am i being a cheeky fucker?

[detectivebird]

we've just had our back garden fence done last week. we informed neighbours on both sides (garden is three-sided, so the left and right sides are facing into their gardens iyswim). we didn't expect them to offer any money to split the cost and indeed they didn't.

turns out when the fencers were here, both neighbours arranged for their back gardens to also be fenced on the remaining sides. it's being done this week. so we've paid for a side each for them!

dp and my mum reckons we should ask them for a contribution but this feels really cheeky to me. am i just being a scaredy-cat?

I think YABU sorry op.

It makes sense if they have a new fence at one side, which they didn't ask for, that they make all sides the same.

@Idontwanttotalk nope, i didn't want them to pay for half each which is why i didn't ask at the time (i'm not a complete moron despite what some pp seem to think). i know it's too late to ask for a contribution. my wish is that they would have let me know they were planning to also redo their fencing at more or less exactly the same time and with the same company we used, so we could have shared the cost. as it stands ive paid for the lions share. but i KNOW i am being unreasonable and shouldn't have expected any different.

jade9390 you're missing the point as i was happy to pay irrespective

No you are ‘missing the point!’

If you were genuinely ‘happy to pay’ you wouldn’t be whinging about it now! & claiming superior morals!!

You wanted them, you paid for them - you got exactly what you wanted., there’s nothing beyond that!

The fact they’ve paid for the remainder of their gardens to be fenced is completely irrelevant.

and i've accepted everyone's points and won't be mentioning a contribution 🤷🏻‍♀️ @IncrediblySadToo

i'll be changing my name to 'yesiknowiambeingunreasonable' before you know it

I know you said you didn't want money at the time...so just be happy that you have the fencing you wanted. You need to stop banging on about it on here because you are talking about how you could have saved money.....and you haven't even checked your deeds anyway which is unreasonable.

Your NDNs don't have to tell you any of their plans. I probably wouldn't have told you if I'd planned to do mine soon...just because I am quite private in that respect and it wouldn't occur to me (and in case I wanted different fencer/fencing).

We are all just going over and over it now, unnecessarily.

Ask the fencing company for some retrospective discount.

They have sold two full sets of fencing and two part sets of fencing on the back of your order. If they won't give you any cash and you want some additional work done, (garden shed, pergola etc) then see what discount they will now give you.

Gets your cash back either way and avoids pissing off the neighbours!

Your NDNs don't have to tell you any of their plans. I probably wouldn't have told you if I'd planned to do mine soon...just because I am quite private in that respect and it wouldn't occur to me (and in case I wanted different fencer/fencing).

Are you serious?
So in the OPs situation, if you NDN comes to you and says they would like to do the fence, you just keep quite and wait until it's all done and paid for, and then do yours?

Ask the fencing company for some retrospective discount.

This actually made me laugh out loud!

It's shared fences I'm assuming? If you didn't ask them in advance regarding the fencing and paying half the costs. As you're entitled to ask. Then I dont blame them for taking the free fence and them finishing off their own. If you asked and they said no- then yes, CF.

Thank you very much for the diagram, @detectivebird. I enjoyed the two colours . Very easy to understand now.

I think you've paid for one panel that isn't even your responsibility... traditionally the panels to the left are

and i've accepted everyone's points and won't be mentioning a contribution 🤷🏻‍♀️ @IncrediblySadToo**

Yes, I read the thread. But you’re still whinging and slating them You don’t seem to acknowledge that they’ve not done anything wrong & that they're not ‘grabby’ simply to let you do what you asked if you could do, then matched the rest of their fences to them.

You paid for 3 instead of 2 through your own choice. Nothing credible to whinge about.

I know they weee old and not matching before, but the new fences would make the old ones look like a right mess

They’ve each paid to tidy up their gardens and it doesn’t affect you at all.

You being annoyed they didn’t

okay @IncrediblySadToo

If you are just paying for what you originally planned and they are paying for additional work then you would be a CF to ask for them to contribute to what you had originally planned to pay for yourself

I can see why it’s a bit annoying for you though

I don’t mean to pile in @detectivebird but I think YABU but for maybe different reasons to some others.

