AIBU To post about awful parenting?

[NoCureForLove]

If you were the mother or ?father
?Stepfather at the cafe on the beach in Southwold today at lunchtime I hope you feel embarassed and remorseful.

There was a mother, a man and two small children- boy c 7 and girl around 4/5. The children were being perfectly well behaved. They found a table and sat. The girl wanted to sit on the chair the man sat on - she wanted to sit next to her mum not on one end. The man immediately git cross and was right up in her face growling at her. He took her baby doll she was cuddling off her, told her if she didnt shut up he'd put her baby in the bin. Thd mum behaved as if all this was simply invisible to her. This went on for a good while. Mum took little girl off to choose food. In her absence he had a go at the boy - who was apparently smiling when he shouldn't. When mum came back little girl asked nicely for baby. He threw baby on the floor under the table. He pulled tge little girl onyo hos lap, shook her and put her back in her chair roughly. He then refused to speak to any of them. Mum just carried on as if this was all part of a lively BH outing.

The whole thing was so horrible to witness. Hard to convey how horrible really.

If you are the Mum yiu should leave that angry bully of a man. Your poor children.

I really wanted to say something but was frightened he'd punch me.

Sounds like a horrid thing to witness OP and even more awful for the woman and children living with this as their daily reality.

What do people think the correct course of action is for bystanders in these circumstances?

Twice I have intervened/challenged when I have witnessed violence/abuse being enacted by men in public; both times got me yelled at, in one the woman looked terrified and I worried I may have made it worse as he dragged her off (I did ring the police and give a description; never heard anything further); in the other the man then assaulted my date (telling him to ‘control his woman’!), the police were called, and then both the abusive man and the woman he was assaulting in the street in the first place were arrested for assaulting police officers. So I don’t really know if my interventions were in any way helpful overall.

I don't think you have many options in this situation except to a) diffuse his behaviour tactfully so as to avoid retaliation and subsequent aggression towards the family b) reach out to the mum and get her attention, make contact and see if you can speak to her to offer a listening ear, maybe ask "are you okay?" c) option b) with the addition of your observation that she seem to be lunching with an aggressive man and does she want help?

Woah harsh on the OP. If the woman was the poster describing staying with this absoloute monster on here after he shook her daughter we would all be telling her how selfish she was for not putting her child first.
I have been through abusive relationships. If any man so much as touched a hair on my childs head I'd be gone without a trace. That's where I draw the line fuck with my kid and ur as good as dead to me. I don't know how she could watch her baby get treated that way makes me so sad for the little girl and boy. And truth be told yes I find it hard not to judge but only because my maternal instinct overrides any kind of fear. I think women who allow their children to be abused kind of leave themselves open to being judged.
Sorry you had to witness this OP. I always remember being in the park as a child with my dad and my sister and a woman being hit by this absoloute scumbag and the kids were crying and me and my sister begged my dad to do something we even tried to go and sort it ourselves. My dad turned around and he said he intervened last time a woman got punched and because he had hit the partner to get him away from the woman she attacked my dad. I still hate that I didn't do something now and I was a child so I get you must be feeling bad but what could you do. Let's hope she sees sense.

If a mother allows her children to be bullied and abused like that, then of course I judge her. Of course it’s always much more complicated than that and it’s incredibly difficult - but she should be protecting her children.

It's a horrid position to be in and I'm not sure what I'd do in a similar situation. I'd like to think I'd intervene but maybe not! She may just be an awful Mum but she could also be protecting her children in the best way she knows how! I just don't think it's helpful to criticise people when you know nothing about what's happening in their life!

I try not to judge, I used to be all "protect your child" until (without giving out much detail) knew a woman who stayed to do exactly that, when she had left before he threatened all of them and followed through with a few horrible threats which made her think, I can not let this man have unsupervised contact (naive to think courts and police side with the victim) of course not every case is like that and some mothers may just not give a shit. But I think people like to try blame the victim as they dont like to face the reality, anyone can be abused. The woman in the OP may well have once said "any man who touched my child is dead" etc, But I digress.

Him however, and any other abuser I judge. Nasty bully.

Good to hear other people have found it hard to witness similar things - and find it difficult to know how to react.

NoCure, you are getting hard time here. It must have been awful to witness and I agree, I wouldn’t have known what to do either.

This small child could have been me in the past. My mother thought the sun shines out of my SF arse and certainly wasn’t scared of him at all. When he got in one of his moods and started to yell at me or hit me, my mum would sit there and just gurn and clearly enjoy the whole drama.

It's hard to react from utter shock disbelief and being scared! U are right tho the mum should be sorting this out !
Ok so it's hard to leave an abusive partner
Well I can understand her staying with him of it was just her wellbeing at risk but one small glimpse into there life and u can see the children are also suffering
And mum should get out of that situation because your kids should be the top priority! And to everyone who has blasted the OP get a grip I grew up with my mum being abused alot so I've been there ! And if my kid was ever in any kind of danger or even emotional bullying I would be gone long gone there is no excuses except weak women
Too many stories of kids being murdered for people not to take this kind of thing seriously even mums who kill their own kids maybe this woman can't be arsed with her's either way no need to have a go at the OP