To sack off wedding

[ElleDriver]

I'm in the planning stages of my wedding for (hopefully) next year. Had previously always wanted the traditional big day with everyone there. However I am finding it really expensive and stressful to sort. I had picked 5 bridesmaids - three of whom are now pregnant and due around planned wedding time, one of which being an absolute nightmare about everything. Other friends who have wound me up in other ways. Two recent family deaths whose presence would be sorely missed at a traditional wedding.

Aibu to just think fuck it and bugger off somewhere (maybe abroad) with just dp and ds to avoid having to pay loads of money essentially just to feed people for a day. I can't decide if I will always regret not spending the day with the people I love or whether the stress of planning it all will just overwhelm me and spoil it all...

Small wedding abroad sounds good. You could always do an evening "party" on your return which would only require buffet food and a band rather than a sit down meal, speeches, bridesmaids etc.

I'd sack it off in a heartbeat. Use the money for something else.

I've told the story on here before of my aunt and uncle who nipped out at lunchtime to tie the knot and went back to afternoon lectures as man and wife, when they were both at college, the beginning of forty+ years of happy marriage. A rather drastic way of avoiding the huge fuss which they decided they didn't want, but......
Had you considered an "elopement", followed by a gathering when you return, where you can celebrate with nearest and dearest without the pressure of a big ceremony?
Had you further considered that, if you express your intention to sack off the wedding, people beginning to show nightmare tendencies might wind their necks in a bit!

We had a small wedding due to deaths in the family.

It was so so great. I worried before the day it would be a bit shit, and that friends would compare my day to theirs. But I remember their days for the wrong reasons - the food was awful, the day revolves around photos and so there was no atmosphere, family dramas and even selfishly - I felt left out of the traditional weddings of friends I considered close.

By going small it will seem like everyone will be pissed off but aciallyit means everyone ‘misses’ out so no one does? Get some lovely photos and make it YOUR day. No one really cares about your wedding like you do. They are too expensive and too stressful these days

Get married in Vegas - Little White wedding chapel. 😘

Funnily enough we are hoping to go to west coast America at some point next year. Vegas wasn't on the agenda but it would be really easy just to fly there and get married. Probably wouldn't even bother telling anyone until after it's done.

I just don't want to regret not having important people there afterwards. It's a day you always look back on and there are some people that I'd really love to celebrate with. Unfortunately there are also a lot who wind me up and expect a lot.

We booked a holiday with friends and then decided to get married while there - my 2nd marriage, husband’s 1st. Arrangements all taken care of by travel agents and one morning having to attend to all paperwork.
Day itself
morning spent on beach 🏖
lunch with cocktails on beach
hour before went and got ready
married while stood in the sea
champagne, cocktails and dinner to finish

Stress free, told everyone when we returned and had no moans, complaints only congratulations

Already told all my children definitely the way to go as marriage is about them and whoever their future wife/husband will be and they would definitely get no hassle from me if that’s what they decided

I did love my big wedding, but the Gretna Green packages appealed to me as well, can have a small number of guests if you wish and it is all laid on for you!

I had a big wedding, mainly due to what my parents wanted (and they paid for it). Don't get me wrong, I loved it and look back on it with nothing but fondness but I wouldn't do it if I had my time again. I would absolutely 100% sack it off in your shoes.

We got married abroad in the end to try and avoid the costs and politics of the traditional big white wedding and it was honestly the best decision we ever made. I tell everyone to get married abroad now.

I would hope to attend my own children's weddings even if that meant flying out somewhere but I do think TheRealMrsGrissom's wedding sounds lovely.

We had a small wedding 20 years ago, just parents, siblings, a few mates for both the day and the evening. 30 people in total.

But the stress of expectations by my ILs to invite their friends who had emigrated 20 years ago and Dh hadn't seen since, other extended family members I had never met and Dh hadn't seen in years, pressuring me to have my SIL as bridesmaid (met her about 3 times due to geography) etc was awful. My own Mum suggested we just elope despite desperately wanting to be at my wedding.

Sack it off, get married in the US and come back, tell everyone and then have a party. If you tell people beforehand they can express an opinion and ruin it. If you do it after the event, no-one can spoil it.

Your wedding your choice.
And ignore if people are negative about your choice of venue.
However you do it have a fabulous day and life.

We have just got married last week: just the two of us and 2 close friends as witnesses. Both of our families and friends would have loved to come to our wedding but it would have been way too stressful for us. We don't really enjoy large social gatherings.
We really had the time our life and because we didn't spend money on a huge wedding we managed to do everything the way we wanted!
For example: I didn't pay a fortune for a wedding dress (never seen myself wearing one anyway) but I've bought for myself a very expensive pair of designer shoes. I can still wear the shoes...the wedding dress...no ROI involved ;)

This moment should only be about you and your partner!

I wish we’d gone abroad.

We very nearly ditched everything and went abroad as our wedding venue went bankrupt a month before our wedding. But we found another and I’m so glad we did. My mum passed away a few years after we got married and I’m so glad she was there. She gave me away and gave a speech, and I really treasure the photos and video of us together at my wedding. That’s just me, but I would have regretted not having her there as things turned out.

Go abroad.

No pressure to have all the hoopla a 'home' wedding has , no matter how small and register office based.

No expensive pointless flowers, no dick head photographer charging stupid amounts for basic photos, no complaining or grumbling relatives, no reception venue taking the piss price wise just because it's a wedding...I could go on.

Oh..and no need for the clusterfucks that are hen and stag do's.

We married abroad.
It was absolute bliss.

I believe some chapels in Vegas let you live stream the wedding, so you could let people watch from home.

I wanted to run off somewhere sunny and DH wanted the big party with all out friends and family. We did the big bash and it was great, but is still go abroad on our own if we could do it over. The politics involved with various family members and the logistics and stress of organising took a lot out of both of usable I don’t look back on it as an incredible day to be cherished for evermore etc etc blah blah blah.

Thanks there's certainly a lot to think about!
Unfortunately I'm not good with stress and I'm shit at organising things. And I do believe that the organisation required for pulling off a good wedding would probably cause me serious anxiety. The absolute dream wedding I want is beyond budget anyway and the amount of people being hard work already is ridiculous.

I want the dream day but I think it's going to be too much of a nightmare planning it! So I'm leaning towards an elopement wedding and big party once we're home. Probably just announce it on fb once it's done so people can have their grumbles and bitches before I fly home lol.

Do it!! Vegas would be amazing!

Another one saying elope! Why not have a splendid time to yourselves, save money, not have the stress and just have a lovely party on return with no wedding premium with your family and good friends.

I had a small wedding with immediate family only telling no one else and we have never regretted it.

People I worked with went on holiday with parents and siblings only. At the end of the first week, they got married; the families then flew home and left the couple to the second week as honeymoon. It seems a great way to do it to me.

If you cancel the wedding plans so far and go to the US I think people will guess what you're up to, but what the hell? I loved my fairly simple wedding day but in hindsight there was no need to include all the people I thought were my nearest and dearest. I'd ditch all extended family Inna heartbeat now to please ourselves.