Webcam funeral

[Flowerpot26]

I didnt think things could get worse, my beautiful mum passed away 2 weeks ago, I have a brother who not had anything much to do with, he left home when my mum got diagnosed with ms when I was about 10 and went to live with my dad who is a selfish non involved but wants to be there at graduation for the photo type. So we were left to it, she was always in and out of hosp, had carers, infections, hoisted. But she was a warrior and survied all the odds, im now 35. I was lucky tho, I loved her so much, she was amazing and cheeky. The brother visited one a year maybe, would send the cheapest flowers occasionally, never checked up with her, never contacted me, wouldnt reply If I asked for help or to say she was really poorly,
However now she passed, I told him, and he's said he can't make the funeral but it's okay as he can watch it on webcam, I feel this is awful, she deserved so much more than him, I haven't replied as I can't find any words and really don't want to have to deal with him. Should I just let it happen and then never have to speak to him again, or tell him it's a new low. I just hope his kids treat him the same way

Why can’t he

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your brother sounds awful but you cant change some people. I would leave it now, you've told him when it is and it's up to him. I wouldn't entertain any webcam rubbish xx

I'm so sorry for your loss - it must be really hard especially dealing with your brother's reaction on top of grieving. I hope you have other loved ones/friends around to support you

Lives abroad, but he doesn't live on the moon, always has an excuse but visits regularly, just never my mum.

Hes arranged it with the place already, they called and asked if I was okay with it, funeral is tomorrow

Well he can fuck right off. Continue with your own plans, if he isn't going to turn up he isn't - you can't change how he feels, you can only think on how you feel at the moment.

BTW you seem to have double posted this - if you ask HQ they will probably remove the duplicate for you.

No, say you are not happy with it and tell him it's not happening.

Sorry for your loss. He knows when the funeral is, it's up to him to either attend or not - I certainly wouldn't be bothering with webcams. Perhaps send him a copy of the order of service afterwards, but that's about it. You have enough to deal with right now without having to pander to him

Sorry I didn't mean to post twice, how do I Contact hq?

asked if I was okay with it

Are you actually OK with it? If not, then withdraw your consent. Incidentally does the venue not require the consent of other attendees at the funeral who may not wish to be filmed? I would not expect to be filmed attending a funeral frankly.

I Contact hq?

click on report, report your other thread as a duplicate and ask them to remove it.

Oh and BTW - is there an additional charge for the service and if so is your brother paying for it?

No I'm not okay with it, I feel like I'm being watched, and then he can just tell himself that he was still there, he's done what he can and be happy with himself

Say no!

When they rang and asked you, were you flustered and said yes? If so, ring back and say that you were flustered and didn't intend to agree to it. Presumably you are the one organising the funeral? What the hell are the funeral home doing accepting requests from some random anyway?

Is part of it an age thing?

I was born well before social media was a thing and have been surprised by, for example, being told very important things via text when I would have felt it appropriate to telephone and speak to the person.

But, bearing in mind that I might be a bit old fashioned, it would seem appropriate to me to make the effort to attend the funeral in person.

And I'm sorry for your loss, truly.

I said I thought it was awful, and then she said there was a extra cost, I've already payed and orangised everything, I said I'm not paying for that, and left it as they will call him for the payment. I wish they had just said its not a option, without me now having to deal and think ab
out it, I think it even worse then him not going, tho I don't really want to see him.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Its a personal preference but I would loathe the idea of someone filming the service. Its intrusive and for me inappropriate. I wouldn't have it but that's just me. I particularly wouldn't want it when it was done to salve the conscience of someone who couldn't be bothered to attend.

Personally I would avoid a discussion as to who pays for it and stick with the invasive nature of the filming

If its tomorrow there is still time to cancel it

Gosh how awful for you. Call the funeral directors back and say you explicitly don't give consent for them to broadcast your grief over the internet and as your mum's next of kin and the person organising and paying for the funeral they are not to proceed with the webcam. They are not to allow your brother to pay for it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP

You can use the report button on your post. Top left of each message, go to your first repeat message, or first message if it's a repeat thread, and ask for them to be linked, or one deleted. Sure you have more important things to worry about tho.
Sorry for your loss, hope all goes ok. You don't have to have web cam if you don't want. Some ppl just video funeral so you can edit or only film what you want. It could be sent to him afterwards.

Oh for goodness sake - it isn't broadcast all over the internet. Those that wish to view the service are given a specific, one-time log in. It's not like people can search for it on YouTube.

If he lives abroad and is, as you describe, virtually estranged then I camn see why he wouldn't want to come back to the UK and has asked to grieve in his own way.

I'm going to give a slightly different (and probably unpopular) opinion, which is that I think you should go ahead with the webcam. I totally understand the justifiable anger you feel towards your brother, and I agree that it's shit of him not to make the effort to come. You have my fullest sympathies here. But I also know that, in your shoes, I would probably feel better in the long run, and more like I did the right thing to 'include' him in spite of his bad behaviour. At least that way he can't accuse you of excluding him (not suggesting you ever would, but these self-absorbed types tell all kinds of stories).

I have a very difficult sibling who goes out of her way to be unpleasant and I have found that the best course of action for me personally is to stay serene and let her do whatever mad thing she wants to do, while refusing to allow her bad behaviour to upset me.

Maybe ask the funeral director if there is a way of setting it up so that you can be out of shot to protect your privacy?

Pressed post too soon. OP I am sorry for your loss and hope you manage to find a way through this awful time.

My comments were directed at the "all over the internet" references.

sorry for your loss OP,no words can heal the hurt I know,but sending you thoughts.
What is best for you is what is important.Contact the office and say no to the webcam.that is intrusive,beyond acceptable on any level.💗🌸🌻

I simply can’t imagine watching your MOTHERS FUNERAL on a webcam