Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

My best friend cut me off. Is it my fault?

70 replies

Sp3849 · 28/08/2019 06:34

Cutting a long story short. I am 32 and she is 29. We both have daughters same age. Both now 8. Been very good friends for 10 years. She has a history of mental health and me and my husband have always looked after her when unwell. Taken her and her daughter on numerous holidays over the years as she is a single mum. Couldnt afford it and wouldn't take her daughter alone and on bad days she struggles too care for her daughter. Literally she is like my family and her daughter is like my own. She met someone a year ago and has been gradually growing distant mental health has improved and life seems on the up for her and I am so happy for her. Her boyfriend doesn't like our friendship though. He has always made that clear he is very possessive and is not nice too her daughter. She actually convided this too me. So I have remained here for her. I walk on eggshells as I don't want him too tell her she can't speak too us anymore. More out of concern for her daughter. I frequently speak too her on the phone, visit occasionally and take the kids out for play dates. But yesterday my daughter had a different friend over too play. A little girl who lives by them, her mother is a friend of both of ours and kids are all friends. this other family are going through a rough time the father is extremely sick and they needed me too watch her. I collected the little girl and brought her too my house too play and within minutes of arriving home I received a phone call. My friend abusing me and screaming at me threatening too smash my face in! I couldn't get a word in edgeways she was wild and i was extremely confused. My friend then text me and said I was vile and nasty for leaving her daughter out! This really upset me because over the years that child has literally been ours! I would never do anything too hurt her. But I was asked too look after this other child and I would have offered too have my friends daughter but she was supposed too have been at her dad's and I don't think she was there. It continued then with my friend abusing me and threatening me and hanging up she eventually text me saying it had been building up for a while for her and she feels I copy her? And always try too out do her? I tried too ask how but her reply was I applied for uni after her (uni was always my plan) and I started my own business after her. I had no choice my husband works long hours and I needed too do it for my kids sake and she hung a picture on her wall and I hung a picture on mine? (just random pictures mind they aren't the same and I am always decorating my house) and she wants nothing more too do with me and cut me off. Blocked me of everything and told me if I got too her house she will knife me! I am so upset more so that she threatened me and I know what she is capable of and I thought we had the friendship we're we could talk through our issues. if her daughter was there and upset I didn't invite her too surely just ring me and ask me too go get her? She told me I am spiteful nasty and selfish and she has no time. For some. As jealous and nasty as me and I sit here wondering if I am?

OP posts:

Rachelover40 · 28/08/2019 08:14

I'm so, so sorry sp. This is a very sad story.

You haven't done anything wrong at all and your friend's boyfriend sounds vile. She will wise up to that eventually.

Look after yourself, others have given good advice which I endorse.
It's a hurtful and worrying situation but things do pass.

cranstonmanor · 28/08/2019 08:15

How awful OP, after all you've done for her. Sadly I agree with the others that there are a combination of things involved here. I also believe that your first priority is you and your own family. The fact that she threatened to knife you is so agressive that I think you should stear clear of her now and in the future. I'm sorry. It must hurt.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/08/2019 08:16

Get in touch with the mental health team (and follow up with police/social services).

Apolloanddaphne · 28/08/2019 08:18

I am a social worker and i too think it wouldn't do any harm to speak to SS. I fe her mental health is unravelling and she is in an abusive relationship plus making violent threats then they will have a duty to ensure the child is safe.

Juells · 28/08/2019 08:30

If you do contact anyone about her behaviour, you need to be sure she doesn't find out the report came from you. She's already threatened you, you don't need the situation to get any worse.

Yaflamingalah · 28/08/2019 08:33

As difficult as it may be, I would also contact SS. I would be very worried about her little girl and the fact that she won't get any support from her mum if the boyfriend turns even nastier. I would also contact the police so that she knows you aren't messing around and won't be threatened with violence.

I'm in agreement with a PP that MH issues cannot excuse her absolutely despicable behaviour.

Original poster

Sp3849 · 28/08/2019 08:34

I think I am going too speak too the little ones father he is a very hands on dad and a lovely man. I am nervous because I don't want too anger her more. She is more than capable of carrying out her threats. She is a blind rage, see red type of person. I can't phone social services there is no doubt she would definitely carry out her threats if she even thought I was considering it to be honest. My husband works away and I am here in my own with my 12 year old and 8 year old

OP posts:

Beautiful3 · 28/08/2019 08:36

That's awful. The friendship is now over. You cannot afford to be inbthe receiving end of violence, you have your own child to think of. I suggest you contact the me gal health team in social services. As she may be off her meds and stopped going to her sessions. Her child may be on the receiving end of her wrath too. Even when she feels better and reaches out to you. I would stand back and ignore. You cannot bring violence into your home. Your child comes first.

I actually think her new boyfriend is winding her up, by suggesting things that aren't true. If he doesnt like her child, i m afraid of what he may suggest to her. E.g. she was naughty today she did x. She needs to be punished.

lovelookslikethis · 28/08/2019 08:36

Op please try not to take it personally, clearly she is in the middle of a mental health crisis.

Stay well away from her, for your own safety.

Contact her crisis team this morning, explain who you are and what has happened and ask them to visit her as a matter of urgency. Tell them you have concerns for her child, and could they please refer to ss if they need to. Make it clear you can be contacted for more information. Follow up and check the outcome for the child’s sake.

You haven’t lost your friend or the little girl, your poor friend is in crisis. If she is not normally violent or threatening (assuming you wouldn’t be friends if she was) this is a symptom of her declining mh rather than her feelings about you.

