Family dispute Ainu

[erasemybrain]

So, my brother works for my dad. My dad pays him more than he pays himself. He usually only works 3 days a week but gets paid for 5. He gets picked up and dropped off and my mom provides his lunch. He has recently had a baby and they had a big job to do, a long day. My brother told my dad he wasn't doing it as he didn't want to be out of the house for so long. My dad was angry, making threats about selling the company, making my brother self employed so he only gets paid for what he does etc. So my mom asked me to step in. It's been a problem for a while that my brother won't drive. My dad paid for him to take his test but he still won't drive and their job involves driving hundreds of miles which is left to my 65 year old dad. He also won't do any of the paperwork. I spoke to both sides and then wrote a business plan which was factual and balanced. I sent it with an email explaining to my brother that he needs to step up and the impact it's having on my dad because he is so busy and my mom because my dad is never able to do anything with her.
But now I'm the bad guy because I've hurt his feelings. My mom is demanding I apologise saying he is really hurt. My dad blames my moms recent glaucoma diagnosis on me saying it's caused by stress! To make it worse I'm currently on holiday with my mom and dad (and dh and dc) and they are putting me under real pressure and I've lost all perspective. So aibu? So as not to drip feed I am company secretary although pay no part in the business

Your family are arseholes. All three of them.

You should walk away from the lot of them but based on the number of posts from other Mumsnetters who put up with appalling shit from their families I suspect you won't.

You're looking for a solution that doesn't exist. Your family are dicks and will continue to be dicks regardless of what you do in response to this most recent drama.

Thanks everyone. My mom begged me to sort it out. I am company secretary but actually pay no part in the business (other than daughterly errands, dropping and collecting from the accountants, paying cheques in occasionally etc) I have my own career. My brother is 36! I absolutely will step away. I have told them that I will have nothing to do with it in the future. I have definitely learnt my lesson. It will happen again because nothing has actually changed. If I try to advise my dad on his options my mom will see that as undermining my brother so I will stay completely out of it. That will be tough watching them all suffer at his lazy selfish hands though!

Walk away.
Interesting that you say MY mum, MY dad, - is he a step brother? adopted?

www.gov.uk/government/publications/terminate-an-appointment-of-a-secretary-tm02

Just do it. They don't want help, they like this drama and martyrdom.

So the whole family revolves around your brother, and now you're refusing to join in this servicing system, they're applying huge emotional pressure to get you to return to it?

No solutions to offer, I'm afraid, but I am really sorry you are dealing with this insanity. And it is insanity, yes.

I would back your dad in selling the company and retiring

^This

Tell your parents that they are doing their spoiled git of a son no favours by allowing him to take the piss in this manner. Paying him for 5 full days when he 'works' (plays on his phone, watches his dad who is of retirement age do all the heavy lifting and driving) 3 short ones. That he refuses to meet the basic qualifications for the job: driving, packing and lifting. That he will not be capable of running the business successfully when / if he takes over and he will end up with no company and no employable skills.

They are enabling him

And your mum shouldn't be unpaid childcare for him as well.

Then tell them you're out. You're not going to be part of the shit show. You tried to help sort it AS THEY ASKED YOU TO DO, but then became terrified of being honest with their son for some unknown reason. Not your problem.

@CalmdownJanet that's a perfect response.

dollydaydream114 the OP is company secretary. She has an obligation to be involved in the running of the company as a director.

I hope you get paid for your time OP. Sounds like your brother is a bit of a golden child.

My dad was angry, making threats about selling the company, making my brother self employed so he only gets paid for what he does etc. So my mom asked me to step in

Having been in this situation ony thing you can do is refuse to enagage and throw it back to them - You need to talk to Dad and brother not me and keep repeating it - sorry but you need to talk to them not me.

It doesn't go down well but it mean one person is annoyed with you and they learn not to involve you next time.

I know how you feel OP, my dad has his own business and I used to be involved too.
Does he want your brother to continue the business after he retires? Your DB doesn't sound interested really...
They need to set boundaries, work is work and your DB should be treated like an employee, if he doesn't like that then your dad needs to realise that his business will not outlive him.
It's a very long process...sorry you have to go through all that, you need to step aside and let them deal with it.