To think this should not be put on my shoulders

[Raspberryfrog]

Name changed for this as outing
I work as a carer to a young girl of 8, I usually work 18 hours per week as due to disability a struggle to do any more however over the last two weeks I have been doing over 60 hours as for some reason the main 2 carers have been allowed to take leave at the same time so me and the other part time carer are covering as many hours as we can. There is a week left to cover as each of the other carers have taken 3 weeks.
Last night I was meant to be doing a night shift covering but I ending up in hospital with servere stomach pain. The hospital are sending me for a scan as they suspect kidney stones.

Tonight I got to my job to be confronted by the grandma of the girl I care for (it’s a private family set up). Saying I am unreliable, the fact I only let them know an hour before I was not coming in (pain struck suddenly and I was screaming so my girlfriend had to ring)
She was saying her daughter had not been well so she had to stay over to help look after granddaughter and I had much too much time off sick. (I have had 4 days in 12 months 3 for a sickness bug and then last night)
She then says it is my fault that she won’t be able to fly out to Australia to see her other son who is seriously ill as her daughter may need help with care if I am off again and because main 2 members of staff are on leave it won’t be able to be covered.

I was just gobsmacked and did not say anything. Her grandma then leaves slamming the door and the daughter just turns to me and shrugs.
I am so upset especially with all the cover I am providing and the amount of time I end up staying for a few extra hours after a 12 hour shift because the girl I care for is unwell and her mum needs an extra hand.

So aibu to think the grandma blaming me for not being able to visit her son is not on and also
Aibu to tell them to shove a load of extra shifts they want me to cover up until Christmas. These long hours have crippled me but I knew the extra help was needed

Look for another job asap.

to get a bit shitty with you is to be expected and then you really need to be 24 hours, emotionally and physically.
Don’t mean to sound like a shit but I think you need to think about a different job.
It’s not about you. This does make you sound like a shit, and yes while being the family member of someone very ill or needing 24hr care this does not mean you can have the attitude of expecting extreme servitude.

Are you employed via an agency or directly by the family? Either way, it is completely reasonable not to expect to be verbally abused or shouted at and I would raise this with your employer, possibly in writing. I would also not be covering 60 hours a week! Your employer will have to employ bank or agency staff to cover.

Shocking attitude!

Granny was bang out of order, OP.

Are you employed via an agency or directly by the family? If via the family, have you opted out of the EU Work Time Directive? (I'm aware some professions are exempt but not sure if this applies to care.)

If you're experienced in complex care then there will be care agencies and private individuals queuing up to employ you. If Granny is a frequent visitor then I'd personally be looking for something else. This is your job. You haven't taken "in sickness and in health" vows to it.

Only chiming in to echo that Greeborising - you are talking absolute bollocks. How much do you think OP is paid, to justify dedicating her entire life to her work, to pick up additional hours whenever they fancy, and to put up with being spoken to absolute like shit by her client's relatives?

There's absolutely no way I could have bitten my tongue in that situation. I'd have told grandma to pipe the fuck down, and reminded your gormless client that you're going above and beyond to provide leave cover because she mismanaged the other carers' holidays.

Having a disabled kid doesn't afford you the right to treat people like shit.

Definitely find a new job, OP.

I strongly recommend looking for a new job, care work is plentiful and the relationship seems to be strained. The family obviously aren't respecting you as a professional. They are in a very difficult situation, but they (assuming the U.K.) have elected to manage the carers themselves rather than use an agency and need to have more cover built into the arrangements, at any point sickness and injury can strike, the team needs to be bigger basically. I understand the grandmother is angry but they messed up with the holiday schedule not you.

Who ever allowed two out of five carers to go on holiday at the same time? They are to blame for this issue, certainly not you.

I would look for another job and, when you find one, tell them that the reason you're leaving is because of grandma's rudeness.

The emotional and physical strain must be immense , and to get a bit shitty with you is to be expected
If you are a carer for someone who is “end of life” or a person who needs you and your team 24 hrs then you really need to be 24 hours, emotionally and physically.

Absolute rubbish! This is a job for the OP, and she has rights and responsibilities as a worker, not as a family member (and most family members do not provide 24/7 care when the care needs are this high either). OP- this family obviously have issues with getting enough care, but this is not your problem. The fact so much pressure is put on you when you are ill is really problematic. Can you talk with the daughter, your direct employer? About people speaking to you in a disrespectful manner and blaming you- when it is their rotas and perhaps unwillingness/inability to pay bank staff which problematic.

As everyone says, good carers are hard to find- you either try to change where you are or you move elsewhere.

If you keep going in this role OP i'd stick to the hours you're paid for in future. I suspect that because of your kindness and flexibility in a difficult situation they think of your work as vocational rather than transactional.

Refer them to the agency - if one is involved- if any timings issues. If they say " Oh but you used to stay until xtime" you can reply that time after y was unpaid and you need to look after your own health and well-being to be an effective carer.

Get another job. If you are with an agency - your agency is shite.

If you are employed by the family via direct payments - then they are the employer and despite whatever stress they are under, they have to behave as an employer and not behave like shits.

There is a shortage of good carers, go somewhere else.

I think it might be best to look at working for a bigger agency?.The problem here is you are being made a scapegoat for other people mistakes .Who on earth is doing the rotas to let 2 people off at the same time?!The bigger and more well run organisations wouldnt let this happen .Maybe try local councils ?.They are well run and often looking for experienced staff!

I agree, time to look for another job. You can’t do this to the detriment of your own health, and while it is understandable the family are under strain, it’s not okay to allow staff to be abused. They created this situation by allowing two carers to take leave at once without arranging more cover.

