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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed with SIL

43 replies

PineappleBun · 27/08/2019 01:57

SIL visited us from US with my nephew (3) and is staying with us for about a week. The purpose of which is my nephew can play with my DC (3 & 6). I am supportive of the idea for the cousins to spend time together.

I think my SIL likes the good example my DC show my nephew. He is a fussy eater and SIL want my DC to help encouraging nephew to eat more when they eat together which I don't mind. But i feel it's bad influence to my DC in terms of ruining their routine. SIL allows my nephew stay up til really late and get up late in the morning ( and ask everyone to be quiet so as not to wake him up at 9 am) My DC refused to go to bed when they are playing with their cousin. They said why they need to go to bed when their cousin doesn't have to. When I insisted it just ended up with crying and screaming. Tonight when I want to ask my DC to go to bed, SIL invited my DC to have milk together with my nephew. It was already 11 pm. End up my DC went to bed at 12 pm! I know I should be more flexible about routine when there is visitor but 12pm is too much for me.

AIBU to feel annoyed? Any idea how to handle it better? The visit is only half way through and still have few more days to go. Confused

OP posts:
HiJenny35 · 27/08/2019 02:02

She's visiting from the us, it's the summer holidays, it's a week, you only have a couple of days left, is this really an issue. If it is just say x and y need to be in bed at pm tonight and then an hour before start the bedtime routine.

Chocmallows · 27/08/2019 02:07

Make plans for the next day, starting with getting somewhere for 9.30am and needing to get up at 8am to get ready and travel there. Therefore you need DCs in bed for 9.30pm.

Get the other adults on board so they agree.

Blondebakingmumma · 27/08/2019 02:08

Wow! My kids go to bed at 7pm, couldn’t imagine midnight! I think SIL needs to tighten up her routine to help with other behaviours

Groovee · 27/08/2019 02:53

If they are from the US, is she keeping him on their time to prevent jet lag?

Onesailwait · 27/08/2019 03:18

Could you nephew be jetlagged?. We live in Canada (8hrs behind uk). My kids are great sleepers
at home but for at least the first week if being in England their sleep patterns go to shit. Its only a week try to go with it and let the kids enjoy being with each other. They will soon be gone & you can get back to normal routine

IamWaggingBrenda · 27/08/2019 03:33

It’s a week, they’re excited, they’re having fun with each other. The time they get to spend together is precious, and I agree the time difference can be tough to adjust and then re-adjust again, all in a week. I’d let it go!

avamiah · 27/08/2019 03:38

It’s the school holidays here in the Uk but having milk at 11 pm and going to bed at 12 is too late let’s be honest .
Just tell her straight that he needs to be in bed by 10.30 pm and winding down so he is sleep by 12.

avamiah · 27/08/2019 03:38

Asleep

MoaningMinnie1 · 27/08/2019 03:39

You can surely put up with it for such a short time, it is a holiday after all. Your children will go back to their usual when the relatives have gone home.

Lovely to have a child who doesn't get up early! Mine was like that, we always managed to get a lay in at weekends.

fargo123 · 27/08/2019 03:47

I wouldn't be making my children be quiet in the morning for Nephew sleeping later. If SIL wants to allow her child to keep those hours, then that's on her her, but I wouldn't be starting my day late to appease her.

avamiah · 27/08/2019 03:48

I think 11 pm / 12 is taking it too far in my opinion.
Ok for the odd night or 2 but that’s it.

katesalwayslate · 27/08/2019 04:24

YABU. Why on earth can't the children stay up later and sleep in until 9am during the holidays?!

CheesecakeAddict · 27/08/2019 04:42

It's not really a school holiday though is it, for a 3 year old? They are still a toddler and need clear routines otherwise their sleep and behaviour goes to shit.

You need to pull SIL aside and say, bedtime for the kids in your house is X o'clock. DN should keep the noise down, the bedrooms are out of bounds and not to initiate the kids into play after this time. If this is normal to her, she might not even realise how important bedtime is for you.

blackcat86 · 27/08/2019 04:51

No way that would happen in my house. Maybe a 10yr old but a 3yr old up until midnight will either sleep very late or be miserable the next day. That's ridiculous. You need to talk to SIL and tell her to stop undermining your parenting (suggesting milk when you're trying to get your DC off to bed) and tell DC that their routine stays the same. Also stop tip toeing around in the morning. If she ends up having to sort out her DC then that's her problem.

Intheupsidedown · 27/08/2019 07:08

Never mind the kids going to bed at 12 I am not sure I could stay up that late!!!

Tonnerre · 27/08/2019 07:22

I'd suggest that in future if she comes to visit you tell her that, unless you nephew goes to bed at the same time as your kids, you'll have to ask her to book a hotel room or similar.

Original poster
PineappleBun · 27/08/2019 07:24

Not sure if DN has jet lag. But I suppose it's the part that she refuses to start winding him down when I already asking the kids to go to bed that annoys me. Jet lag or not, I do know that SIL tennis to start the day and sleep really late even in US.

OP posts:
WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/08/2019 07:24

My youngest dc is 8 and if she doesn't go to bed at 7 it's hell to pay the next day. I'd simply insist they go to bed on time and I wouldn't be quite in the morning either. It's your holiday too

BertrandRussell · 27/08/2019 07:25

Jet lag?

jesuschristwtf · 27/08/2019 07:25

Back home - my kids are 7-7 no matter who visits us. On holiday, maybe 9/10 pm.

Shoxfordian · 27/08/2019 07:27

As it's a holiday, I would be ok with it. They can be back in their routine afterwards when your sil has gone and it's probably fun for them to stay up late with their cousin.

Original poster
PineappleBun · 27/08/2019 07:28

Make plans for the next day, starting with getting somewhere for 9.30am and needing to get up at 8am to get ready and travel there. Therefore you need DCs in bed for 9.30pm.

We spent two days away in the weekend and need to check out the cottage at 10am but she didn't started waking up DN until 9:30. So we were late in check out .

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 27/08/2019 07:30

Stick to your bedtime routine.

Clutterbugsmum · 27/08/2019 07:40

There would be no way I would be keeping my children quite in their own home just because SIL wanted 9 am.

My children would be up anywhere from 5.30 to 7 at the latest even if they went to bed at midnight.

m0therofdragons · 27/08/2019 07:45

My dc had jet lag in Canada so we completely flexed the bedtime as their sleeping would be messed up coming home anyway so there's little point in strict routines. Just say you dc needs bed and put him to bed. Explain dn is jet lagged so his body is confused re the time but ds needs a good night sleep to enjoy the next day.

It's the summer holidays. Chill out!

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