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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance Complication

76 replies

Chocolatelover106 · 27/08/2019 09:20

This is more of a WWYD than an AIBU I suppose, so here goes.

Have 2 step-children and 2 direct children. I met the DSC when they were mid / late teens so never expected to be a "mother" to them, but they were lovely, and I really hoped to have a good relationship with them. So their father and I got together, got married and had 2 children together. DSC were busy doing A levels, going to uni etc over those few years, so we supported them, and took them on holiday etc and all was good. I should add that although my DH is a lovely, wonderful man, he doesn't earn much, and I earn far more, so when it came to financial support, really it all came from me, and I think they would have been vaguely aware of that.

Then after uni they both moved from where we live in the north to London. We (I mean I) helped them on the property ladder in due course. However, gradually we noticed them turning from the lovely humans they were into, well frankly a lot more entitled and a bit arrogant people. one of many examples of this was that we no longer seemed good enough for them. I once had a conversation with one of them where she said " I think I will elope to marry, can you imagine inviting my relatives otherwise?"

Now, I am very down to earth, and although they know I have a professional job, they do not know that my parents are quite wealthy. I never disclose that as I prefer people to judge me as me. But here is the complication.

My parents are now elderly and are starting to pass on some inheritance, and I assume I will get all of it in the next few years. So I need to update my will. My parents have said that "their" money is for my 2 biological children. And since being treated poorly by DSC (they have never even sent me a birthday card, and there are many, many examples) I am inclined to agree with my parents.

So, do I;

Leave all my assets to my DC
Leave all inherited assets to my DC and split "my" assets amongst them all or
Leave everything equally split?

My DH says leave DSC nothing, he will leave his (very small) assets to them, as he is quite disgusted with their behaviour.

Thank you for reading, just need some opinions please?

OP posts:

lyralalala · 27/08/2019 10:07

In your situation I’d leave the vast bulk to your biological children. I’d leave a small (pre agreed) amount to your husband, and a smaller pre agreed amount to your DSC. that way there can be no suggestion of contesting your will because they had been missed or forgotten. It makes very clear you have considered your will carefully.

Have you considered what to do with your shares of your home if you pre-decease your DH?

hsegfiugseskufh · 27/08/2019 10:08

leave it to your children as your parents and your DH agree, I don't see the problem. You've done enough for them already by the sounds of it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/08/2019 10:08

The SC would have no grounds to contest the will even if they wanted to.

NoSquirrels · 27/08/2019 10:08

If your parents feel strongly about leaving money to their grandchildren, then they should leave their money in trust for them - whatever proportion sounds reasonable to them e.g. thirds to you and 2 DGC, or 50% to you and 25% each to GC. Or 100% if you don’t mind bring disinherited.

As long as your DH does not end up disinheriting his older DC I think it is all OK. So he needs a will that doesn’t just leave it all to you if he predeceases you - his DC should inherit at the point he dies, if necessary leaving you a lifetime interest in the property etc.

FrancisCrawford · 27/08/2019 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunshinesupermum · 27/08/2019 10:10

Go with your DH - his estate willed to his children (after your own death, in case he goes first) your estate willed to your children (but his will needs to mirror yours so that SC don't get what rightfully belongs to your DCs)

Alternatively would your DM and DF give your inheritance directly to your DCs (it could be in the form of a trust) which would be the simplest way if you don't need it.

Samosaurus · 27/08/2019 10:13

Your parents have stated their money going down the generations is for their biological grandchildren only, I'd respect their wishes when it comes to your own will if I were you. If your step-children have a problem with this further down the line then they will learn that actions have consequences. However, I assume that your husband will inherit your money if you happen to go first though, so if he is splitting his will between the four children then your step-children may end up with your parent's money anyway..

bestbefore · 27/08/2019 10:13

Spend it! Therefore no money to leave!

CellularBlanket · 27/08/2019 10:14

The priority is to see a lawyer in order to mae sure that what you want happens. If you die first and you are legally married and everythign goes to your DH then you may not be able to control who gets what. Your DH could marry again, be "persuaded" when he is old, ill and demeted long after you are gone that hsi "real" DC - ir the first ones, should inherit. etc etc

My view - I would leave everything to my DC and help my parents to arrange that also since that is their wish. Just make sure that it is watertight and that you keep most of it to yourself.

