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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What time is too late for a party to end?

64 replies

Zippyzoppy · 30/08/2019 13:19

My daughter is having her 18th birthday party at our house tomorrow night. She is a good kid, and I'm not worried about the house being trashed.

We do however, live in a quiet street. We have a good relationship with our neighbours, and have informed them of the party and have received good wished from them.

My one big concern is the noise. So my question is - if you like your neighbours, and they were having a one off, 18th birthday party - what time would you think it would be until you got pissed off if a bit loud? DD is thinking it should go on quite late, but I don't want to upset anyone. BTW, there are no babies in the street - youngest resident is a kid about 14.

OP posts:
yulet · 30/08/2019 13:56

I don't care if I'm a "kill joy". No one cares about killing mine.

I'm autistic and noise sensitive, I developed PTSD after living under a flat that did this almost all the time. Even now, five years on in a new home, the thud of bass music from cars throws me back there, and earplugs do nothing for that noise.

By all means, please have incredibly loud endless raucous parties, make them last for days and weeks on end, have the time of your life!

Just not at night time near where people sleep.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 30/08/2019 13:57

You could party all night if I was your neighbour - there's not enough parties in this world so I never have an issue with party noise if it's a one off. OTOH the blimin' dog walkers chatting in the street at 5 am outside my house every. single. day. give me the rage.

Having got that off my chest - you could probably reasonably get away with 1 am.

pudcat · 30/08/2019 14:03

I wouldn't be too bothered about the music if that horrible boom boom boom thump thump thump of the bass were turned down. That penetrates the whole house even with the windows shut.

HairyFloppins · 30/08/2019 14:06

Midnight I guess, but as long as we had warning. My DH often has to work the early hours at a weekend driving a train. Not a good combination on very little sleep.

PhilCornwall1 · 30/08/2019 14:08

If you are in a detached property, music should not be heard by neighbours after 11pm. If you are semi detached, I feel for your neighbours all evening!

CacenCrunch · 30/08/2019 14:09

I would say midnight. And I would be glad if my neighbours informed me with a time it was stopping, at least you could not plan an early night or lie there wondering when it was going to end!

NeelixFelicis · 30/08/2019 14:10

Just read the replies. I can't believe how much of kill joys people are!!!

If I told DD she could have a party but music had to be off at 11pm, she'd probably reply "So...not a party then?".
It's a bit mean spirited to expect a birthday celebration to be finished before the day is actually over.

If my neighbours were having a party and told me about it in advance, I'd suck it up for one night. If it was a weekly occurrence then that's different.

Same.

12 at latest if you're talking about loud music. Anything else and you should have hired a bloody nightclub.

It's likely that some of DDs friends aren't quite 18 yet. So they wouldn't be able to attend due to licensing.

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 30/08/2019 14:14

My neighbour has a really deafeningly loud party in their back garden about once every two years. They are very close to me (in block of flats by their house). I have had to go round and complain when it was still going on at 1.00 am as it was impossible for any of us to sleep (my dog was very frightened of the loud noise and my neighbours further away were out dancing on their balcony as no chance of sleeping ) and I needed to get up at 5.00 am to catch a plane. In my opinion, they should tail it off after 11.00 pm and definitely not have any more music after midnight (it just encourages them not to leave anyway).

Alaimo · 30/08/2019 14:14

I think 1am is reasonable. I don't mind if my neighbours have the occasional party that goes on later than that, but would appreciate more than 24hrs notice so I could possibly plan a weekend away or at the very least not plan anything requiring an early start on Sunday.

dollydaydream114 · 30/08/2019 14:15

I'd say 1am is fine for a weekend.

It's a one-off, so it's not like your neighbours are having to put up with this every week. I can be a tad sensitive about noise but I wouldn't mind this at all, especially if I'd been pre-warned. People are entitled to have a celebration once in a blue moon.

nobodyimportant · 30/08/2019 14:17

I think 1 am is reasonable but it shouldn't be loud after 11pm.

yulet · 30/08/2019 14:17

Well I think its mean spirited to assume that everyone around you should suffer because your child happens to want to make a lot of noise all night long.