Get your employer to call the mum and at the same time remind them (your employer) that you work 18 hours and although you can see your way to doing a limited amount of overtime, you won't do indefinite hours and when you're sick you're sick.

And also, if you are up to it, remind them that 2 full-timers off at the same time for 3 weeks without adequate backup isn't providing the care that this family have contracted for.

If the bank staff member is 'hardly ever available', I would make myself also 'hardly ever available' beyond my contracted hours. And look for another job.

Yanbu, your employer needs to manage cover much better, 2 off at the same time in such a small team for such a long time is completely out of order! Most employers don't allow more than 2 weeks at a time and would not allow leave to be taken at the same time as another staff member if a small organisation/team.

There are also legal requirements when it comes to care, even when it's being provided in a private home, I'm afraid I don't know the current legislation but I'm sure acas would.

As for the grandma, I would say to her something along the lines of you understanding (but NOT apologising for) the stress the situation has caused BUT that it isn't as a result of anything you've done and that your taking time off at short notice was unavoidable as you had TAKEN ILL. And that while you understand, you won't be spoken to disrespectfully or angrily when you've done nothing wrong.

"We don’t get paid when off sick at all" why?! That's illegal! You should be getting ssp at the very least - although I'm shocked to learn you need to be off min 4 days now - am I misremembering that never used to be the case?

Although to be honest any DECENT employer should pay sick pay anyway. Sadly in the current climate it shouldn't really surprise me that such things are disappearing. Are you in a union? If not I would highly recommend you join one ASAP.

Greeborising - NO! Just no! Nobody has the right to take that stress out on someone who has done NOTHING wrong and is not responsible for the stress being caused. Op is an employee not a whipping boy! Your attitude to people in caring professions is completely unrealistic and frankly disgusting! Everyone needs down time and op can't help being ill. To expect carers, Drs, nurses etc to be "on" 24 hours 365 days a year is ludicrous!

And I DO have experience as a carer - both professionally (including as a manager) and personally. Your attitude stinks!

The Grandma shouldn't have spoken to you like that but I think you're focusing on the wrong issue here. I would be angry with my employer for allowing this situation to happen.

I really think it's time you started looking for a new job. You've been treated like shit and I doubt you'll ever really trust your employer again. Time to move on. There are other people out there who need carers, I'm sure you won't struggle to get something else. Please don't stick with a job where you are treated badly. It's bad for your physical and mental health, which you are already seeing the consequences of. That's only going to get worse.

Don’t mean to sound like a shit but I think you need to think about a different job.

Well that's a shame because you do sound like a complete shit. What a ridiculous response to this OP.

It's been very badly managed. tbh you took it personally and if I'd been you, I'd have agreed with the gran that it wasn't good enough. Having so many carers on holiday at the same time means there isn't enough cover for unexpected illnesses. That isn't the family's fault.
I understand you're in pain. Kidney stones are awful. But threatening to leave them in the lurch over Christmas seems petty. This is your job. You're not 'doing them a favour'.

Try to keep a professional outlook on this. The GM was out of order to blame you, but she is frustrated at a service that is letting her down. She shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.

From now on, do only your hours. Tell your employer they need to sort cover.

The only answer to the GM is
‘I appreciate the current arrangement is an issue, however, this is something you need to take to as I can not do anything about it’.

I would also question why you have been working so many hours when you are disabled yourself. Talking to people who are running companies like this, it is extremely hard to find carers. Maybe this is also your opportunity to put boundaries as they will have no choice but to be more flexible if they want to be able to do the work they are paid to do...

LillithsFamiliar
'This is your job. You're not 'doing them a favour'.
Actually she is doing them a huge favour! OP has working 60 hrs a week instead of 18hrs to cover her employers staffing cock up. It's a disgrace how she was spoken to and the response of the daughter.

@Graphista, not getting sick pay is perfectly normal, especially in an hourly paid, low-skilled job. SSP, as you said, doesn’t kick in for 4 days so for most people in min wage jobs, if you’re off sick for a working week you’re screwed. That’s the harsh reality of the working poor.

OP, I would say it’s definitely time to find another job. Your employer obviously doesn’t have your back. Whilst it’s understandable that the family is obviously in a horrendous situation and going through a shit-ton of stress, it seems like the other carers just walk all over her. They presumably just told her they were taking holiday and I guess she just shrugged at that too. I think it’s important in a 24 hour care team setting that everyone works together, the family and the employees in the best interests of the client. I don’t think any one employee should be expected to dedicate their entire life to the job.

Don’t mean to sound like a shit but I think you need to think about a different job.
It’s not about you

You failed miserably with the first part of that. Nobody should be expected to take that crap in those circumstances, and telling someone it's not about them when they're being personally blamed and got at for matters either beyond their control or their responsibility is plainly ridiculous bullshit.

Not clear from this whether the employer is the family using a direct payment or personal health budget or an agency but I suspect the former as you say it’s a private family set up. Either way, the decision to give the two full time workers leave at the same time time was wrong. It is obvious that two part time people are unlikely to be cover for two full time workers unless they are not working part time by choice and want extra hours.

It must be stressful for the family to look after a child who needs 24 hour care. As you mention shifts in the run up to Christmas, it sounds as if it is something long term. On top of this, the grandmother was worried about her son. I can see why was upset but she definitely should apologise.

60 hours a week is a lot for anyone - let alone someone who usually works part time because of a disability. I think unless this was a completely atypical experience, I’d look for another job.

Raspberryfrog, hope you are better soon and that it is just something minor.

BTW, for posters talking about sickness pay, working to rule and taking breaks, most care workers working in people’s homes are treated as self employed. Read books like Joanna Biggs ‘All Day Long’ or James Bloodworth’s ‘Hired’ for a picture of what care work (and other low paid jobs are like).