Please let her team deal with this.

Bunglefromrainbow · 28/08/2019 08:37

Think this needs reporting the ss for the little girl

Lots of comments like this OP. I can't stress enough how incredibly stupid I believe that this would be.

Firstly, there is no indication that the girl is in any danger, the woman is known to MH services and they are trained to spot potential issues.
Second, this woman sounds to be going through something, definitely she is not happy with OP. But if OP reports this to SS then any chance of a 10 yr relationship being repaired is instantly over. As well as pushing her potentially closer to a potentially abusive partner this just seems like complete madness.

Anyone on here who thinks reporting their friend of 10 years to SS after 1 argument because there are some issues in that persons life is not the kind of person I would ever want anywhere near my life or my children.

Juells · 28/08/2019 08:40

She is a blind rage, see red type of person. I can't phone social services there is no doubt she would definitely carry out her threats if she even thought I was considering it to be honest.

Time to end the friendship.

In your shoes, I'd be wondering why you've been willing to accept that kind of treatment, while being supportive. It's all very well being a kind helpful friend, but it seems a bit needy on your part, like you have to be helpful. Friendships have to go both ways, but it's all giving on your part, with not much coming back from her. Start thinking about your own safety, and especially that of your young children. They're more important to you than a violent friend.

dustarr73 · 28/08/2019 08:42

Second, this woman sounds to be going through something, definitely she is not happy with OP. But if OP reports this to SS then any chance of a 10 yr relationship being repaired is instantly over. As well as pushing her potentially closer to a potentially abusive partner this just seems like complete madness

She threatened to knife the op.I would take that very serious.All over you having someone else over to the house.She sounds like the abusive one.

Anyway kids always have different friends.They would have stopped playing with each other eventually.
I wouldnt be interested in getting back the friendship,cause it all sounds one sided.I would think it of as lucky escape.

Jellybeansincognito · 28/08/2019 08:43

@Sp3849 for goodness sake. You think she will literally stab you? what about her poor daughter.
You need to speak to the police and SS urgently!

You’re scared of repercussions but aren’t scared about telling the child’s father? He can’t protect you!

Juells · 28/08/2019 08:44

But if OP reports this to SS then any chance of a 10 yr relationship being repaired is instantly over

It should be over, once someone has been threatened with 'knifing'.

Nanny0gg · 28/08/2019 08:44

Even if there are genuine concerns for the child? OP is already worried about the boyfriend's attitude to her.

Jellybeansincognito · 28/08/2019 08:44

@Bunglefromrainbow Ops ‘friend’ has threatened to stab her- would you seriously want to ever repair that friendship?

Also, you don’t think the child is in danger when their mum sounds like she’s hitting crisis levels? And threatening to stab people over something so minuscule?

Right o...

Broken11Girl · 28/08/2019 08:53

Oh fgs
It's to, love, not too - please google the difference.
She's not a fucking inhuman monster for having mh problems, whatever must of MN says. But she's basically already condemned to death, I won't even begin on this but Sally Mays etc only one of so many innocent women preventably dying from neglect by mh services.

W0rriedMum · 28/08/2019 08:59

This is very strange. It sounds like before the incident you would have said that life was getting better for your friend, even if you were treading on eggshells with the new boyfriend. It sounds like your friend massively lost her temper or saw red - perhaps egged on by her bf - and lashed out.
There is no way I would ever be friends again. Just walk right away.
On the point about her "knifing" you, was it an expression or had it true intent? I'd be petrified if an adult said this with intent and possibly on the phone to 101.

Original poster

Sp3849 · 28/08/2019 09:00

I know and I am debating if it is worth it. But I have known him for 10 years too and he knows her and what she is like and he would never tell her I said anything he would just keep a closer eye and have the little one.

OP posts:

Janedoughnut · 28/08/2019 09:02

Broken11Girl

It's most, love, not must - please google the difference.

Butchyrestingface · 28/08/2019 09:04

I am nervous because I don't want too anger her more. She is more than capable of carrying out her threats

How can you know that? Has she harmed people in the past?

Jellybeansincognito · 28/08/2019 09:08

@Janedoughnut sorry but that made me lolz.

Owned.

Sometimes people’s spellings and miss grammar are annoying, but no one is perfect. Give people a break.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 28/08/2019 09:10

I think HatsOn has nailed it.

This woman is not in a good place and you are the victim of her emotional and mental fall out. If you think that there is even the slightest risk that her threats a real one, please report her to the police. Your child's safety and well-being are being threatened to by your friend's erratic behaviour.

So sorry about your mother friend, though.

CoraPirbright · 28/08/2019 09:16

I think call the crisis team plus the father of the little girl. Sounds like she’s spiralling out of control to have lost it over something so innocuous.

Whether the friendship can be repaired is entirely up to you. Yes she threatened you with terrible violence .....but she obviously isnt quite in her right mind at the moment. I suspect this boyfriend is also not helping. She will need you again at some point in the future - whether or not you choose to be there for her is up to you and no one will condemn you either way.

oatmilk4breakfast · 28/08/2019 09:22

I would go to someone - school, Doctor, social services - with concern for her daughter. Sadly there is a recognisable pattern of people starting new relationships with abusive men who can get them addicted to drugs, abuse them emotionally and physically, isolate them from friends. All without the real awareness of the person, particularly if their mental health is fragile. You’ve already said he is not nice to the daughter. This violent outburst from your friend I think could indicate a real problem and I would be thinking how to protect the little girl first and foremost and perhaps also your friend too

Flip

1 2 3