And for you it's "just" one night, but once umpteen neighbours do it every year, it's not anymore.

Seriously, it's one of the worst things we're doing with technology as it progresses, we're killing off any quiet anywhere. It must have been so much easier to be autistic in the old days in this respect.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 30/08/2019 14:20

Midnight I would think is reasonable. You have warned your neighbours in advance though so they can't really complain!!

Our neighbors did this the other weekend (they're attached to our house) with no warning, and to be honest we were really pissed off. Our whole house was vibrating with the "music" and by 11.30 dd2 was in tears because she was exhausted but couldn't get to sleep.

Zakana · 30/08/2019 14:24

1am, it’s a special milestone birthday! And it’s not every other week, just warn the neighbours beforehand. Hope your daughter has a fantastic birthday,

Housewife2010 · 30/08/2019 14:34

I think all noise should stop by midnight. It's not fair to expect neighbours to suffer and to ruin the next day for them if they've had a lousy night's sleep.

Original poster
Zippyzoppy · 30/08/2019 14:35

Feels like I've opened a can of worms!

Consensus seems to be between midnight and 1pm. Fortunately, we are detached, so no vibrating walls.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
pumkinspicetime · 30/08/2019 14:46

I would say 12pm, it is an hour later than noise nuisance laws.
Later than that I would be getting pissed off, by 1pm I would be round complaining.
But thankfully we live in a quiet area where nothing goes on past 12pm.
I agree with pp hire a hall if you want a late and and noisy party.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 30/08/2019 15:13

Just read the replies. I can't believe how much of kill joys people are

If my neighbours were having a party and told me about it in advance, I'd suck it up for one night. If it was a weekly occurrence then that's different

Yep I agree - incredible responses. It's an 18th - 11 pm finish really? Noise is a part of life, parties are social events, if we don't engage socially with each other (and yes that means even after 11 pm) our worlds and communities will just get smaller and smaller as we all withdraw into our own little boxes, unable to cope with anything outside our own little world.

When I was a kid, there was noise everywhere, it was just normal, we were encouraged to have fun, and adults were nice about things like 18th birthday parties. Feel really sorry for kids today.

yulet · 30/08/2019 15:22

"When I was a kid, there was noise everywhere, it was just normal".

I honestly don't think it was - weekends were very quiet where I grew up (more so as everything shut down on Sundaus). Regular music speakers now are so much louder now and everyone seems to have them. I don't remember car speakers being so loud either.

And I'm not even that old, comparatively speaking!

PooWillyBumBum · 30/08/2019 16:09

I wouldn't mind what time really. If you were a well liked, and usually considerate/quiet, neighbour I would suck it up whatever time it goes on for.

If I were you I'd ask for music down by 12 and try and usher people out by 1-2. If you struggle to control noise it might be worth leaving some bottles of wine on the doorsteps of immediate neighbours as a sorry for the inconvenience.

Hope your DD has a great birthday!

PuppyMonkey · 30/08/2019 16:27

Is anyone else getting distracted by the number of people on this thread who don’t know the difference between 1am and 1pm? Grin

I would do midnight OP. If you’d hired a bar, that’s probably the time they’d have kicked you out.

Original poster
Zippyzoppy · 30/08/2019 16:30

@puppymonkey

Woops - you're right!!

OP posts:
mbosnz · 30/08/2019 16:33

We had our neighbours (the teenaged girls) sent round the neighbourhood by their parents to tell us about their party.

I was really impressed. They told us they were having a party, we asked what time it would be going to, and would there be loud music outside.

They said yes, and we said thanks for letting us know, and did they think that they could move the party inside and turn the music down around midnight.

They said no worries, everyone knew what was happening and what was expected, and everyone was happy. . .

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 30/08/2019 16:36

I'd say as a one off with enough warning I wouldn't really mind if it went on all night. You're only 18 once.

Weston14 · 30/08/2019 16:40

As long as it wasn't happening every week I'd just let it run on. As a PP said most 18 year olds don't go out til at least 10pm (well in fact closer to midnight round my way).