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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this should not be put on my shoulders

83 replies

Raspberryfrog · 27/08/2019 01:00

Name changed for this as outing
I work as a carer to a young girl of 8, I usually work 18 hours per week as due to disability a struggle to do any more however over the last two weeks I have been doing over 60 hours as for some reason the main 2 carers have been allowed to take leave at the same time so me and the other part time carer are covering as many hours as we can. There is a week left to cover as each of the other carers have taken 3 weeks.
Last night I was meant to be doing a night shift covering but I ending up in hospital with servere stomach pain. The hospital are sending me for a scan as they suspect kidney stones.

Tonight I got to my job to be confronted by the grandma of the girl I care for (it’s a private family set up). Saying I am unreliable, the fact I only let them know an hour before I was not coming in (pain struck suddenly and I was screaming so my girlfriend had to ring)
She was saying her daughter had not been well so she had to stay over to help look after granddaughter and I had much too much time off sick. (I have had 4 days in 12 months 3 for a sickness bug and then last night)
She then says it is my fault that she won’t be able to fly out to Australia to see her other son who is seriously ill as her daughter may need help with care if I am off again and because main 2 members of staff are on leave it won’t be able to be covered.

I was just gobsmacked and did not say anything. Her grandma then leaves slamming the door and the daughter just turns to me and shrugs.
I am so upset especially with all the cover I am providing and the amount of time I end up staying for a few extra hours after a 12 hour shift because the girl I care for is unwell and her mum needs an extra hand.

So aibu to think the grandma blaming me for not being able to visit her son is not on and also
Aibu to tell them to shove a load of extra shifts they want me to cover up until Christmas. These long hours have crippled me but I knew the extra help was needed

OP posts:
LillithsFamiliar · 27/08/2019 08:58

Zeus she isn't doing them a favour. She's accepting overtime. If she doesn't want to accept it then her employer will have to find someone else to cover.
Her employer agreed a contract with the family. And the fact is her employer isn't meeting the terms of that contract atm because the cover they're providing is patchy and unreliable.

FrancisCrawford · 27/08/2019 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fattt · 27/08/2019 09:13

I remember seeing a programme on BBC3 a few years ago where the carers were directly employed and it looked like an absolute nightmare.

Andysbestadventure · 27/08/2019 09:14

They have a dedicated 24hr care team @Greeborising what additional emotional and physical strain is on the family, exactly? They have more support than most could wish for and the carers are picking up most of that emotional and physical strain too. On top of their normal home lives and being physically unwell?

You're just being obtuse for the sake of it, so please, dfod Hmm

PapaShango · 27/08/2019 09:48

Greeborising

Absolute rubbish. It’s not the op’s fault whoever’s in charge decided to send two people on annual leave at the same time. She shouldn’t have to pick up the slack, especially as she is already working way over her standard hours. You most definitely do sound like a shit, to say the very least.

Op, you have nothing to feel guilt about. This is not on you. Kidney stones are awful. My dad had them when I was a teenager and I remember him just waking up screaming in pain. It came on so suddenly as well. Time for you to find a new job.

Graphista · 27/08/2019 09:49

"Graphista, not getting sick pay is perfectly normal, especially in an hourly paid, low-skilled job. SSP, as you said, doesn’t kick in for 4 days so for most people in min wage jobs, if you’re off sick for a working week you’re screwed. That’s the harsh reality of the working poor."

It may be normal now I'm pretty sure it wasn't always. You seem to somehow be under the impression I'm someone who's never been or been close to anyone who's "working poor".

I've not worked for several years because of my own ill health, but I've certainly done my share of poorly paid/nmw jobs in the past including care work and I'm very much from a working class background with family & friends who are or have been low paid workers.

Certain employee rights have been eroded in recent years by this tory govt, in addition it being an employers market means many employers are only doing the bare minimum they are required to do, and so as we are reaching almost a decade of tory rule we are maybe reaching a point where there are adults coming up to at least late 20's who don't remember how things used to be?

I've never had a job that paid zero sick pay and find it shocking and frankly disgusting that this is happening.

timshelthechoice · 27/08/2019 09:53

I'd be getting another job asap and once I did I'd tell them I was working my hours and that's it and if the family has problem it's the employers.

katewhinesalot · 27/08/2019 09:59

Did they ask you, or tell you, to go from 18 hours up to the 60?

