a slightly older crowd. My daughter does a drama club where there are some girls and boys 2 or 3 years older and she finds it more challenging (in a good way) there are some younger kids too.

We’re in Scotland. I found two private options: one was £2000 and was a larger clinic, 4 hours drive from us. The other was £600 and was an independent consultant with experience working within the NHS and only an hour away. We went with the second one. He met with us (myself and DD) for about an hour and a half. He asked questions and made notes. It felt very relaxed and informal though, and I learnt a lot about her. There were things going on (looking for patterns, counting etc) that I was unaware of. We are now at the stage where he is arranging to observe her in school. He asked her permission and explained no one would know why he was there. She felt very at ease with him after the first meeting and was happy to agree. She was relieved that there might be a reason why she thinks/feels/behaves the way she does. After the school visit he’ll have a meeting with myself and DH before he shares his report.

If you asked any teacher/after school club organiser/family friend/relative they’d say my DD is amazing! A bit quirky maybe, occasionally a bit tricky, but a really special girl. So well behaved, so hardworking... There are no obvious outward signs of ASD, but when you read into it she ticks every box.