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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable about meeting the parents after 4 dates

26 replies

EverydayWereStimming · 26/08/2019 19:40

Very new relationship (if it can even be called that after 4 dates and two sleep overs) and he wants me to travel up to his parents with him at the weekend to meet them.

I feel uncomfortable about that this early on as I've been quite breezy and wanting to take things slow.

AIBU?

Is this sweet or too much too soon?

OP posts:
usersouthcoast · 26/08/2019 19:41

Too much too soon for me. You really don't know one another, and so his parents would probably find it weird too!

MissConductUS · 26/08/2019 19:48

Are you dating exclusively? Was he going to see his parents anyway or would the trip be for the purpose of introducing you? If the later, yes, it seems a bit soon.

PicsInRed · 26/08/2019 20:10

Love bombing, fast forward and, frankly, weird as fuck.

Sometimes the love bomber's family also love bomb. Be aware of that one.

I'd move this over to relationships for more appropriate advice.

NabooThatsWho · 26/08/2019 20:15

Yes, love-bombing and way too soon! Don’t do anything you aren’t ready for. Trust your gut.

4 dates, bloody hell you barely know each other yet! Is he desperate to be in a relationship?

funnylittlefloozie · 26/08/2019 20:17

Far, far too soon. My DP and I had four dates in our first two weeks... it took MONTHS for me to meet his dad!

OhioOhioOhio · 26/08/2019 20:17

Years ago I had this. Awful. Don't do it.

MiniCooperLover · 26/08/2019 20:18

How old are you both?

nogooddeedgoesunpunished · 26/08/2019 20:22

Wonder what the parents think? My DB just rocked up at my parents one day with his new "girlfriend " who he'd met on holiday 2 weeks before. My parents were puzzled but confused. Too much too soon and v embarrassing for the rest of the family. They seem happy though 🤷🏽‍♀️

isseywithcats · 26/08/2019 20:24

way too early i met my OHs family 8 months after meeting him and only then because it was his nephews wedding and that felt weird meeting everybody all at once

MoaningMinnie1 · 26/08/2019 20:25

Far too soon, wait until after the eighth date. Shows he's keen though.

Original poster
EverydayWereStimming · 26/08/2019 22:38

We're both in our thirties.

We haven't had an exclusivity conversation per say but after date three he said he'd like for me to be his girlfriend and I did say I would too. It sounds a bit cringe really. I think it was assumed on both sides that we were a couple from then.

He was going to visit regardless but asked for me to come along for the purpose of meeting them as he wanted to introduce me.

I asked whether he'd mentioned it to his parents before asking me and he says yes and that he just knows we'll get along.

On one hand I thought it was nice but on the other hand a bit strange, as like mentioned we barely know each other. I know I would feel hugely awkward irrespective of how nice they are.

I'm yet to give him an answer as I told him I had a few things on so couldn't commit just yet.

I wish he hadn't asked in the first place.

OP posts:
Original poster
EverydayWereStimming · 26/08/2019 22:42

@OhioOhioOhio may I ask what happened?

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 26/08/2019 22:42

Oh I don’t know. I’d want my new bf to meet my mum after three or four dates!

MissConductUS · 26/08/2019 22:46

I wish he hadn't asked in the first place.

He did put you in a very awkward spot. I would tell him that he should go as planned and tell his parents that you had other plans.

I think he was likely just oblivious to the follow on and didn't think it through, but you can certainly not go.

Original poster
EverydayWereStimming · 26/08/2019 22:46

He seems to be quite close with his parents If that makes a difference.

I wouldn't be looking to introduce him to my DM anytime soon because quite frankly she'd scare him off Grin

OP posts:
TheFaerieQueene · 26/08/2019 22:49

If you feel the need to start a thread about it, I think you have your answer. To much to soon.

PicsInRed · 26/08/2019 22:51

He seems to be quite close with his parents If that makes a difference.

Normal close, or "enmeshment" close?

MissConductUS · 26/08/2019 22:52

To put it in a positive light it certainly shows that he's quite proud to be in a relationship with you. He does need to consult you first before making plans that could involve you. Have a talk with him about that.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 26/08/2019 22:55

He might just not be thinking it through, but yes, it’s far too soon.

CodenameVillanelle · 26/08/2019 22:59

Just because you've had the conversation agreeing to be exclusive doesn't mean you've suddenly leapfrogged into a committed long term relationship overnight! You are still in very early stages. It sounds like he wants to skip a few steps.

Original poster
EverydayWereStimming · 26/08/2019 23:36

I agree with you all that's it's far too soon so I'm going to tell him I can't make it this time, I'd like to eventually if things go well but definitely not this early on.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 26/08/2019 23:52

Personally OP, it could be sweet but only if your reaction was “oh wonderful, yes!” If you like him could you explain that you like him but it’s all a bit soon and then see what is reaction is to that? Hopefully it’ll be along the lines of he was overexcited, is just very into you so it seemed natural but of course you’re right and whatever you’re comfortable with.

whenskiesaregrey · 26/08/2019 23:58

MN could be such a horrible place. "Love-bombing"? Why can't it just be a personal difference? Why can't he just be a bit "over eager". Not everything is sinister.

OP if it makes you feel uncomfortable, just say. Say that it sounds sweet (as you've alluded to) but maybe a bit further down the line. How he reacts to that will tell you whether it's something you want to carry on with or not.

Stefoscope · 27/08/2019 00:11

I think it's fair enough for him to ask. But you're quite right to say no if you don't feel comfortable with it. Unless he makes a big deal about you not wanting to go I wouldn't read anything sinister into it.

Original poster
EverydayWereStimming · 27/08/2019 08:40

I've told him I can't go and did explain that I felt it's too soon for me to feel comfortable meeting his family as I'd like to get to know him more first. He seemed disappointed but says he understands so we're going to see one another when he's back instead.

OP posts: