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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask that 'wrong' gift is brought back to me?

57 replies

hexiestar · 27/08/2019 12:48

My sister and I have a bit of a tense relationship.
In preparation for my nephew's 4th birthday, I asked sis what I should get him. She said he likes Toy Story, can he have one of the wee toys from that.
Easy enough. Our mum sent me a screenshot of a toy and said 'this one would be good'.
That one was out of stock in the shop but they had a slightly different one, slightly bigger and did more things.
I also got him a few more things as well.
Due to work and travel, me and DP could only come down the day before nephew's birthday but this has been pre-approved by sis who says the day before is actually easier for her, and we'll get more time with nephew and with niece.
When we arrive it turns out sis has taken the kids to an event which is happening an hour's drive away. Not awful, but it means we're getting less time with niece and nephew. And the town that they're going to is a 10 minute drive from the city where we live. So we've driven for an hour, to arrive and find that they've probably passed us on the motorway and didn't think to tell us that their plans had changed. (For added context, we arrived at 11:00am and they didn't make themselves available to us until 15:30.)

Anyway, because it's not the official birthday, sis doesn't want presents opened while we're there. Fair enough. Yesterday evening I get a message thanking me for the presents, she says he loved them. I said I'm glad, hope they were all okay, and if they weren't I still had the receipt.
The reply is
"Aw it's okay dont be sorry - I might be ungrateful and take you up on that though. He loves it! But it's just that the other one matches the sets we got him so he could play with them all together. I'm so sorry to be a d*ck!"
Okay, I'm not away to start an argument over it, so I message her back and say that's no problem, could her hubby drop the wrong gift off to my flat. As he works in the city I live in, and I don't have a planned trip to their town any time soon.
She's not replying now at all now, although she did read the message very early this morning. This usually means she's pissed off.

AIBU to ask for it to be dropped off?
Or was I wrong in the first place for getting the wrong toy?

OP posts:
MazDazzle · 27/08/2019 12:50

She sounds like hard work.

YANBU

Jacksback · 27/08/2019 12:52

Put the receipt in the post to her
Job done

ChicCroissant · 27/08/2019 12:52

Is there a reason that you didn't ask her whether she wanted to change it herself or wanted you to do it? I can see her point that the toy doesn't match the rest of the set in size, but he did like it.

DowntonCrabby · 27/08/2019 12:52

She sounds like a dick.

Just post her the receipt.

Ilikethisone · 27/08/2019 12:52

Why can't you just post the receipt?

You broached the subject about it being changed, she told you up on that. Why would you want

Her husband to drop the toy off
You then find time to go exchange it
Then someone get the tou from yours to theirs?

Seems far easier to just give the receipt.

Quaffy · 27/08/2019 12:53

No you weren’t unreasonable. If it is a problem for it to be dropped off she should have replied and said could she post it.

AllFourOfThem · 27/08/2019 12:53

I assume from your messages that she thought you would give her the receipt for her to exchange rather than you doing it. Either way, she shouldn’t end up with two presents for him.

Passthecherrycoke · 27/08/2019 12:53

I think you’re reading too much into the lack of appearance by the husband to collect the receipt. It’s only been a day- surely he’ll just get it at some point when convenient ?

I don’t think the present thing is a big deal at all, them not being there when they said they would is annoying though

Pootles34 · 27/08/2019 12:54

Well you are rather jumping to conclusions that she's annoyed. And wouldn't it be easier to simply post her the receipt?

Shesellsseashellsontheseashore · 27/08/2019 12:57

So no one actually told you it was a specific toy to match a set he was getting?
I would take her silence to your last message and not bother to contact her again until she contacts you, you've given her the option that you would swap it. However personally, I wouldn't take a toy off a child that he apparently now loves. If she's that concerned about him having the set she can buy the toy herself.

melissasummerfield · 27/08/2019 12:59

Why wouldn't her husband just pick up the receipt from you?

implantsandaDyson · 27/08/2019 13:00

Just post the receipt. To be honest if someone asks me to buy something specific especially for a kid, I usually bring the receipt with me and hand it to one of the parents especially if its not what was asked for.

It sounds like you and your sister are both equally as arsey with each other but I wouldn't choose a nephew's birthday present to be the thing that I take my stand over.

Original poster
hexiestar · 27/08/2019 13:01

I could send the receipt but I paid by card, so it would have to be exchange only. I suppose that would also make sense and I could just post it!

OP posts:
Ilikethisone · 27/08/2019 13:03

But she just wants to exchange it.

Why do you want the toy back?

Original poster
hexiestar · 27/08/2019 13:07

@Ilikethisone They didn't have the right one in store, so I was going to take it back for a refund then either find the right toy, or transfer her the money for it (if she knew where it was in stock).
But it does sounds easier to just give her the receipt in all honesty!

OP posts:
Queenioqueenio · 27/08/2019 13:10

I just include gift receipts with presents so it can be swapped if required.

Juells · 27/08/2019 13:13

She sounds like hard work. I wouldn't bother my arse changing it. You got him a present, he likes it, you drove miles to be there on the day she arranged and were left cooling your heels for four hours.

It'd be a cold day in hell before I bought another present, or sorted out this one. She hasn't replied to your text so you don't need to do anything. Sounds like she enjoys making you jump through hoops, or simply doesn't consider your feelings at all.

TheRealShatParp · 27/08/2019 13:15

I think your sisters message sounds fine to be honest. I’d much rather someone have what they want so wouldn’t mind someone exchanging it. So she hasn’t texted you back yet, is that so bad? She has kids right, so probably can’t text back as soon as people would like. I’m not sure how this is even an issue?? Is there usually drama? To be honest I don’t understand how this is even a thing?

ChangeItChild · 27/08/2019 13:15

This all sounds so exhausting!

I'd include gift receipts in the future or give gift cards - like Amazon - as presents (a bit impersonal maybe, but in this tense relationship probably for the best and alit easier)

Ilikethisone · 27/08/2019 13:15

@hexiestar yeah I get what you were going to do, but that seems like a lot of fuss and putting yourself out, leaving the kid without the toy for a few days, when it's easier to send the receipt.

That's what I coildnt get my head round. Its easier for you to give her the receipt. Smile

I though there was going to be a big reason that you wanted to do it.

TheRealShatParp · 27/08/2019 13:18

Also, if your sister sees your post on here then you could have created more drama. I assume the message you wrote above is verbatim, so no denying this post isn’t about her. What’s the point.

Juells · 27/08/2019 13:19

Why do people keep saying 'send her the receipt'? The receipt is useless as the OP paid by card.

Cherrysoup · 27/08/2019 13:19

YANBU, she would have had a bollocking from me for not being there knowing you were coming down. Rude. Why didn’t she just tell you she was going to the event and say she’d call in for the gifts?

Juells · 27/08/2019 13:21

In all honesty I wouldn't have waited around if I'd got there and they'd fecked off for the day. Why would you do that? It sounds like you're a real people-pleaser, and do everything to oblige everyone else, rather than suiting yourself.

Ilikethisone · 27/08/2019 13:21

The receipt is useless as the OP paid by card.
Not for an exchange.

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