Second Wedding and Gifts

[Kitty1184]

My DP and I are getting married next summer. We are having a small wedding with 20 guests (mostly family), followed by a big party that evening.

I was married 9 years ago, obviously now divorced. This is DP's first marriage. Around three quarters of my guests would have been at my first wedding, and would have given us a gift (we asked for dollars towards our honeymoon).

We own our home and have no reason to ask for any home stuff, so again a gift of money towards our honeymoon would be preferable.

I'm sure that DP's family and friends and those at our wedding and wedding breakfast would be happy to contribute, but I'm worried about asking for that from people who have not only previously given me a wedding gift, but are also only invited to the party in the evening. It just seems dead cheeky to me.

Am I over thinking this / being mental? DP and I can't agree.

Trust your instincts. You are right that evening guests shouldn’t be asked for a gift.

It is pretty cheeky to solicit wedding gifts from the same people for a second wedding. However, many would want to give a gift regardless.

Just don’t put it anywhere near your invitations, and spread by word of mouth that you would prefer money towards your honeymoon. Maybe even do different things with the different sides of the family is you are in disagreement?

Sorry IF you are in disagreement!

If I went to a wedding where the bride/groom had been married previously and lived together, I would just assume money would be preferable anyway, and I think many others would.

I wouldn't personally ask for anything - I think it comes across as grabby, especially when guests will have already contributed to your first honeymoon 🤷‍♀️

Hi there, OP, we''ll be moving this one over to AIBU shortly.

Invited guests expect to give a gift of some sort but I'm not sure I would feel inclined to give an overly generous one If I went to your first wedding given that is been less than 10 years between the two

I wouldn't actively ask for gifts. If guests ask, you can tell them you'd prefer cash but especially for evening guests, it's poor form to put it in the invitations

I really wouldn’t ask for gifts because it’s a second wedding, people have already given on your side, I especially wouldn’t ask evening guest for money! I think most people will gift you money or vouchers anyway!

My understanding is that you don't ask for gifts for a second wedding.
I suspect that people will give you something if they are coming to the day event and maybe a card and a smaller something if the evening.

I would not ask for gifts.

Dont ask for anything. Especially not from evening guests!

If (IF) people ask then you can say money towards the honeymoon

I would simply put on the invites 'No presents, just your presence please'
If people decide then to buy/contribute something then that's up to them.
Enjoy your special day x

I was in the same position as you when I got married for the second time 2 years ago we chose not to make any mention of gifts in our invitations and left it for our guests to decide. Nearly everyone who attended gave us a gift mostly cash, currency or vouchers we got a few token things like photo frames, bubbly etc but nothing hideous or horrific and truth be told I was overwhelmed with how fortunate we were and was very gracious in the thank you notes that I sent out as soon as we returned from honeymoon.

Don’t mention gifts on your invitations!

I think you need to be clear either way. We had a very small wedding, we already had four kids between us and didn’t want presents. We still got them because I just verbally said ‘we don’t need gifts we’ve been together an age’.

I like @Livebythecoast suggestion, ‘No presents, just your presence’.

I wouldn't mention anything about presents at all in the invitations. It's up to the guests then what they want to give you.

Thanks everyone. I totally thought it was bad form to ask for a second wedding, never mind evening do, but DP thinks otherwise (rightfully, it's his first and hopefully only wedding and he should get gifts!)

I think not asking and only requesting upon request is the right thing to do :)

@TheArtfulScreamer1 I like this and hope we are equally overwhelmed by kind and spontaneous gifts

The thing with not mentioning gifts at all, is that people feel obliged.