Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban houseguests

44 replies

MADASANOWL · 30/08/2019 11:08

Hello all,
Sorry this is a long one but I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable in banning house guests for the future after the last experience when my sister came to stay.
She lives four hours away with my parents (they bring their caravan when they visit so this ban wouldn’t affect us seeing them) and recently came to stay for just under two weeks.
Firstly this involves us giving up our nursery for her to sleep in, which although our baby is not sleeping in there currently, we have set out as a safe play room for her to crawl around and play with her toys.
This keeps the baby busy so we can have a drink and something to eat whilst watching her without having to constantly pick her up or move things she shouldn’t have every other minute. Without access to this room we struggle to put her down anywhere for any length of time as the rest of our house is quite cramped, making it difficult to keep her entertained and drink a cup of tea whilst it’s hot!
Secondly not only did her visit deprive us of that extra space but on multiple occasions she came breezing in from being out visiting friends in the area and woke the baby up from her naps (she’d then coo over her until she was fully awake again and I’d struggle to get her back down), which irritated me and meant I’ve have an overtired child to contend with.
Finally upon going into the nursery this morning after she had left to deflate the air mattress and tidy up the room ready to start using it again, I found that she’s stained a large patch of our carpet, footstool and the babies play mat (alongside a few other smaller things like towels etc) with a combination of her fake tan and leg foundation (not even sure if this is a real thing but she’s always using the stuff on her legs!). This now means that I’ll have to scrub all the individual tiles of the play mat in the bath, wash and scrub the carpet after tidying and vacuuming to try and remove the stains and set up the room for the baby again.
I’ve now stashed the air mattress in the loft and told my husband I’m fed up of the extra work and we won’t be having people to stay again. Am I being unreasonable and overreacting or is this justified?

OP posts:
CassianAndor · 30/08/2019 11:11

YABU - I don't think you can assume that every other house guest will behave like that. I've never had a guest do any of those things.

I assume you've told your sister about the mess she made? What did she have to say for herself awaits OP posting that she hasn't said a word to her sister.

But MN hates house guests so you'll get lots of people agreeing with you.

elvis86 · 30/08/2019 11:13

YANBU to not have your sister stay again.

YABU to extend this to not having anyone to stay.

Why is she coming for such a long time, and seemingly using your house as a hotel and gadding about with friends etc rather than spending time with you?

It doesn't sound like you have space to comfortably accommodate guests for more than a couple of nights, so I'd just limit it to that in future. 2 weeks is a long time to have houseguests at inconvenience to you.

TixieLix · 30/08/2019 11:17

If you have a 2 bed home and the second room is a nursery then use that as an excuse and say you can no longer accommodate people. Will you be moving your baby into the room to sleep soon? Even if you don't, the visitors don't need to know they're not using it (assuming there is a cot in there ready?) Surely they can sleep in their caravan if they're bringing it with them?

Steviestamborine · 30/08/2019 11:24

It can be a real pain having overnight guests when you have a baby so no you’re not unreasonable in the least.

raspberryk · 30/08/2019 11:28

You sound uptight and neurotic.
Your sister sounds like a pain in the arse.
YABothU

Original poster
MADASANOWL · 30/08/2019 11:30

Sorry to drip feed but I’m response to some of your questions:
She hasn’t replied to my message yet but I’d assume she’s still driving so don’t expect to hear from her for another hour or so.
Our house is a two bed where you have to walk through our bedroom to get to the bathroom, making it an awkward set up anyway when it comes to having people to stay.
The baby is 6 months old although it will be another month or two before she goes into the other room to sleep as she will be staying with grandparents in their room whilst we go on holiday in 7 weeks.
The caravan is my parents pride and joy and they won’t let anyone else stay in it so that’s not an option for her or others.

OP posts:
nornironrock · 30/08/2019 11:32

It's your house. You choose who comes to stay, and for how long.

It does not matter one tiny bit what everyone else thinks.

Thatnovembernight · 30/08/2019 11:37

In a short while your baby will be old enough to need their own room all the time so I think that will be sufficient excuse to not have your sister to stay again.
House guests are fine when you have a spare room and a second bathroom but hard work when you don’t.

