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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoyed with SIL

43 replies

PineappleBun · 27/08/2019 01:57

SIL visited us from US with my nephew (3) and is staying with us for about a week. The purpose of which is my nephew can play with my DC (3 & 6). I am supportive of the idea for the cousins to spend time together.

I think my SIL likes the good example my DC show my nephew. He is a fussy eater and SIL want my DC to help encouraging nephew to eat more when they eat together which I don't mind. But i feel it's bad influence to my DC in terms of ruining their routine. SIL allows my nephew stay up til really late and get up late in the morning ( and ask everyone to be quiet so as not to wake him up at 9 am) My DC refused to go to bed when they are playing with their cousin. They said why they need to go to bed when their cousin doesn't have to. When I insisted it just ended up with crying and screaming. Tonight when I want to ask my DC to go to bed, SIL invited my DC to have milk together with my nephew. It was already 11 pm. End up my DC went to bed at 12 pm! I know I should be more flexible about routine when there is visitor but 12pm is too much for me.

AIBU to feel annoyed? Any idea how to handle it better? The visit is only half way through and still have few more days to go.

OP posts:

Jent13c · 27/08/2019 07:47

Cant you just put your kids to bed? My boy needs in bed at 6 if he skips his nap which he often does when my niece and nephew are round. They are still running about at 8pm but I still put him down at 6 I just say that they are just getting their pjs on then heading. He might protest a little but I'd rather 10 minutes of winging before bed than deal with the emotions of an overtired toddler the following day. Also I need some time for my own sanity at 7pm...no way would i have him running about until midnight!

Nautiloid · 27/08/2019 07:47

I'd relax a bit as it isn't for long. If you're really worried, I'd explain that school starts soon so you want the DC to get used to going to bed and getting up at their usual times.

Grimbles · 27/08/2019 07:49

Midnight here is 7pm in New York. Depending on where they are from in the US, it's possible she is keeping him on US time.

We do similar when we go on holiday, no point in completely trashing a kids sleep pattern for the sake of a week!

parrotonthesofa · 27/08/2019 07:52

I would just chill a bit. It's only a few days. And if you decide your kids are too tired, then you make them go to bed. I don't really see an issue. I wouldn't be making a mega effort to keep them quiet at 9am though.

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/08/2019 07:56

You need to have a word with your SIL. You're being helpful with food issue and she's creating a sleep issue for you.

If your eldest is back to school next week he'll be a tired and grumpy child when school starts if he hasn't had enough sleep for a week. You do need to be a little flexible but that means staying up 30-60 minutes, not till 11 pm!

BertrandRussell · 27/08/2019 08:12

Just wondering if posters have ever tried to get a jet lagged 3 year old to bed.

MumW · 27/08/2019 08:21

Why should you adhere to her DC routine when she isn't adhering yours?

I would have thought that a MN "Sorry, that doesn't work for us" would suffice and let your children bang on, your house, your rules.

WhoWants2Know · 27/08/2019 08:22

Of course the child is sleeping on a weird schedule- he comes from a place with a massive time difference!

I just came back from the states and am hugely struggling to sleep and wake when I should.

phoenixrosehere · 27/08/2019 08:43

yab a bit U

Just from the East Coast it is a five hour time difference from the U.K..My own parents are six and my sister is seven. Even adults need time to adjust so why would you not take that into consideration for a small child. Midnight is likely 7pm, 6 pm, 5 pm, or even 4 pm their time depending on where they are from.

They said why they need to go to bed when their cousin doesn't have to. When I insisted it just ended up with crying and screaming.

Do you just give in whenever your child sees someone get to do something they want to do? Why is it on your sil to put hers to bed at the same time as yours so he won’t fuss about it?

NoSauce · 27/08/2019 08:50

Personally I wouldn’t make my dc go to bed earlier than their cousin, it’s school holidays and there’s not much left of them being here. I would try and go with the flow in your shoes. It’s not like it’s going to happen again anytime soon. Don’t put a dampener on their stay.

ThorosOfMyr · 27/08/2019 08:55

Well when your kids complain their cousin isn't going to bed you just smile and say 'but our bedtime will be x time and that's what we do. It doesn't matter to us what other people do, this is our bedtime' and stick to it.

Because if you give in so easily now, believe me you'll have an incredibly hard time when they are older and telling you emphatically that ALL their friends are allowed this, that and the other.

Then get your kids up and start your day when it suits you. Don't keep quiet for your nephew. When/if SIL complains you tell her as it's your house it's your routine.

I have similar with my SIL over from Australia. Her kids have to fit into our rules. End of.

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 27/08/2019 08:58

Well, is your SIL keeping quiet/not distributing YOUR routine? Doesn't sound like it, if she is offering milk at 11pm. So why should you tiptoe about? 🤷‍♀️

ChangeItChild · 27/08/2019 09:01

12pm Is ridiculously late.

Tell your SIL it's not working out for you and at a reasonable time (7pm / 8pm) she needs to DN to their room and play quietly with him so you can settle your children to sleep.

KUGA · 27/08/2019 09:12

YANBU.
That being said they will be gone soon.
But like hell would I be pussyfooting around in the mornings.
Point out tp SI that if he went to bed at a sensible time he wouldn't need to lie -in.

C8H10N4O2 · 27/08/2019 13:36

As PPs say - minimum of 5 hr clock change flying eastbound can be quite a jetlag hit.

It can take an adult several days to adjust and a 3 yr old won't have the awareness to understand the process.

Sceptre86 · 27/08/2019 13:40

How old are the kids? If seven, eight years old and above then yabu it is the holidays and their cousin will likely be going home soon. However, if the kids are under 5 then saying up till 12 is ridiculous and you should be firmer at sticking to their routine.

Cherrysoup · 27/08/2019 13:41

Have you not spoken to your sil and said bedtime is 8, we need to get them all to bed by then? The best way to deal with jet lag is to adhere to local time, ime. I would no way be keeping my dc quiet to let her/dn to sleep in.

Marmighty · 27/08/2019 20:34

Surely he's jetlagged? You can't do much about when nephew goes to.sleep, but surely you can get your own kids to bed before midnight, they're old enough to explain that nephew has a different bedtime due to time zones. As with everything,communication is key here!

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