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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ban houseguests

44 replies

MADASANOWL · 30/08/2019 11:08

Hello all,
Sorry this is a long one but I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable in banning house guests for the future after the last experience when my sister came to stay.
She lives four hours away with my parents (they bring their caravan when they visit so this ban wouldn’t affect us seeing them) and recently came to stay for just under two weeks.
Firstly this involves us giving up our nursery for her to sleep in, which although our baby is not sleeping in there currently, we have set out as a safe play room for her to crawl around and play with her toys.
This keeps the baby busy so we can have a drink and something to eat whilst watching her without having to constantly pick her up or move things she shouldn’t have every other minute. Without access to this room we struggle to put her down anywhere for any length of time as the rest of our house is quite cramped, making it difficult to keep her entertained and drink a cup of tea whilst it’s hot!
Secondly not only did her visit deprive us of that extra space but on multiple occasions she came breezing in from being out visiting friends in the area and woke the baby up from her naps (she’d then coo over her until she was fully awake again and I’d struggle to get her back down), which irritated me and meant I’ve have an overtired child to contend with.
Finally upon going into the nursery this morning after she had left to deflate the air mattress and tidy up the room ready to start using it again, I found that she’s stained a large patch of our carpet, footstool and the babies play mat (alongside a few other smaller things like towels etc) with a combination of her fake tan and leg foundation (not even sure if this is a real thing but she’s always using the stuff on her legs!). This now means that I’ll have to scrub all the individual tiles of the play mat in the bath, wash and scrub the carpet after tidying and vacuuming to try and remove the stains and set up the room for the baby again.
I’ve now stashed the air mattress in the loft and told my husband I’m fed up of the extra work and we won’t be having people to stay again. Am I being unreasonable and overreacting or is this justified?

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 30/08/2019 12:54

I’d be fuming about the stains she’s left, that’s so rude not to clean up after herself. I think I’d tell her she can’t stay again. Sounds like she was using your place as a base to see her mates? So she can stay with them instead.

CassianAndor · 30/08/2019 12:57

Honestly, who the fuck in real life bans their sister from visiting because she woke the baby and spilt some fake tan?? Christ, no wonder so many people are NC with their relations on MN.

lovemenorca · 30/08/2019 13:16

Not unreasonable at all
Because of course everyone is just like your sister

SimplyBeBlythe · 30/08/2019 13:18

I couldn’t have my best friend to stay for that long, let alone my sister!
Next time just have guests for a weekend or so.

Beautiful3 · 30/08/2019 13:28

You only have two bedrooms and the baby should be in her own room now or shortly. If anyone asks to stay, explain you have no spare rooms. When mine were 3 months old I put them in their own rooms unless they were teething, then they'd come into my bed for cuddles. I wouldn't have dreamed of putting a guest in their room.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 30/08/2019 13:30

I'm a bit confused really.....so the problem with the sister is that she has to sleep in the spare room and other than the fake tan issue happened to wake the baby up/keep her from napping?

I think you're over reacting on all points other than the fake tan.....she obviously isn't around babies much and so doesn't realise the nap timetable issue. Not her fault and you could have kindly said to her "ssh let baby sleep a bit longer"

It's not sisters fault she has to sleep in the spare room - your parents should have thought about the imposition a bit more before all coming down. Does the caravan have 2 beds and your parents are just being precious about having sister bunk in with them?

Banning sister will likely have a negative effect on your relationship - do you want that? It sounds like you've been a bit unwelcoming so far

Barbarafromblackpool · 30/08/2019 13:38

Given your lack of space I probably wouldn't have guests over for a bit. It's especially hard with a baby too when time and space is precious.

billy1966 · 30/08/2019 13:41

No need to fall out despite her being inconsiderate.

Just mention that the baby is going into the spare bedroom and that you will no longer be hosting anyone as you do not have the room.

Complete pita to be moving the baby out of their bedroom, messes with the Baby's routine etc.

Sorted.

Bookworm4 · 30/08/2019 13:46

Is it a MN thing, rocking up and invading relatives for weeks on end? Fake tan is hellish to remove, my DD is now only allowed to apply it in upstairs bathroom: nowhere else!
What age is this pest?

TowelNumber42 · 30/08/2019 13:48

I've damaged things in my sister's house by accident. Without exception I have been mortified, apologised and insisted on replacing / paying for it, even if it was just a mug three wineglasses

I'd be livid at her for doing the damage, not saying anything then just leaving.

Furthermore you don't visit your sister who has a baby for two whole weeks and then fail to completely clean and tidy the room and more. You leave them with less work to do not more work.

Is she young and spoiled? Was she with you for school holidays?

HollowTalk · 30/08/2019 13:50

The caravan is my parents pride and joy and they won’t let anyone else stay in it so that’s not an option for her or others

Well, your house is your pride and joy, so your sister will have to find herself a hotel.

CassianAndor · 30/08/2019 14:07

Bookworm where did the OP say that her family "rocked up and invaded relatives for weeks on end"? I must have missed that.

If family live far away a 2 week visit is nothing unusual.

thecatsthecats · 30/08/2019 14:26

If family live far away a 2 week visit is nothing unusual.

It would be for me, and most others I know, purely from the point of annual leave.

I'd rather see my sister 2-3 times a year for four days than one massive visit.

For the majority of people, sitting at home as part of someone else's domestic routine isn't much of a holiday!

Aprillygirl · 30/08/2019 14:41

Why so dramatic? You must be pretty close to your DS if she's spending two weeks at a time with you, so why don't you try communicating with her? Just a simple "Hey sis, do you mind not making so much noise when you come in, you wake the baby up." And regarding the fake tan "Oi sis you fucker, you made a right mess with that fake tan, took me all morning to scrub baby's room, blah blah blah" It's much better to let people know where they're going wrong rather than stewing and then getting all theatrical surely.

CassianAndor · 30/08/2019 14:50

cats my granny used to come and stay with us for a week or two at a time. She just slotted into our routine, we didn't necessarily do anything special and in fact probably were at school. She was in her 80s so one long visit was less exhausting than several short.

MIL goes to DSIL (abroad) for a month at a time.

There's a child in DD's class who stays with family in his parents' home country for the entire summer holidays.

I could go on...

MyDcAreMarvel · 30/08/2019 15:18

YABU it’s very concerning it’s not safe for your baby to play in the living room.

Original poster

MADASANOWL · 30/08/2019 16:16

My living room is tiny so she gets frustrated as she can’t roll around and crawl on the floor like she can upstairs where she has plenty of space to play, and we have to pick her up every 10 seconds when she makes a bee line for the tv cabinet.
My sister is mid twenties, we see each other pretty much every month at least and my parents were not down at the same time it was just her.
I was feeling a lot more frustrated when I wrote the original post and since she has now messaged to apologise I’m a lot calmer now.
I think with the bathroom location being awkward and general lack of space in the house it was starting to wear on us so the fake tan just tipped me over the edge and I needed a rant.

OP posts:

CassianAndor · 30/08/2019 16:30

Fair enough! I'm sure she'll be better next time and maybe keep visits to a shorter duration for the mo.

billy1966 · 30/08/2019 19:26

You sound like a super sister, doing your best.

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