Treezylover · 30/08/2019 11:38

🙄

likeafishneedsabike · 30/08/2019 11:39

You’ve got two problems here. Firstly, your house is not set up for guests given that you have a baby. Secondly, your sister is a terrible house guest. So ban her on the basis that the baby now sleeps in the second bedroom, and any close friends you particularly want to host can sleep on an air bed in the living room.
As an aside, I love the idea of grandparents coming to stay with their own caravan. What a perfect compromise!

Eeyoreshouse · 30/08/2019 11:41

Infants and house guests are often not terribly compatible but this is your sister! She sounds a bit young and irresponsible tbh. Next time, just tell her that as your house is so cramped, she needs to take care not to wake the baby and not to get make up on everything. Oh and that a fortnight's stay is far too long!

Are you saying that your parents won't let their own daughter stay in the caravan with them? If so, I'd say it's a bit rich of them to expect you to put her up! I feel a bit sorry for your sister tbh.

Cassilis · 30/08/2019 11:41

Definitely ban her.

Does she every invite you over? I'm guessing not. She sounds like a CF.

Tell her to book a AirBnB next time.

GreekOddess · 30/08/2019 11:41

Your house is not big enough for houseguests.

I've never had a house guest and have never been a house guest either!

thecatsthecats · 30/08/2019 11:51

The most I'd expect kids to be shoved around for as a houseguest would be having older siblings bunk up together for a couple of nights.

If sister wants to visit again, she can book a hotel, or borrow your parents' campervan - if they allow her to!

MummyJasmin · 30/08/2019 11:52

I don't think your sister is intentionally be unreasonable....just very careless and immature.

Drum2018 · 30/08/2019 11:53

I wouldn't have guests to stay in your circumstances. You won't have the space when baby moves to the second room, so it won't be an issue anymore. If anyone asks to stay just tell them you no longer have room - simple.

Usernamewillautodestrustin · 30/08/2019 11:58

Once baby is in her own room this won't be an issue will it? You can just say that now you DD is occupying her own room there is no longer a spare space for anyone to stay...but send a list of local budget hotels should they ever want to come.

I would never give up either of my DD rooms for guests, it is their space and they have a lovely routine that I would not disturb.

OtraCosaMariposa · 30/08/2019 12:01

Just ban your sister.

Normal guests don't behave like this.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/08/2019 12:02

YANBU - it sounds like it's more than just her thoughtlessness that is causing problems. I'd put a temporary ban on houseguests until your baby is older and you don't have such a need for her nursery room.

Your sister was a particularly thoughtless guest - not all will be - but it's not just her messing stuff up, is it - it's the lack of space in general.

negomi90 · 30/08/2019 12:12

Sister problems aside, the bathroom situation alone is a reason to ban houseguests.
What it one of them needs a wee in the middle of the night? Awkward for everyone.

LittleAndOften · 30/08/2019 12:15

In a small setup like yours, I definitely wouldn't have people to stay. I recently had to ask my parents to book an air bnb instead of staying with us as we were having work done, and it actually worked out really well. They still had their meals here. Don't feel bad about it, you have a small home and it's clearly not practical. Your sister needs a kick up the arse too.

CaptainJaneway62 · 30/08/2019 12:19

YANBU!
As other pps have said your your house is not big enough and the layout is not conducive to house guests.
It's your house and your rules so don't feel guilty about any of this.

As for your sister well she is a CF leaving all that mess and not having the decency to clean up after herself.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 30/08/2019 12:20

Totally up to you if anyone stays, and for now long. I wouldn't like houseguests .

Itsnotme123 · 30/08/2019 12:41

Charge her money next time. If she complains, tell her it’s cleaning charges.

Pitch her a tent in the garden.

Put her bed in the loft.

If she doesn’t like any of those ideas then it’s a hotel\bnb for her.

Shoxfordian · 30/08/2019 12:45

Basically sounds like you don't have enough room for guests anyway so yanbu

Swipe left for the next trending thread