That's unreasonable. A few extra hours yes. But that's all.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/08/2019 10:04

I'm amazed that you came into work after being in hospital last night. How dare they treat your dedication to their daughter like that. YANBU

Eustasiavye · 27/08/2019 10:14

Op yanbu.
Your employer is totally in the wrong for allowing 2 members of staff to take leave at the same time.
I would stop doing the extra hours, you don't have to give a reason just say no.
Then look for another job.
The grandma may come to regret her words when there is nobody willing to cover the extra hours.

Original poster
Raspberryfrog · 27/08/2019 10:30

It the family who employ the staff. Parting shot this morning from the daughter was “you do know you can just get rid of someone who has worked for under 2 years don’t you”
I am afraid I told her to stick the job and walked out
My husband fully backs me when I told him, and said I would have been held to ransom if I had stayed

Oh heck need to find a job quickly

OP posts:
Windygate · 27/08/2019 10:41

@Raspberryfrog well done! If you think care work is still for you contact your local care agencies. The ones near us are always hiring. Onwards and upwardsThanks

timshelthechoice · 27/08/2019 10:46

Well done! This is NOT your fault. It is not. You will get another job. They are shit employers to treat you like that. It's a job for you, not your life.

Eustasiavye · 27/08/2019 11:15

Good for you op.

Graphista · 27/08/2019 11:16

Wtf! Don't blame you for telling them where to stick it!

They keep treating employees this poorly they will end up with poor quality ones! The good ones just won't stay.

LovePoppy · 27/08/2019 11:19

@Greeborising my experience doesn’t matter. My point doesn’t change. OP shouldn’t have to expect shitty behaviour from clients

LovePoppy · 27/08/2019 11:26

Good for you @Raspberryfrog

Sounds like they will be reaping what they sow carer wise

Poor family member

FrancisCrawford · 27/08/2019 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elvis86 · 27/08/2019 11:40

Well done OP! I don't care if they have a disabled kid, they sound like complete twats and don't deserve your dedication.

Good luck to them finding someone else who will work under those conditions. Maybe grandma will have to get stuck in.

Everything crossed that you find work soon.

testingtesting111 · 27/08/2019 11:58

Well done op. The family's circumstances to an extent are irrelevant. We have live in carer(a) for my MIL who is frequently extremely unpleasant and very very aggressive. If anything we fall over ourselves to make the carers lives more tolerable and try to be as accommodating and helpful as possible. The carers are people doing a job, not slaves and deserve to be treated with respect.

nettie434 · 27/08/2019 12:27

Sounds as if you have made the right decision Raspberryfrog. They were putting a huge amount on you and the other part time worker when they allowed the full time team members to be on holiday at the same time.

They were also very unsympathetic about you being ill. I also noticed that the other time you were ill, you were sick. Surely they realise that it would have been terribly risky for you to be at work if there was any possibility you had something contagious?

Have you tried some of the matching sites for care workers and people looking for help? Here’s a link to one.

eyja.co.uk/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI3-_cpPei5AIV1-F3Ch2a2wV3EAAYAyAAEgLFcfD_BwE

Some people wanting support also advertise on gumtree.

Good luck with finding a new job where you are appreciated.

Shebertherbert · 27/08/2019 12:56

I am also wishing you good luck with the job hunt op. Flowers

Foslady · 27/08/2019 13:09

I’m so pleased you told them where to stick it - they created a situation and because you fell ill became their scapegoat, and then to put a veiled threat to you as you were leaving- wow!
I’m sure you will have no issues finding another position, great carers are always in demand

Willow2017 · 27/08/2019 13:10

If you are a carer for someone who is “end of life” or a person who needs you and your team 24 hrs then you really need to be 24 hours, emotionally and physically.

This isn't ops responsibility it's the families for letting 2 people off at the same time for weeks.
Op did 60 hrs not 18 that's ridiculously over her set hrs. Would you expect her to.be there 24/7 if another carer went sick? Did you.deliberstely miss out the part that op herself has a disability and it's a struggle to go all those extra hrs yet she still did it to help out the family?

The family allowed this, they are responsible and have no.right to talk to anyone that way. She isn't responsible for covering every shift for them she isn't their slave. And how the fuck could she go to work.when in hosp with excruciating pain?

Op.well done. They don't deserve you. They are going to.have trouble keeping anyone if that's the way they treat them.

Hope your health improves soon.

Foslady · 27/08/2019 14:23

Are the other carers back now or are they down to one? Hopefully they will then see just what you have been doing for them all because they didn’t plan properly (and don’t feel bad about this - everything has been brought on by them)