Not to go to DH family event

[purplesandles]

I need some perspective please. I fear that I may be being irrational.

I work FT and have a 13 month old DS who's currently teething and I am ZONKED. --

DH's great uncle has a family event on Saturday an hour away and DH is insisting that all three of us go. This was sprung on me yesterday, after my DM had offered to have DS overnight and we were going to relax. Now those plans have to be changed so that we can go to this event.

I don't want to go. I'm knackered. I'm having a stressful time and work and want to relax. I've said this to DH, who insists that it's rude not to go as it will 'upset his grandmother'. We don't get a lot of time together just the two of us and wanted to utilise the time that my DM had DS.

I don't like being forced to go to occasions that I don't want to go in fear of upsetting someone. I actually went to another DH family event last Saturday.

I have two days off a week, I think I'm allowed to choose what I do with them.

I also feel like I may be acting like a teenager and that I should suck it up and go to save the peace.

AIBU?

Could he take DS and you stay home with a feigned illness?

I think it would be nice if you went, but also entirely understandable if you decided not to. Maybe cancel your DM babysitting, so that DH can take DS to the event, and book your DM in for next weekend instead!

Who expects other people to be available at short notice and gets the hump if they are not? You have plans already so you can't go. Simple.

Offer to tell his DGM for him that silly DH forgot you have plans so you can't go.

Mind you, if zonked, I would send him with the toddler and stay home with endless crap TV and naps. He can say you are ill. Which you kind of are, if exhausted.

Did your DH only find out about the event the day he told you?

If he's actually known for ages and just omitted to tell you, then he is being unreasonable as it should have been in the diary weeks ago.

Generally I'd be inclined to go just because it's the right thing to do. But if DH has form for springing stuff like this on you last minute, then have a conversation with him about that.

Does he just want you to go so you take care of the toddler while he socialises?

So he doesn't want to upset his grandmother but doesn't mind upsetting you? Think he may have got his priorities wrong on this one, especially as you attended his family event last weekend. Also if this was so important how come you're only hearing of it now?
I'd tell him to go fuck himself. But then I'm not very nice and don't like being made to do shit I don't want to do.

Is there no compromise to be had where you can go to the do for a bit and then have some child-free time afterwards?

Is it a super special event he forgot to tell you about weeks ago?

your dh can go if he likes, but you have prior plans so unfortunately can't make it.

Well, I'd stay at home. Let him take the baby and you have a rest. Your feelings count. By the way, what is a great uncle, I wonder if I have any? It seems far too distant a relative to worry about when you're worn out.

I think it’s quite sad that you won’t go. His grandmother won’t be around forever. Perhaps he could take DS and leave you at home.

Plenty of time of relax when you’re dead, life is for living, go and enjoy yourself, it’s a family event and obviously important to dh. Would you be happy if the roles were reversed and he told you he wasn’t going to your family’s event?

There are sometimes I can’t be arsed doing family things with dh due to the fact there are far too many of them but I’d be hurt if dh decided to not go to one of my family’s special days so I go.

Could he take DS and you stay home with a feigned illness?

This was my first thought too. He can't make you go - enjoy some time to yourself!

Well it can't be an important event like a special birthday as you would have had plenty of warning.
Tell you DH to go with DS.
I would sometimes miss family events when I was a SAHM and fancied some space. DH understood.

Can you swap the days your mum is looking after DS, so you can benefit from the rest another time?
If not I’d be tempted to swerve it on the grounds your knackered but it may ruin family relations for a bit.

YANBU. Send DH with dc. Relax.

YANBU.

When you are older you may realise the importance of 'family'. You get a sense of belonging, with shared memories of long gone events and elderly relatives. Even if you don't meet up again for years the connection can be nice. I say go if you possibly can.

To be honest my point of view would be that you had plans (with each other) and you can’t go. If it’s only just been sprung on you it can’t be that big event and it’s not fair to expect you to just drop your plans with a couple of days notice

Don't go op. Let DH do whatever he wants and dispose of the toddler in whatever way possible

You might not have been able to go because you had plans. Oh wait, you did have plans.
Let him go, let him take the dc, or still take dc to your mum. Stay in bed with a good book

Send DH and DS off to event while you have a duvet day to recover from debilitating fatigue.

By the way, what is a great uncle

The grandmothers brother. The grandmother obviously wants to proudly show her great grandchild off to her sibling.

When you are older you may realise the importance of 'family'. You get a sense of belonging, with shared memories of long gone events and elderly relatives. Even if you don't meet up again for years the connection can be nice. I say go if you possibly can

^this. It’s just one afternoon.

It is not a particularly close relative and it is very short notice so given your circumstances I think it is reasonable to decline the invitation, but let DH go if he really wants to.