AIBU To post about awful parenting?

[NoCureForLove]

If you were the mother or ?father
?Stepfather at the cafe on the beach in Southwold today at lunchtime I hope you feel embarassed and remorseful.

There was a mother, a man and two small children- boy c 7 and girl around 4/5. The children were being perfectly well behaved. They found a table and sat. The girl wanted to sit on the chair the man sat on - she wanted to sit next to her mum not on one end. The man immediately git cross and was right up in her face growling at her. He took her baby doll she was cuddling off her, told her if she didnt shut up he'd put her baby in the bin. Thd mum behaved as if all this was simply invisible to her. This went on for a good while. Mum took little girl off to choose food. In her absence he had a go at the boy - who was apparently smiling when he shouldn't. When mum came back little girl asked nicely for baby. He threw baby on the floor under the table. He pulled tge little girl onyo hos lap, shook her and put her back in her chair roughly. He then refused to speak to any of them. Mum just carried on as if this was all part of a lively BH outing.

The whole thing was so horrible to witness. Hard to convey how horrible really.

If you are the Mum yiu should leave that angry bully of a man. Your poor children.

I really wanted to say something but was frightened he'd punch me.

Sounds like my ex bully

I really wanted to say something but was frightened he'd punch me.

I guess that is how the mum felt too. Hope she finds the stregnth to leave soon. Poor children and mother. Man sounds awful.

I suggest she's used to his behaviour and too scared to do anything about it. But that's ok. You go ahead and judge her.

Love the way you judge the mother for not doing anything, yet what exactly did you do?

I understand your concern. But judging the mother? Maybe she’s being bullied by him herself and doesn’t know how to get away from him? Maybe she’s too scared to do anything!

It’s all very easy from the outside to say ‘leave’, but we all know it’s a different story inside an abusive relationship.

What would others do? I could have said something but the likely effect would be to make things worse. I couldn't 'report' this to anyone as I have no idea who they were. I think you can feel both parents or both adults are responsible - him for his abusive behaviour, her for not protecting her children from his bullying and abuse. I very much doubt this was a one off!

Of course there may be 101 reasons it's very hard to put a stop to this / leave. Of course. But that doesn't mean it's ok to allow your dc to be treated like this. What choice do they have?

The man was behaving very badly, so he is to blame. Not the mother.
He sounds like an utter cunt and I hope he gets a smack in the mouth from someone bigger than he is.

*If you are the Mum yiu should leave that angry bully of a man. Your poor children.

I really wanted to say something but was frightened he'd punch me.*

Re read this OP!! You contradict yourself here!!If that’s how you felt, why are you expecting different from her?? maybe she knows the fallout!!??

Don’t forget OP that the most dangerous time for women in abusive relationships is when they leave, that’s when they’re most likely to face violence.
Not saying no woman should ever leave of course, but it’s rarely as easy as walking out of the door.

I know! I'm not saying it was the right thing to do. Not sure that makes me the one in the wrong in this situation! Of course this horrible man is responsible for his abusive behaviour. I'm not suggesting she could have / should have LTB there and then. She is also responsible for her children's wellbeing and what was going on was very much not ok.

I'm not sure what you really could have done given you didn't have their name/address so couldn't report to SS and OBVIOUSLY (not to some people on this thread) walking up to the tosser and confronting him wasn't going to solve anything. Of course, we all know telling someone in public to be nice always makes abusive asshats change their personality forever and ever and suddenly they become nice overnight.

Could be that the mum is so used to the dad/stepdad behaving like a cunt it’s now her idea of normal and she doesn’t get its not right. Or she’s afraid of him too. Or she’s just as bad. But it would astound people in healthy and functional relationships how worn down you can get in a relationship with a horrible abusive type.

So you OP, who can walk away and never see this man again, by your own admission were too scared of how he would react to intervene.

and yet you expect his wife, who has to go home with him and live with his reaction every single day, to have stood up to him there and then?

Bravo 👏🏼 top prize for being a judgemental high and mighty twat of the first order.

You may aswell have started a thread with "FFS why do women even stay with abusive men?"

You're a charmer too Frangi! Nice to call someone a twat etc. Do you usually abuse strangers for no good reason?

I didn't say she should have stood up to him there and then did I? I don't expect she could - if she was as upset at what was happening as I was / she should have been.
What would you have thought / done Frangi?

Oh OP I think you’re getting a hard time here. I wouldn’t have done anything either because I’m really not sure what you could have done? How horrible to see. That poor family.

The rude and aggresive responses on here I find really puzzling. Why be rude and aggresive to someone writing about something upsetting? I wasn't posting to be told I'd done the right thing. I wasn't pretending to know what the right thing was... so abusing me makes you feel.... what? Genuine question.

I witnessed something like this years ago whilst I was at work and regretted not doing or saying anything. The next time I saw something like that in Tescos many yrs later I don't know what came over me but I snapped at the man yelling at his 'wife'. He coward away!! I was shocked! When someone from outside their little bubble challenges them they will do one of two things; cower or challenge. I understand your anger though OP. Hopefully someone else pulls him up on his nasty behaviour and his family can break free.

I think you're getting a hard time as the start of your thread was quite critical of the mother and the father. It sounds to me like she was trying to diffuse any situation and is probably in a terrible relationship that she can't see anyway of getting out of.

*the

Well if that's the reason it's assuming quite a lot. It wasn't clear to me and I was there. She honestly seemed oblivious. Perhaps because she was terrified. Perhaps not. Not sure it is possible to say.

You are judging her though. Hopefully one day she will leave him.