Why do people say things!

[Lauralaaaa]

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable but I’ve noticed people say this kind of thing, on social media and such.

When people for example, have been in an accident and are told by the doctors they can no longer walk, and then thankfully, they recover.

They then on to say: Screw you Doctor I can walk, or you were all against me but I’ve proved everyone wrong, anything along those lines.

It really annoys me because the doctor is only trying to be honest and show them the most likely medical scenario. I can bet they said you are very likely to not walk again/see again etc, to not get there hopes up as it as more likely to go the other way,

Obviously it is amazing they are cured, but just because the doctor says you won’t, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you to!

So AIBU To not understand why people would think this way about people who were trying to help them?

Was meant to be a question mark in the title 😂

I know what you mean. My mother is like this. She takes great delight in these types of stories and "showing people" She still does it with the doctors today who saved my sister's life when she was in a coma for weeks. She still seems to think the doctors wished my sister ill even though they were working round the clock to save her life. But then my mother is a very strange woman - seems to think the whole world is against her and seems to be in a constant battle with everyone, but most especially the medical profession for some reason.

I've never experienced this. My friends who have experienced poor health and then recovered are very grateful to the clinicians that helped them, even the ones that had to give bad news.

Perhaps time to think about who you are friends with?

I think sometimes people need to imagine they are fighting a war to give themselves the strength to overcome their difficulties. I have read some amazing stories of recovery and people learning to do things with their non-dominant hands or even their feet. It amazes me and I doubt I'd be capable of the same strength and courage.

I have two chronic illnesses myself, but that's different for me. On the other hand, I truly believe the doctors have my best interests at heart. There are a lot of Big Pharma conspiracy theorists out there too of course.

There is the joke (in very bad taste) of the patient who came into to see the doctor and said, "You told me two years ago to this day that I had two years to live! I'm suing you because you were wrong!".

"Oh dear. So you'll sue me if you don't die today because that would mean I was wrong?" says the doctor. Getting his gun out...

Sometimes people mishear because they're scared. Sometimes they don't understand statistics (I know I find them difficult).

There's s case for recording all medical consultations, imo, to check back to what exactly was said.

I think it’s more that they are trying to be positive about it and it’s their way of supporting them.

Similar to the numerous posts and threads from women approaching 40 and beyond about difficulty conceiving. It might be factually correct to reply with yeah, you quite likely won’t because of stats/ what the Hcps have told you. But of course few people would be that cruel. Instead there are understandably loads of posts from people that did beat the odds.

I don't think it's a case of people thinking that the doctor wished them ill, or didn't want to help them. I think it's that the doctors, having seen many people in similar positions, gave them the most likely outcome but underestimated their mental strength which perhaps led to a level of recovery that most patients wouldn't have achieved. I'd guess that applies more to catastrophic injuries though, rather than illnesses. And it doesn't mean that people who fail to recover as well haven't tried, just that some people have an incredible level of mental strength that allows them to push through when others can go no further. Whereas most of us (and I include myself in this) would be more likely to follow the typical trajectory.

Thank you, they are very interesting points!
@augustagain I’m glad to hear your sister recovered and it’s interesting to hear what your mums reaction was! The fact people see it as a war and go in to battle can definitely be a positive thing like you’ve said. Thank you 😊

@NoBaggyPants that’s very good that everyone has a better attitude to it than the people around me, you might be right

@LaMarschallin I haven’t heard that joke before but thank you that just highlights how some people do feel, that’s not a bad idea about recordings, I’m sure some people would take a lot of issues with it though.

@TrainspottingWelsh that might be true about supporting people, but I feel if I was trying to support someone I wouldn’t say yes the doctor was wrong haha, I’d be like that’s fantastic you have recovered after all the odds.

thoughts and prayers

@isabellerossignol that’s a very interesting take on it, I like the thought of mental strength allowing people to push through, but I suppose the doctors don’t want to give false hope.

See also “teachers told me I’d never amount to anything!” - yes, they probably told you you’d not go far carrying on like an idiot/doing no work/lazing around. Doing well won’t make them feel bad because they were wrong - they’d probably be delighted at your eventual success!

@Lauralaaaa Thank you Though my sister will never be well enough to live alone or anything like that, she has recovered as well as we could expect. A few problems remain, but I can still enjoy the same lovely chats with her as before. X

Michaelbaubles Yes, I've met a few of those too

It’s ego really.

@Michaelbaubles Yess!!! That one really annoys me as well! Anything like it really.

@augustagain I’m happy you can still have your lovely chats, wish you both well x

I feel the same about the cancer adverts. And about 'beating cancer'

It's like saying the people who die from it (my dad for example), just never tried hard enough to 'beat' it or never fought hard enough.

I did get a grinning "fuck you" moment when I got my A-Level results and did much better than my teacher predicted in a particular subject, but it annoyed me that he will have got the credit, rather than my tutor who had to rebuild my confidence after the teacher publicly destroyed it. Fair play to my lovely teachers in another subject where I also did better than expected. I worked bloody hard in all subjects and there was just that one teacher who dismissed genuine difficulties and was rather unpleasant about it all.

But generally where a professional has given their best estimate with the information avaliable, YANBU.

I hasten to add, I never swore at the teacher or indeed crossed paths with him again, but I did think it. Social media wasn't a thing back then!

I suppose the doctors don’t want to give false hope.

I'm sure that's a big part of it, along with only being able to use statistical likelihoods as a factual guide.

And maybe "mental strength" may make a difference but there isn't a mental-strengthometer yet so it can't be factored in.

I'm not convinced myself that it makes much of a difference but I could easily be wrong.
It just seems something else for a severely ill person to feel sad about: "If only I had the mental strength..."

It just seems something else for a severely ill person to feel sad about: "If only I had the mental strength..."

Yes, even as I was typing it I knew it had the potential to be hurtful because I certainly don't think that someone who is eg paralysed after an accident is only paralysed because they haven't tried hard enough not to be.

But I think some people do have an extra 'something'. The sort of people who aren't content to just learn to walk again but want to run the London Marathon as well.

@isabellerossignol

Sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry about saying that. Although I do know people who have berated themselves for not battling on enough.

Just to say that there's no way yet of measuring mental strength or that extra something.
So it can't be taken into account when giving a prognosis.

I'm sure HCP professionals are really pleased if someone beats the odds.

And perhaps can't understand why someone who does beat the odds is a bit "Screw you doctor" as the OP mentioned.

People can only work with the facts available.

Just to say that there's no way yet of measuring mental strength or that extra something.
So it can't be taken into account when giving a prognosis.

I definitely agree with you on that.

Mental strength only makes any physical difference when it’s medically possible to start with. So yes, forcing yourself to continue with painful or difficult exercises, whether mentally or physically ill on the recommendation of professionals does take will power.

But no amount of mental strength changes physical facts, and I’m with positive on the cancer campaigns.

I think people desperately try to find hope in poor situations so they say silly things. My friend’s son has autism and one woman tried to tell her she could ‘cure’ it with a gluten free diet .

So yes, forcing yourself to continue with painful or difficult exercises, whether mentally or physically ill on the recommendation of professionals does take will power.

Like physiotherapy or something.
Absolutely.

But initially, when giving a prognosis, who knows how mental strength will work?

And I'm very much with positive too.
I imagine it could be actually detrimental to recovery if a patient, already exhausted from their illness, was told to summon up mental strength. Or thought they wouldn't recover without it.

I've got a horrible feeling that in those circumstances I'd think "Bother that! I can't!", turn my face to the wall and even stop trying to do the things I'd had a go at previously such as taking nutrition.

But I'm a weakling, I guess.