To not want other children playing with DDs special Teddy

[FabLaura]

So today we went to a disco held in a local community centre during the day. My daughter (9 months) and I were dancing with her special teddy and one family (Mum, Dad, daughter & son) all came over and asked if son could play with Teddy. I was taken back but before I could think of a polite way to say no; it's her special ted, the mum took ted and said 'that's nice sharing'. I wanted to go WTF! But just smiled, argh! He played with ted while my poor daughter watched on with me saying to the boy, 'one last time' about a million times before we could escape. Is this normal??? Of course, special ted won't come out again but am I the old one or are they?

I think you are being precious. A 9 month old would give zero fucks about this, so you are projecting.

Having said that, it's downright bizarre that a family would ask to play with an infant's toy so I'm a bit puzzled about the whole thing.

Yanbu, they are weird. I generally think that the best way is to always have the rule that if you’re playing with a toy at a group or with friends etc then it’s for sharing, but there’s a big difference between a toddler taking something special to a playgroup, or getting it out at home and refusing to share with a friend, and a baby being carried with their special item.

My dd is almost 16 and her special cuddly was her comforter from being a baby and she has yet to share it!

Very strange to approach a baby and ask for a go of it’s teddy bear 🤪Unbelievably so, in fact. Were there communal toys in the centre?

Stranger still to allow it...

I'm normally hugely laid back about such things but I would be raging (DS is 15 now so it doesn't ever really come up!)

As an aside, DS's teddy has just climbed a very high mountain hidden in the inner pocket of DS's rucksack

Yeah, I wouldn't bring things out that are considered "special". No offense but your baby won't care at all that other kids are playing with their toy at that age tbh. But taking it out of your hand is rude. How old was the kid?

Woman was beyond rude I'd never ever take another child's toy off them or even expect my children to be able to have another child's toy without consent etc but I do agree that maybe from now on any precious toys stay at home or only brought out where you know other children aren't going to be at

That’s odd, I have 4 dc and the oldest was 18 when youngest was born so have seen some odd parent behaviour over the years but I think this would have had me gobsmacked

Once mine were old enough to understand we didn’t take things out in public if they didn’t want to share them, at home comfort teddy was put away if children came round

I can’t imagine ever going up to someone though and asking for something that a child/baby was playing with regardless of it being a personal toy or owned by the centre

It was odd. Why did they all feel the need to come over together?! Bit intimidating! Next time just say " no, it's the baby's favourite teddy, she'll cry if you play with it and hold onto it tightly."

Weird and pushy behaviour by her. Plus I hate the notion that if a child is playing with something, they have to relinquish it to another child because they said they want it. That isn't sharing as I understand it.

My DCs each have 1 soft toy which they never, ever have to share. Absolutely everything else is communal and we never have problems.

If a child has a transitional object it is important for them not to have it taken away from them or to be forced to share it.

Unfortunately i wouldnt take it out if it's special

One of my dc put theirs inside a shop toy
Another dc took one to playgroup and left it around and another kid became attached to it.

It does sound strange (maybe some SN involved?) depends on age of the child.
Also it might depend on the toy - if it's a tv character etc you moght expect interest from other kids.
Sharing is a very odd one.

Should have told the mother sharing is giving it over willingly, that was snatching so no dd will not share her special teddy because sorry little boy your mummy does not know what sharing is. Snatching off a baby I would of punched her.

So fucking weird of them to ask. You don’t take a 9 month old baby’s toy from her, she doesn’t have a clue about sharing at that age. Bizarre.

treacherous Dd’s has completed its bronze & silver Duke of Edinburgh expeditions. Another occasion he was spotted at a residential event where few teenagers, including dd, knew more than one or two others. The immediate response was a reasonable number unearthing similar things, or lamenting the fact they hadn’t brought it because they didn’t want to be found out. Not the ridicule you might expect from a group of hardcore outdoorsy teens.

How bizarre! Also I find it a bit weird you had the teddy at a disco when dancing BUT that's probably because mine have never had comforters (apart from being permanently attached to my boobs). I don't normally see babies clinging on to teddies but dummies are commonplace so imagine it's the same sentiment. And maybe dd was a bit unsure of the noise etc.

Like pps have said maybe don't take it out now or keep it under the pram unless dd needs it to go to sleep etc.

Hope you still had a lovely time! Did you get it back?

My BIL's teddy has been to Monte Carlo and up the rock of Gibraltar, as well as touring Canada.

These stories always baffle me, who thinks it’s appropriate to take a toy belonging to another child, especially a baby.

trainspotting I'm a scout leader and it's surprisingly common to see them tucked proudly in sleeping bags at almost every age.

DS's is actually better travelled than DH and I come to think of it

Oh dear, she caught you on the back foot, aye! They’re weird, defo!

I'm 36 and have a special Teddy. Lives in my bed! My wife (stbx - unrelated - I think) has had to accept it. He's never left the house. My son 6yo has a special Teddy. He's never "come out with us" he does go on holiday, but definitely no where other people would have access. I'd personally say that the term special teddy and "disco" are simply incompatible. It might be her comforter, but you accept that risk every day you take it out. Sorry to sound harsh, but you you shouldn't be allowing your child to take something of sentimental value to a children's (or other) environment if you don't expect others to be interested.

Our Cubs and Scouts all have to bring a bear or similar to camp. That way the ones who need them can bring them without comment.

How big was this "special teddy"

Sorry that's plain CFery by the other mum

You wouldn't go up to an adult and be like "Can I borrow your coat" and then just take their coat

"I need your phone" and grab a randomers phone. We can see this is completely ridiculous bejaviour, why is it so different with DC?

DC should be able to take their teddy to a disco and not have to share it with random children. Sharing applies to communal things, and things DC want to share. But they are within their rights not to share their personal possessions with random DC just because the random DC want them.

I can believe this. I once had an entire family squeeze on our little table for lunch just because their toddler wanted to sit next to my kid. We just went along with it! Still makes us laugh though. The idea of us all squeezed on their being too polite to tell them to get lost!

Treacherous Same here, dd’s has been everywhere. I’m just glad she’s past the age where I have to physically attach him to her in an airport or anywhere he could come to harm, because life wouldn’t have been worth living if he’d ever been lost on his adventures!

Bertrand that’s a really lovely idea.

Dd was in hospital once years ago on a ward with other girls who were all primary age except one girl of 16 or 17, all in for minor routine stuff. And although she was lovely was naturally more interested in her teen mates visiting than wanting to play games or get comfort from Mummy and Daddy. Until about 20 minutes before she went for surgery and Mum reappeared in a manic rush with a clearly well loved old toy which her cool, mature dd almost ripped out of her hands.