Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to ask that 'wrong' gift is brought back to me?

57 replies

hexiestar · 27/08/2019 12:48

My sister and I have a bit of a tense relationship.
In preparation for my nephew's 4th birthday, I asked sis what I should get him. She said he likes Toy Story, can he have one of the wee toys from that.
Easy enough. Our mum sent me a screenshot of a toy and said 'this one would be good'.
That one was out of stock in the shop but they had a slightly different one, slightly bigger and did more things.
I also got him a few more things as well.
Due to work and travel, me and DP could only come down the day before nephew's birthday but this has been pre-approved by sis who says the day before is actually easier for her, and we'll get more time with nephew and with niece.
When we arrive it turns out sis has taken the kids to an event which is happening an hour's drive away. Not awful, but it means we're getting less time with niece and nephew. And the town that they're going to is a 10 minute drive from the city where we live. So we've driven for an hour, to arrive and find that they've probably passed us on the motorway and didn't think to tell us that their plans had changed. (For added context, we arrived at 11:00am and they didn't make themselves available to us until 15:30.)

Anyway, because it's not the official birthday, sis doesn't want presents opened while we're there. Fair enough. Yesterday evening I get a message thanking me for the presents, she says he loved them. I said I'm glad, hope they were all okay, and if they weren't I still had the receipt.
The reply is
"Aw it's okay dont be sorry - I might be ungrateful and take you up on that though. He loves it! But it's just that the other one matches the sets we got him so he could play with them all together. I'm so sorry to be a d*ck!"
Okay, I'm not away to start an argument over it, so I message her back and say that's no problem, could her hubby drop the wrong gift off to my flat. As he works in the city I live in, and I don't have a planned trip to their town any time soon.
She's not replying now at all now, although she did read the message very early this morning. This usually means she's pissed off.

AIBU to ask for it to be dropped off?
Or was I wrong in the first place for getting the wrong toy?

OP posts:

Breathlessness · 27/08/2019 13:24

The gift thing? Send her the receipt. The way she dealt with your visit? Out of line. She knew when you were coming and that you were driving an hour to see your DN+DN. She gave the OK. Taking her DC to somewhere 10 minutes from your house was taking the piss.

MidCenturyVintageWoman · 27/08/2019 13:30

And this is why I always include the receipt with a gift. They can do whatever they want with it then.

AllFourOfThem · 27/08/2019 13:33

Why do people keep saying 'send her the receipt'? The receipt is useless as the OP paid by card.

Because the shops then knows it was bought through them and they will offer an exchange or possibly even a gift card. It’s certainly not useless. 🙄

amatsip · 27/08/2019 13:34

If it was forky, there is the more basic sporky the same size as other characters and a larger all singing version.

Though they are very expensive for such a simple toy.

PancakeAndKeith · 27/08/2019 13:35

I often read threads on here and wonder why other people make their lives so damn complicated.

Sceptre86 · 27/08/2019 13:35

Who cares if she is annoyed, why aren't you that she bugged off when she was supposed to be meeting you? If she knew about the event beforehand she could have told you not to travel to her and that she would come to you either before or after the event. If I was your partner I would be so annoyed at having to wait a couple of hours for them to arrive and meet you, what a waste of a day! Honestly you need to grow a backbone as your partner I would be telling you to just send the gift to be delivered to theirs next time or just not bother. As for gifts in future always send a gift receipt and they can do what they want. The issue is that your sister was thoughtless at best and worse disrespectful and you don't seem to see that.

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/08/2019 13:36

The receipt is useless as the OP paid by card.
Not for an exchange.

But the wanted product isn’t in stock so an exchange quite likely not possible. If the sister wants the matching toy (and I see why, though I probably wouldn’t have asked if the relationship was less than stellar) the way to get that is to get a refund and try and find somewhere that does stock it.

OP if your sister is annoyed (and she may just be trying to persuade her DH to drop it off) she probably doesn’t realise it was out of stock and, if the relationship is strained, may think you’re just being awkward. Which isn’t great, but it is how strained relationships tend to go and why they are hard to heal. If you want to sort it out can you call her Nd talk to her about it instead of sending text messages?

The not being there when you turned up would kind of put me off wanting to reach out though. That was, a best, thoughtless of her.

Ilikethisone · 27/08/2019 13:38

And they may have it now. Besides which, let the sister sort it out.

No need for OP to do the running around when the sister wants the receipt.

Juells · 27/08/2019 13:39

Because the shops then knows it was bought through them and they will offer an exchange or possibly even a gift card. It’s certainly not useless.

Ah, didn't think of that. Was also thinking that the gift was probably bought in the OP's neighbourhood, so the sister would have to travel an hour to the shop. All hassle hassle hassle when she could have just said 'Thank you for the lovely gift'.

