Anyone awake? Dad has cancer

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

I'm 27, dad is 58. Last night he was diagnosed with bowel cancer.

I'm travelling home at 7am in the morning, am pregnant, super stressed and I just dont know what to do!

Anything funny happened, any stories to tell? 2 hours to go until my first bus, then 3 trains, before a taxi. He has an operation booked at 10:30am, I wont get there before he goes in.

Sorry about your Dad, avoid Dr Google and wait until you get a chance to speak to his medical staff. They'll have a much better idea after surgery.

They can loads now, talking as a 3x survivor and I'm 43.

Funny stories:
My gorgeous puppy ate dh sausages off his plate last week. Naughty but funny because dh was on his phone during dinner so serves him right.
My dd coloured her Dads tattoos in with permanent marker yesterday - he's gone to work today with lovely bright pink wings
I have threatened to chuck my prosthetic boob at dh if he behaves like a knob in public. Hard to be serious when the toddler is walking round with it on her head!

We are 2 years post bowel cancer affecting our lives. It was a difficult year but DM had an op, now wears a bag, got through chemo and is well and active.

Prepare yourself for some ups and downs, a whole new learning care, marvel and frustration with the hospital and staff (my biggest tip is to keep your own record of everything- keep a big A4 notepad with your Dad at all times and write down names, appointments, medicines, treatment plans etc etc and anyone who is with him, visits him, family and friends, get them to keep track too. I'm afraid at one point, we had 2 drs with 2 different set of notes wanting to perform different procedures, and we had to stand our ground. Hard but necessary and we were correct. It was a bank holiday weekend and they were rushed off their feet)
and some of the funniest stories / moments you are yet to create!

Congratulations on your pregnancy- an even more special experience now, most probably, and a way to focus everyone too, in a positive way.

Funny story...my 6 year olds new superhero nickname he wants us to call him is 'Mighty Airing Cupboard'. We don't have one in our house, he overheard someone else discussing it and loves the sound of it. Weird little creature! Defo one for his 18th!

Hugs, so hard. A positive anecdote for you, I was 2 when my uncle was diagnosed with bowel cancer, he had surgery and chemotherapy, I'm in my late 40's he's still going strong at nearly 80!

Will be thinking of you

Handholding here

Funny story. My colleague is away with a virus. I texted her to see how she was and she replied “I’ve had enough of being off dick”

Something to do on the train which is fairly mindless: the alphabet game. Look out the window at signs as you pass and try to find all the letters of the alphabet in the correct order.

Wishing you your dad and the rest of your family all the best

Dm had 2 ops for bc and is still ok 6 years on. Treatment options are developing all the time.

My Gran had cancer six times and they were mostly in different places each time. She came through it and got the all clear five times. The first one was bowel cancer and she went on another 15 years before getting cancer again.

A friends Dad had bowel cancer as well last year, they operated on him really quickly and he's doing really well.

I'm so sorry you're going through this especially whilst pregnant. Cancer is a very scary word but they're improving all the time. A lot more people are surviving now.

Thank you to the poster who said they would offer a lift that is absolutely lovely, we are at waterloo station now waiting for the train to Westbury. It is ok though, I am looking forward to the silence in a weird way! Ds will be plugged into his kindle, not an every day occurrence but necessary.

The plan is to get to westbury and then drop ds off with family before going to the hospital! I am absolutely loving your stories.

What questions should we ask the doctor

Both my parents have had cancer - my advice echoes lightly poached - stay calm and be patient. It’s a roller coaster, and you’ll be googling every scenario, but every person’s journey is unique and treatment needs to be tweaked to each individual.

Definitely write things down - when you are emotional things get misinterpreted & forgotten. Treatment & recovery is like a full time job - so get your dad a diary just to note medical things in - appts, symptoms & what medicine to take and when. Keeping organised will help you all feel in control.

Good luck, and make sure YOU eat properly!!

Write things down. Especially questions that occur to you in the middle of the night- if you write them down then you can remember to ask when you next see someone.
And be kind to yourself- just sitting around in waiting rooms is bizarrely exhausting. Don’t expect too much of yourself and microwave meals are your friend,

I am not sure in best questions, hopefully someone else will come along who has been there what springs to mind is

1. what are the options and pros and cons / record times / physical / mental strain for your dad
2. what do they recommend
3. what support / what will help your dads recovery

So basic though bet there are loads of better questions to ask.

Hope your nearly there don’t feel bad about your son being hooked to his kindle today it’s for the best and shelters him from your worries x x x keep breathing x x

Thank you all! Dad is still in the op, 5 hours so far, mum is a mess and lost loads of weight! They already cant remember what was said yesterday so I will be writing it all down! Thank you!

Good luck and take care
We’re now 1 month on from discovering my 6 year olds cancer diagnosis - treatment is hard but honestly the uncertainty of the initial period was the hardest thing of all.
Don’t be surprised if you can’t concentrate on anything - trashy magazines are your friend and our experience definitely was that we felt better once the plan was clear and we knew what we were doing

Thinking of you and keeping all crossed.

Sending you all love

Hoping your dad is doing well and has a good prognosis.

@chinateapot I am so so sorry to hear of your 6 year olds diagnosis, that is awful and i just cant imagine your pain.

Dad came out at 5, he is so unwell, he feels ill, he can barely move, I cant believe how ill he looks.

No funny story to add but having just seen your update OP I thought you might need a big hug plus &

Hopefully pain relief and a good night's sleep will help him seem a little brighter tomorrow and even more so the next day. Try to concentrate on the fact that he is in the right place and they are actively progressing his treatment.
Wishing you good news and a good night sleep tonight...

My DD had a tumour out two years ago. I was so shocked at how ill she looked after the surgery, much like you are now I’m guessing.

The first 24 hours were tough but then she improved quite rapidly.

Remember to take care of yourself too. Don’t forget to eat and drink

Hi op i was just wondering how dad is doing after surgery??

We have only had really minor surgeries - like central line insertion and biopsy - but still we were shocked by how poorly she looked immediately after. But she did bounce back fast - I think it’s “normal” for people to look pretty rubbish immediately post op. Hang in there, don’t forget to eat drink and rest for yourself too.
Oh and if anyone offers to do practical stuff to help just say yes!

I recently lost my mum to cancer. From the off we were given access to an oncology nurse. She was brilliant. We had sit down meetings with her that were never rushed and had her phone number if needed too. Macmillan were also fantastic.
I've has several long operations, three of which meant I was in ICU, twice on life support. Obviously I felt lousy but I maintain it was just as hard for my family to see me like that. It's an awful shock to see a loved one looking like that.

Which hospital is he in? My sister is an anaesthetist at one of the hospitals around there.
My DH has come through cancer,
I think you always fear the worse but actually most people do survive. He had the five year discharge this year. Don’t forget your Dad has just had a major op so will probably be feeling really quite rough!

Evening... Just checking in on the hope you have all had a better day today....
Hopefully your Dad's pain is under control and you got a semi decent night sleep

Dads pain is mostly under control, saw him today and he was tired after a couple of hours, on tramadol. He is in Salisbury hospital. He was a lot chirpier today, could smile and raise his famous eyebrow

Glad your dad is starting to come back ... pretty amazing after surgery!! Hope he continues to rally around x x