(I'm not a bitch - just had experience)

Skittlenommer · 27/08/2019 10:16

Why would you even consider giving inheritance to your step-children?

CellularBlanket · 27/08/2019 10:16

BTW - mirror wills are crap as they a) lead to false sense of security
b) can be changed as soon as first partner dies and c) rarely reflect the circumstances of the surviving partner several years down the line, (eg re-marriage, additional child, severe illness, care costs)

Elphame · 27/08/2019 10:17

I'd strongly recommend that both you and your parents speak to a good solicitor regarding setting up wills with a trust.

My own parents situation is complicated and the issue has been dealt with by a set of will trusts.

Cherrysoup · 27/08/2019 10:17

I wouldn’t give the dsc a penny, especially as you funded uni and helped them get on the property ladder. They can’t even be arsed to send you a birthday card!

BlueflowerRedthorns · 27/08/2019 10:19

Speak to a solicitor for advice. I would be inclined to leave everything to your own children and organise a lifetime interest in the house for you and dh so neither of you has to move after the first dies.

supersop60 · 27/08/2019 10:20

Trust fund for DC .

Steppenwolverine · 27/08/2019 10:22

Have you considered what to do with your shares of your home if you pre-decease your DH?

Yes, I was wondering about this, too

EileenAlanna · 27/08/2019 10:23

Option 1 - leave all your assets to your biological DC.
You've been very good to your DH's children already, a lot better than some step parents or even parents are, and they already have much that they otherwise probably wouldn't have if not for you.
One small thing I probably would do but you sound too nice to do, would be to instruct that there's to be a formal reading of the will & leave the price of a bus ticket to Gretna Green to the sweetheart who made the nasty comment about eloping. I'd chuckle to myself looking down from above on their reaction when they discover just how much the person they didn't think quite good enough for them was worth.

ErikaJayne · 27/08/2019 10:24

You leave your money to your 2 DC and your DH leaves his share between his 4 DC.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 27/08/2019 10:25

Don't leave them anything - they are not "your" children and sounds like you've been generous enough over the years given that you didn't actually help raise them from small

If I were your DC I'd feel incredibly upset and pissed off that any inheritance might be split 4 ways instead of 2

You also need to protect your assets and inheritance in the event you die before your DH as he could easily then leave everything to his kids and disinherit yours. We had trusts set up

MerryDeath · 27/08/2019 10:25

you've helped them onto the london property ladder? you've done plenty. leave your money to your kids. particularly as you have DH blessing i see no issue.

Myriade · 27/08/2019 10:26

Yes trust fund for your dcs done by the GP.
Then for what is yours, I would
1- ensure that your DH is left with something so he isn’t on the bread line after your death
2- have a chat with your DH about ‘YOUR’ money, aka the one you have been earning whilst married to him and what to do with it.

Tbh it sounds like they’ve already had a lot from you (eg help to get in the housing ladder), more than most young people will ever get.
And they clearly see themselves as ‘above’ you so they clearly dint need any money from you do they?

DuMondeB · 27/08/2019 10:27

You’ve already helped your SC with uni and buying property, so your work there is essentially done already.

If you want to leave your estate to your BC alone, you should, especially as this will cause no issue between you and your DH.

Myriade · 27/08/2019 10:28

Btw the first thing I would do is to be sure that your own dcs have the same help than your dad have had.
So have your dcs had any help to get on the property ladder, university fees etc etc? Ensure that THAT is covered first and then decide what to do with the rest.

INeedAFlerken · 27/08/2019 10:31

Your DH supports you.

Get legal advice to help you sort it out so your DC get your 'inherited' money. And figure out how much your DH would need to live comfortably if you pre-deceased him (life estate in home, enough cash to keep it up, etc). And leave your DC a chunk of your estate.

Anything you leave to your DH can ultimately be left to whomever he likes. All 4 children are his, so he will likely split anything he has equally among the 4 children.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/08/2019 10:32

Leave all your assets to your DC, your husband leaves his to his DC

And get the will made now, as if anything happens to you, your husband will automatically inherit and his rotten kids will have a claim on everything.

You could always protect your husband by (say) leaving your assets to your own children with him having a life interest in your share of your joint home, or similar.

This will be complicated, so get a good lawyer to advise you.

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