LillithsFamiliar · 27/08/2019 13:45

I don't think she's angry, just confused because most people would offer the receipt rather than ask for the gift back.

Toneitdown · 27/08/2019 13:46

She sounds like really hard work. Stop being such a doormat with her. Sounds like you do a lot to fit in with her and she makes no effort at all. Take a leaf out of her book and please yourself a bit more.

MrsEricBana · 27/08/2019 13:47

Sorry but I think you're def overthinking it. Message back saying receipt in the post, happy for you to exchange it. (Then if they still don't have the right thing she can choose the alternative)

SavingSpaces2019 · 27/08/2019 13:50

the town that they're going to is a 10 minute drive from the city where we live. So we've driven for an hour, to arrive and find that they've probably passed us on the motorway and didn't think to tell us that their plans had changed. (For added context, we arrived at 11:00am and they didn't make themselves available to us until 15:30.)

I think you need to re-evaluate your boundaries - if you have any.
Sounds to me like she's used to treating you like a doormat and you don't mind being one.

SavingSpaces2019 · 27/08/2019 13:53

Stop chasing her!
She can choose to be passive aggressive about it - in whcih case you simply ignore her immaturity..... or she acts like an adult and communicate with you.
I bet she does this often - gives you the silent treatment (passive aggressive) so YOU feel like it's your fault/responsibility to sort out her issue?

Leave her to it.
I can't believe you just took her piss-take over your visit on the chin and are acting like nothing's happened!

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/08/2019 13:54

No need for OP to do the running around when the sister wants the receipt.

The OP asked if she was unreasonable to ask for the toy to be dropped off, and she wasn’t, she was being thoughtful trying to get her DN the specific toy her sister wanted.

There is no need for the OP to be running around. However, the sister hasn’t asked for the receipt.

If the sister wants to do the running around to the store, getting a gift card if it’s still not in stock and finding elsewhere she could just have texted “You don’t have to bother with all the running around, if you send the receipt we can do the leg work.” So is she being silent because the OP is trying to do the leg work to replace the toy or because DN has already opened the “wrong” toy and played with it and sister is hoping for the “right” toy to be in addition?

Juells · 27/08/2019 13:54

Sounds to me like she's used to treating you like a doormat and you don't mind being one.

In fairness, people can mind being treated like a doormat but not know how to be clear about their boundaries. If you haven't learned proper boundaries as a child it's difficult to do it as an adult.

WhiteVixen · 27/08/2019 13:55

Has the ‘wrong’ toy been opened/played with? If so then you may not be able to return it anyway.

She’s probably just expecting you to buy the ‘correct’ one and leave it at that, so they end up with both.

Juells · 27/08/2019 13:56

Draw a line under the whole thing, and don't give it another thought.

Confusedbeetle · 27/08/2019 14:01

Actually this is a toy, not an item of clothing the wrong size. Sometimes children (and esp parents) have to have enough manners to accept the gift that isnt exactly what they ordered. This new trend of wish lists is brassing me off and I am not buying off the shopping list any more

NoSquirrels · 27/08/2019 14:06

Well, if she just wants the receipt for the exchange, then she can ask for it, can't she? OP has made an offer but nothing stopping her sister asking her to post the receipt.

Either way, the DN has a Toy Story toy he is happy with, so job's a good un.

Clangus00 · 27/08/2019 14:16

Two options...1) send her the receipt or 2) if they don’t give you the wrong toy back, tough.

Beautiful3 · 27/08/2019 14:23

Honestly she sounds like hard work. I think that was rude to go out when you'd both agreed your visit. You live an hours drive away so it's not like you can go back home and pop back later! Just post the receipt and let her deal with it. Next time just give money in a card and be done with it.

flumpybear · 27/08/2019 15:35

Your sister sounds like a high maintenance kind of person who rules the family with her moods - highly unacceptable! Send her the receipt and tell her to exchange it for vouchers or the other toy ... don't give her airspace to be such a pain in the arse

Cloudyapples · 27/08/2019 15:39

As you originally said about giving her the receipt and then said she should give you the toy if I was her I’d think she’s taken you up on the offer of the receipt and then you’ve been offended and asked for the gift back. So to clarify I’d at least follow up and explain you’re happy to send the receipt but you’re concerned she’d only get an exchange and the shop was out of stock, so it might be easier for you to return it for a refund and give her the cash to get the right one. But that you’ll happily send the receipt if she’d prefer.

charliedawg · 27/08/2019 16:27

Lesson to learn - don't give her the 'in' by even hinting there may be an issue with the toy
Post the receipt

Flip

1 2 3