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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The unfriendly thirties

71 replies

absopugginglutely · 29/08/2019 22:18

Is it me or does life just get really stark and unfriendly when you are in your thirties?
Harder to make friends, loads of responsibilities, work place unfriendliness, school playground with your kids is weird, everyone of your age is busy and stressed which makes them quite self-absorbed. Even family visits just feel like we’re doing the thing you’re meant to tick off. Where’s the joy!?

I’m just feeling like life is a slog which would be okay if I felt a sense of ‘we’re in this together’ from others but I don’t feel this at all, I just feel like life’s become less of an adventure and more of a suck it up buttercup experience.

I have a lovely garden and a fire pit etc. In my twenties I’d have invited people round for a little gathering now by the time I get my toddler in bed and wash up the dishes/ tidy up I’m good for nothing and so it continues.

OP posts:
KellyHall · 29/08/2019 22:21

Sounds like you need a spa day OP.

It's easy to get caught up in the daily slog of being a working parent. It's amazing though how a few hours of me time, rounded off with a glass of bubbly and afternoon tea for one can change one's outlook for the better ;)

letsdolunch321 · 29/08/2019 22:35

Thirties for me were like yours are OP
Robbing Peter to pay Paul, working and mardy kids. It does get better as my dcs got more independent.

StinkyWizleteets · 29/08/2019 22:38

My thirties were for the most part amazing but I didn’t have kids until later. I partied a lot, like a resurgence of my youth. Made loads of friends and had a lot of fun. My forties however have been abit shit.

Scarlett555 · 29/08/2019 22:59

It is a bit stark in some ways but imo a lot better in others. I enjoy being able to afford nice holidays and food from M&S. I also have better sex. I care less about what others think of me and don't have time for friendship group dramas or shit nightclubs.

20s were fun but exhausting, 30s are suiting me just fine.

Original poster
absopugginglutely · 29/08/2019 23:01

Maybe that’s the difference Scarlett, I have no money because me and DH work part time to have our little one so there’s never a break but never any money either.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 29/08/2019 23:04

I’m actually really enjoying being 30. Apart from I looked at a photo of my 25 year old face the other day and cried because how the fuck has it gone so to shit in five years?!

QueenOfWinterfell · 29/08/2019 23:06

I felt the same in my 30s but life started to pick up again in my 40s.

TomHagenMakesMyBosomTremble · 29/08/2019 23:08

I've been told I'll enjoy my 30s. My 20s have been hell, one way or another!

Jade218 · 29/08/2019 23:08

I feel the same OP. And I don't have children lol but everyone else I know pretty much has so feel as though everyone just doing their own thing and everything f has become 'routine'. It sucks

teachermam · 29/08/2019 23:40

I'm in the last year of my 30s
Would do it again

Xmasbaby11 · 29/08/2019 23:47

Hmm I guess it depends when you have kids. I had mine at 35 and 37 so the first half of my thirties were carefree by comparison. I just think life is busier and more structured when you have kids and there's so much less free time, you're bound to be selective about how you spend it. Personally I made many new friends through work and the kids, but I am quite outgoing so I like meeting new people.

Babyroobs · 29/08/2019 23:50

This was true for me. Four kids between the ages of 30 and 40 and life a constant slog. It's not much better now I'm 50 if I'm honest although I do see more of friends and the mortgage is paid off !

sayanythingelse · 30/08/2019 02:13

I know what you mean. I moved over an hour away from my home city last year and I haven't managed to make one single new friend in that space of time!
I think my problem is that both DH and I work full time whilst MIL does childcare. I don't really get to meet other mums and most of my colleagues are young, single people or married men with kids.

I do find it strange and a bit disappointing as I always had a wide circle of friends in my 20's.

Time40 · 30/08/2019 03:34

I know what you mean, OP. But wait until you get to your forties ... that's really shit. And the fifties are really, really, really totally shit.

Sorry, but it's true. I'd go back to my "shit" thirties in a heartbeat. It just gets worse.

Time40 · 30/08/2019 03:40

... oh, take no notice of me; I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm sure life improves for many people after the difficult 30s period.

malificent7 · 30/08/2019 03:45

Meh
..friendship groups are overrated...i am much happier now i have a select few mates with no drama.
I think bringing up kids is the slog bit.

malificent7 · 30/08/2019 03:46

Tbh my 20s were my shit decade as i had an abusive dp and mh issues.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/08/2019 04:06

My 30’s were great. Money, travel, fun. I had dd late 30’s. Then fell chronically ill. Life is hard with young children op. My 40’s have largely been spent in bed. I’m a shell of my former self. Life is what if is.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/08/2019 04:28

It might not be that way forever OP.

My early thirties were marred by miscarriages but now with 2 kids we feel we've "arrived" at the good years, I'm 34.

it's been in our thirties that financial side of things has come together after a lot of hard slog on careers in our 20s. Plus we were the sort of people who breathed a sigh of relief when the social life shifted from frantic nights out in London to chilled barbecues & Sunday brunches and boring dinner parties.

Friends haven't seemed "busy and stressed". For a year or so we were the only ones with a baby which felt odd as we were more limited than they were, but every one quickly followed suit and now it's lovely watching our toddlers play together in the garden!

It's different to our 20s & dont get me wrong, exciting far flung travel has disappeared etc but its definitely not shit.

Beautiful3 · 30/08/2019 04:36

Snap. In my thirties too. Always had friends until I left work to look after baby no 2. Zero friends now.

LoreleiRock · 30/08/2019 04:45

I loved my thirties. I looked exactly the same as my twenties but had loads more confidence.

joystir59 · 30/08/2019 05:53

I truly do not understand why more people don't opt to stay child free and enjoy life. There are so many fulfilling useful and amazing ways to live your life other than raising children!

OhTheRoses · 30/08/2019 06:01

Nope. My 30s were fantastic (except for miscarriages). Married at 30, first baby at 34 so v stable. Had 7 wonderful years off and just loved being a mummy. Also made some of my closest friends through baby group, primary, etc. They were halcyon days.

But then I loved my 20s, 40s and 50s. Perhaps it's a glass half full sort of thing and not wanting a gathering round the fire pit

Monty27 · 30/08/2019 06:11

It's a busy age. Most people are juggling stuff trying to settle down get on the career ladder have babies and acquire somewhere to live.

greentheme23 · 30/08/2019 06:19

Thirties were spent trying to have children and misscarriages. Have two dds now but that was my 30s gone. 50s look better.

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