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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know which to do?

53 replies

catgirl1976 · 28/08/2019 20:50

Its my DMs 70th birthday next weekend

I am paying for a party in a naice hotel for 50 guests with food plus cake, balloons etc and I'm pretty much up to over my budget

I haven't done anything about drinks and I'm a bit eeek about spending anymore money. I cannot afford wine for the tables but am considering some other options

I am feeding people but would you expect at a birthday party

a) a drink on arrival
b) drink for toast
c) both
d) nothing - there is food and tea and coffee and you'd be happy to pay for your own booze

I don't want to make a terrible faux pas but I really have spent a fortune already

Would you judge if there was no booze and if I went for one option (and skinted myself) for drink what would be the most hospitable?

OP posts:
ApocalypseNowt · 28/08/2019 20:52

Is there any other close family members you could ask to chip in or would you be allowed to bring your own and just pay corkage?

If not I'd vote for drink on arrival!

IAskTooManyQuestions · 28/08/2019 20:53

D, I think is perfectly adequate

WaterSheep · 28/08/2019 20:54

I think it depends what type of food you're talking about. Is it a buffet or a sit down meal?

For a buffet I would just expect soft drinks and the option to buy from a bar, but for a sit down meal I would think a drink would be included.

Although this will differ wildly between posters, so perhaps think back to previous family events and go with the status quo.

formerbabe · 28/08/2019 20:55

Drink on arrival is preferable.

If you can't do that, I wouldn't worry.

I'd be absolutely fine to buy my own drinks.

Onlythelonelywelcome · 28/08/2019 20:55

I wouldn’t expect drink to be provided and would be happy with food.
It’s only on mn where I have seen people expecting a free bar.

So no judgment here , I’d happily buy my own drink

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 28/08/2019 20:56

I could ask about corkage that's a good idea although I'm not sure they would accomodate it

There is one person I could ask but I feel awkward and have dropped a few hints with no biting.

I'll ask about corkage and find out how much as glass of fizz on arrival would be. There are a number of children among the guests so that might bring the cost down as they would just have orange juice or similar

I want to go for D and not spend anymore but I am worried people would think it rude

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 28/08/2019 20:57

it's a lunch time rather than an evening event if that makes a difference

OP posts:
LordEmsworth · 28/08/2019 20:57

"What would be most hospitable" is entirely different to what would be acceptable.

If I go to a party of any kind, I assume I'll be buying my own drinks and if the host has laid some on then I will be grateful. I think D is absolutely fine and wouldn't worry about it at all.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 28/08/2019 20:58

Oh and its a buffet but a nice one if that makes sense. Tartlets and fish goujons etc that sort of thing

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 28/08/2019 20:58

And pudding and tea and coffee

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 28/08/2019 20:58

Incall honesty I'd expect nothing but be delighted at a glass of fizz on arrival...I second the corkage idea.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 28/08/2019 20:58

Lots of votes for d which is making me feel better :)

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 28/08/2019 21:00

D. Honestly; you're providing so much, people can buy their own alcohol. They may not fancy much at lunchtime anyway.

Corkage is an idea; but recently it seems to have shot up to be more than the cost of the wine per bottle Confused

Waveysnail · 28/08/2019 21:01

Buffet with tea and coffee is fine. People can buy their own drinks. Just pass it around the family before that its tea and coffee and juice with bar if people want to buy a drink so everyone brings money

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 28/08/2019 21:01

I feel better about no drink. And I think a lot will be driving too

OP posts:
Cryalot2 · 28/08/2019 21:01

Most definitely D .
You have done more than enough .

OrangeJustice · 28/08/2019 21:03

Option D is fine especially for a lunchtime do for an Aged P.

MsVestibule · 28/08/2019 21:04

I'd be fine with D. A decent buffet and hot drinks is more than acceptable for a birthday lunch!

Mumatoo · 28/08/2019 21:11

I was going to say bring your own for a toast but as it’s lunch time I think D is absolutely fine.
Tell your relative that you’re at maximum budget so no drinks but that they’re welcome to organise drinks for a toast if they would like.

FrangipaniBlue · 28/08/2019 21:16

It's a birthday party not a wedding, definitely D!!

Bloatstoat · 28/08/2019 21:18

Another vote for D.
At our wedding (which I know is completely different from a birthday!) we had a buffet and a free bar. I lost count if the number of people who came up to me to say how surprised they were to have a free bar having tried to pay for drinks! So in my experience people don't expect it even at a wedding. Lunchtime buffet with tea/coffee sounds great, what a lovely thing to do for your mum Smile

FawnDrench · 28/08/2019 21:19

Definitely D - even more so as it's a lunchtime do.

LizzieSiddal · 28/08/2019 21:20

Absolutely D.

You’ve provided enough, if people want alcohol they can buy it.

Onlythelonelywelcome · 28/08/2019 21:22

D is acceptable at any occasion. The only people who think otherwise are freeloaders

edwinbear · 28/08/2019 21:24

d) is absolutely fine. People expect to buy their own drinks at a party. You’ve provided the venue & food, it’s fine for guests to buy their own drinks.