You wrote: “they've benefited from my fencing which backs onto their gardens so have saved a chunk of cash??”

Does this really irritate? Emotionally? I’m more curious than anything, because it reminds me so much of things I’ve read here. I’ve seen the same sort of expression of annoyance when people raise P&C spaces, or discuss seats on trains for pregnancy, or splitting bills equally at group dinners.

It’s the fear that someone else will potentially benefit from something which I could have had therefore either I take it away, or occupy it, ask for money, or do away with the idea.

Why not think of the ways you’ve benefited here?!

You’ve:

• Been able to choose the exact fencing you want, which is now matched by your neighbours creating aesthetic harmony so to speak.

• You’ve instigated this and been the early adopter. Therefore you've controlled the project, and would have had exactly what you wanted, irrespective of if they had changed or not

Ignore their existence and what they do. It’s your house, you did great - enjoy your fence.

@GinDaddy that's a very commendable way of looking at the situation and a good perspective. thank you.

Its too late mate. They probably would not have thought of having the work done if you had not changed the fencing - maybe it made their old stuff look out of place - I would assume no malice or cheeky fuckery was involved. I don't think you can ask for a contribution now.

Yabu it's none of your business. It was your choice.

The only question you need to ask is "did the fence need doing for both our benefits, or was I just wanting it for aesthetics / vanity / additional reasons?".

Of the fence clearly needed doing they should offer a contribution, if you're doing it solely because you want to for the above reasons then consider it a home improvement.

I've never asked a neighbour for fence contributions, but I have been asked and although I did ultimately contribute but initially declined as I was happy with thr current fence. Only when they mentioned it would be twice the height (3ft to 6ft) was I more happy to contribute.

my wish is that they would have let me know they were planning to also redo their fencing at more or less exactly the same time and with the same company we used, so we could have shared the cost. as it stands ive paid for the lions share

Clearly they weren't op. They have made a decision after you made yours, as it didn't impact you, why should they tell you. You told them because it impacted them. Them then subsequently deciding to just complete the job is none of your business.

You seem to have the inexplicable logic of you were happy to pay as long as no one else did their fence and only you benefitted.

OP please stop thinking you have saved your neighbours a chunk of cash. You have not.

Each neighbour has paid exactly what they should with your terrace scenario - one side and a back each. This is what you also would have paid if you'd known you needed to check ownership before arranging the work.

If you had asked them to contribute afterwards (and I know you have decided not to) they would be paying more than they should in this terrace scenario. Yes the three of you would be paying equally, but they would be paying more than they should because of your mistake. You have not saved them any money.

Do the neighbours actually realise that you paid for three sides? It may be that neighbour A thinks you paid for your left side and back whilst neighbour B thinks you paid for your right side and back?

Even if they are aware, as explained above you have not actually save them any money from what they should expect to pay in a standard terrace situation with as described in your diagram (assuming they also have neighbours on their other sides - you said others in the row had fencing done too).

Just wanted to try and explain that they have not saved money or been grabby or cf, they have paid exactly what they would expect to. It's the kind of thing that could cause resentment on your part if you continued feeling that you had saved them money. Although I know you said you will focus on enjoying the fence you were prepared to pay for so maybe these points are better passed on to your DP as they were the one originally wanting to ask for a contribution and may continue to feel resentment if they mistakenly believe they have saved the neighbours a chunk of cash.

you have not actually save them any money from what they should expect to pay in a standard terrace situation with as described in your diagram

this makes perfect sense to me thank you @DustyDood thank you for the detailed explanation as i hadn't thought of it that way.

as you say i'll be focusing on enjoying the garden and won't it fester.

thanks again

No problem @detectivebird glad that helped.

Enjoy the last of this summer in your hammock surrounded by that super snazzy fence!

Fences usually have a neat side which I presume is facing into your garden? So yes, you should pay for those 3 fences.